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aww. I dont know if I could have gone in. As much as i love babies, i think i would have been too emotional. not what the parents need to see!!
It does make you really gratefull though

Jo

absolutely chilli no one unless they've been through it can truly understand the pain and torment you have at having a child born prematurely...as a mum who has never had a full term baby i sometimes feel really cheated that my children never got the BEST start in life...with joe i never got that 'so big you cant move around thing' and it did really hurt me...also you're life is never the same again after watching your child in pain, on life support systems, on morphine, being told your child will not make it, having them at deaths door..you realise that you may have 'only' had them in your tummy for 6 months but you could never imagine life without them...***tears rolling down my face now***

i will never forget the past 11 months nor the people and friends i have met through joes time there either...would i change things? no i most probably wouldnt because he oozees life its almost as if he knows how close a call hes had (several close calls) and that he appreciates life..and i really appreciate his life and all that he adds to mine

and it doesnt stop at scbu or nicu you carry it home ...you watch your child 'play catchup' while others are steaming ahead but each milestone reached is like winning the lottery(i'm sure nikki would agree) each word, each new thing reminds you that they're getting stronger and better....what i wouldnt have gave to have been able to take my children home with me when i left hospital something so many just take for granted...

chilli you have done an amazing thing donating your precious 'miracle juice', without it so many babies just wouldnt survive..(v. prem babies cant