You are not logged in.


Unread posts

Dear visitor, welcome to FertilityZone . If this is your first visit here, please read the Help. It explains in detail how this page works. To use all features of this page, you should consider registering. Please use the registration form, to register here or read more information about the registration process. If you are already registered, please login here.

  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 515

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

  • Send private message

1

Tuesday, November 17th 2009, 12:07pm

feeling really emotional about leaving my baby

Im due back to work at the end of feb and i am having very mixed emotions. Our house is up for sale and if we move, we are moving away from the area and i will not be going back to work. i will have a bit more time off with Lydia before looking for another part time job. If we are still here by feb (it's looking that way) i will have to go back to work as we need the money. I am going back part time (3 days) and some days i feel that this will be a good thing for lydia and me and a nice balance but other days i feel really wingey and dont want to leave her. I'm sure we'll both get used to it but im really worried about my first few days back. I know i'll feel mega sensitive and im dreading people asking me if im ok which will make me :bawl:

any tips to make this transition easier?
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

landi

Superstar

    United Kingdom

Posts: 4,005

Reg: Aug 5th 2008

Children: One gorgeous son born on 28th May 2010

  • Send private message

2

Wednesday, November 18th 2009, 7:13am

Hi Jen,
I haven't got any personal experience with this. I just wanted to say that in my experience, working in a nursery talking to lots of parents going back to work, the feelings you have having are quite normal. But you have to remember that you have that added stress of moving, and away from the area which is a big step.
Although I cannot offer any practical advice I wanted to stop by to offer support. I think if you feel able to, talk to someone who you feel that you can, whether it's family or friends.
Love
Laura
xx

LAURA
28.05.10 My miracle son Harry was born 5 weeks early, by c-section lurve


Posts: 2,008

Reg: Nov 12th 2007

Location: WEST MIDLANDS

Children: 1 beautiful baby girl, our little miracle!

  • Send private message

3

Wednesday, November 18th 2009, 9:17am

Hi Jen,

I understand how you feel, I am the same (not moving house but going back to work) think I am going back the middle of March, 3 days a week. We went to look at a nursery on Friday. It was very nice, a lot of staff, we even left Isobel with a member of staff while we had a wander orund and she was great, didn't miss me at all. I think she will be fine, it's me I'm worried about! It's perfectly normal to feel this way though. To be honest for me personally, I think it will do me good to have a balance of work and home and for lo to mix with other children. It will be hard but like all things we will soon get used to it and hardly remeber what is was like before! Then it will be time for school!

Hope it all works out for you. xx









Bells

ADMINISTRATOR

    United Kingdom

Posts: 14,479

Thanks: 40 / 66

  • Send private message

4

Wednesday, November 18th 2009, 10:18am

Quoted

Originally posted by picklesmum
Hi Jen,
I think it will do me good to have a balance of work and home and for lo to mix with other children. It will be hard but like all things we will soon get used to it and hardly remeber what is was like before! Then it will be time for school!


You're absolutely spot on there Picklesmum.

I felt exactly the same when I had to go back to work three days a week. I worried for months beforehand and would wake up in the night fretting about leaving her. I chose a childminder because I was afraid she would be overlooked in a larger nursery.

When it came to it, leaving her was hard but the day wasn't as bad as I though (and went by very quickly). What surprised me was that she'd had a lovely day without me. What surprised me more was that after a few weeks, she was climbing the walls at the childminders house and I found a lovely private nursery where she had more children to play with, more toys and more stimulus. She absolutely loved it and thrived so much that I felt I was doing her a favour going to work :snigger:





GemH

Star

Posts: 2,816

Reg: Nov 27th 2006

Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

Children: George 21/11/2008 - my surprise natural bfp. Oliver 09/05/2013 - my little happy chappy

  • Send private message

5

Wednesday, November 18th 2009, 11:11am

Hi

I went back 4 days a week in April and dreaded it but my childminder is a star, has 2 other children (older than G) and he is absolutely fine, I go to pick him up to find him sitting in the middle of the floor holding court, its lovely to watch and hes great with other kids. Im not the most confident of people and find baby groups hard so this was the only chance he got to socialise for a while. Im sure Lydia will be fine, G was, I was the one sitting outside crying!! Try a couple of half days (Am then pm) first if you can, I found it helped (me anyway) as I could get to him if I needed to and it meant he had a trial first.

Good luck hun. xxx

  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 515

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

  • Send private message

6

Wednesday, November 18th 2009, 11:56am

thanks everyone for your support - im sure we'll both adapt. As said, it's the build up which is worse. i go to alot of mums and tots sessions at my local surestart centre and on fridays they provide a creche for 3 hours. i have just booked her in for this which im a bit nervous about but i think it's good prep and i'll still be in the same building as her - just in the other room. She'll need one feed there which will be a challenge for whoever does it. She's a fidget and often wont take a feed off anyone but me!! So i really feel i need to get her used to other people. wish me luck for friday :)
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

Jodie

Megastar

Posts: 7,082

Reg: Mar 31st 2007

Location: By the coast

Children: 2 beautiful girls.

  • Send private message

7

Wednesday, November 18th 2009, 12:19pm

Morning!

Going back to work can be emotional. I've done it twice now and surprised myself how much easier it was the 2nd time! I think that's because I knew it would be ok.

It will be ok for you and Lydia too - its just a period of adjustment that's a shock to start with. Picklesmum and Bells are right though that actually, although its hard to start with it won't be long til you are seeing the benefits for you and Lydia.

I know at the moment you're worrying about issues like below...........


Quoted

Originally posted by jen84288
She'll need one feed there which will be a challenge for whoever does it. She's a fidget and often wont take a feed off anyone but me!! So i really feel i need to get her used to other people. wish me luck for friday :)


However, this is one of the great things about nursery - if she's like my two, she'll soon just get in the swing of things and take the feed from whoever is doing it - partly because she'll see all the other children doing it and copy them and also because if she's hungry or thirsty she'll just do it otherwise she'll stay hungry/thirsty.

Try not to worry too much - it'll be ok, for both of you.

x






My family is complete...I am grateful every day

DD1, natural miracle, 2005
DD2, IVF miracle, 2008


Posts: 2,008

Reg: Nov 12th 2007

Location: WEST MIDLANDS

Children: 1 beautiful baby girl, our little miracle!

  • Send private message

8

Wednesday, November 18th 2009, 12:39pm

Actually this thread is helping me too! I was thinking a childminder for the reasons Bells said above but then I read on and saw that she changed to a nursery and I think I do prefer a nursery. It's just change isn't it? Not many people like it, I don't! But like anything else, if you do it enough it becomes the norm.









compley

Megastar

  • "compley" celebrates his birthday today

Posts: 6,061

Reg: Apr 30th 2006

Children: DS and DD

  • Send private message

9

Wednesday, November 18th 2009, 8:35pm

Sorry for the late reply!

Just wanted to add, as has been said, that how you are feeling, is absolutely normal!.....I know that it may not help you now, in the anticipation of returning to work, but this bit is worse than when you actually get back to work.....once those first couple of days are out the way, it does get easier!

Just as becoming a Mum was a huge adjustment, returning to work, and juggling that with being a Mum, is another adjustment, and one that can take a bit of time and getting used to. I remember going back to work, and feeling all over the place about leaving H, and feeling I was a very different person to the one that had gone on maternity leave a year before, and I'm being honest in saying that it took me a bit of time to get my confidence in being a working Mum, and all it entails, both at home and at work....But!....H absolutely loves his day with his Grandparents, and I feel benefits hugely from being with them, and having the lovely relationship he does with them, and from the day he has with Dh (well dh and L, when I return to work this time round!).

I also found, to my great surprise, that I actually enjoyed my days at work, and being 'Laura'. And we settled down to a routine, and I really mean it when I say, it all went so much better than I thought it would!....and that exerience has made me feel so much more relaxed about the thought of returning to work next year (though again I won't pretend there won't be challenges, but I know we will get there!).

Good luck with everything xxx



<

Posts: 216

Reg: Oct 15th 2005

Location: Essex

  • Send private message

10

Tuesday, November 24th 2009, 1:52pm

I am back 2/3 days a week and I enjoy my time away from the kids. But when we are together, it's fun all the way.

i guess all round everyone is happy.
THANK GOD OUR FAMILY IS NOW COMPLETE
ME-36 DH-42
Male factor/PCOS
Ist IVF/ICSI (Eggshare)-Jul/Aug'05-BFN
2nd IVF/ICSI (Eggshare)-Nov/Dec'05-BFP

Natural FET- Dec '07-(Abandoned no ovulation)
Med FET-Feb/Mar'08-BFP miscarried/ectopic (right tube removed & had a lap dye)
SUPRISE NATURAL BFP-May'08

  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 515

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

  • Send private message

11

Saturday, December 5th 2009, 9:34pm

thanks for your comments everyone. I went to do a half day on friday and it wasnt all that great. I was ok leaving lydia which was good and she did well. Previously i liked my job - but after a restructure, my whole team, including me are back in customer services which is not something im looking forward to. The travel is also a killer. An hour and a 1/2 each way by public transport so i will be working 3 days a week (a total of 22 hours plus 9 hrs travel = 31 hrs! ) which seems not great for just being £60 a week better off after paying nursery and travel costs. £60 may not sound alot to some people but to us it makes all the difference so i cant just sacrifice the £60. I am trying desperately to find someway to make £60 a week (legally :snigger:) . Any ideas?
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

compley

Megastar

  • "compley" celebrates his birthday today

Posts: 6,061

Reg: Apr 30th 2006

Children: DS and DD

  • Send private message

12

Sunday, December 6th 2009, 2:13pm

Am glad all went well with leaving Lydia, that's a big positive to come out of it.

I'm with you, £60 is £60, and every penny counts!...I'm not sure if it's the sort of thing you'd be looking for/if you're thinking you'd change your job, and don't know if it fits in with your DP's hours/job etc, but would an evening/weekend job be any good? I know some Mum's go for this sort of job, as their partner is around to look after the children, so no childcare costs, which may also mean you can work less hours, to bring in the money you need (though this also needs to be weighed against the wage they are offering, to see if it's a feasible option). Jobs such as retail/supermarkets/pubs, care assistants in nursing homes are a few jobs which would offer those sort of hours (I'm not sure what/if any of that appeals, but just a few ideas of the top of my head!).

There are issues such as if you'd need to travel to the job, and getting home late at night possibly, which may pose a problem, do you drive/have access to a car? Some people use taxis, a regular reliable firm that they get to know, to get home from late night jobs, but this is a cost that would have to be factored in to your wage, and how much you would be bringing in, after this expense.
A weekend day job, could public transport be an option, if not too far from you?

These sort of working arrangements may mean you and DP see less of each other, as you work 'opposite' each other, but it can really help, if it is somethng that may work for you, in respect to childcare costs etc.

xxx



<

  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 515

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

  • Send private message

13

Monday, December 7th 2009, 8:59am

thanks for your suggestions compley. I really dont mind what kind of job i do 2bh but any income will affect CTCs so i would need to be doing more hours than what i would be at my current job as the TCs help with nursery care anyway. Think im on the job hunt for DP. He would like a new job so we'll see if we can get him something with a bit more ££.

hopefully i'll think of something before feb! x
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 515

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

  • Send private message

14

Monday, February 22nd 2010, 3:29pm

Im going back to work on thursday. That's come around quick! I dropped Lydia off to nursery for a couple of hours today just to get her used to it. She did great and didnt seem bothered at all when i left. When i went to pick her up I didnt get a smile or anything! I know this is a good thing that she is so happy to go to nursery but not even 1 tear?! hehe. Is it normal for your child not to be bothered when you leave? x
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

landi

Superstar

    United Kingdom

Posts: 4,005

Reg: Aug 5th 2008

Children: One gorgeous son born on 28th May 2010

  • Send private message

15

Monday, February 22nd 2010, 7:07pm

Every child is so different Jen.
At my nursery some children are exactly as you have described L, but then other children react very differently.
Remember there is no normal. You know her better than anyone and you will know if she is happy or not.
All it means is, like you have said, is that she is content. It doesn;t mean she isn't happy to see you. You are her mum and nothing will change that.
xx

LAURA
28.05.10 My miracle son Harry was born 5 weeks early, by c-section lurve


Posts: 2,008

Reg: Nov 12th 2007

Location: WEST MIDLANDS

Children: 1 beautiful baby girl, our little miracle!

  • Send private message

16

Tuesday, February 23rd 2010, 10:00am

Hi Jen,

Good luck for Thursday. I go back 6th April. Think I am going back 3 days although would love to do 2! Isobel is just doing the 1 day at nursery then my Mum is having her 1 day and DH's Dad the other day. It's good that Lydia is liking nursery, there's such a variety of activities for them and I think its really good for them to mix with other children their age. I'm sure it will all be fine. xxx

  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 515

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

  • Send private message

17

Wednesday, February 24th 2010, 8:59pm

Thanks for your replies :)

All set for tomorrow. just want to get it out the way now. Once we're settled into a routine Im sure it will be fine x
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

pamelag088

Superstar

Posts: 5,085

Reg: Oct 20th 2008

Location: fraserburgh

Children: tj born 20/11/09

  • Send private message

18

Wednesday, February 24th 2010, 11:40pm

Good luck hun

Im all teary just thinking about returning to work but unless DH finds a job soon(he just been laid off) i will have o choice. I was all set to not return before he got made redundant. Hope it all goes well

  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 515

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

  • Send private message

19

Friday, February 26th 2010, 8:49pm

Thanx - it went well :) Im only working 3 days a week so a nice balance. I thought i never wanted to go back but am glad I have - feels like theres a bit more structure to my life again and im pretty sure nursery will be good for lydia. Good luck to your dp getting a job soon - im sure he will :) xx
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

pamelag088

Superstar

Posts: 5,085

Reg: Oct 20th 2008

Location: fraserburgh

Children: tj born 20/11/09

  • Send private message

20

Friday, February 26th 2010, 9:48pm

Glad it went well.
Makes me feel better you saying you liked it better than you thought as right now the idea making me feel sick :snigger:




FERTILITYZONE



MEDHURST – PROUD HOSTS OF FERTILITYZONE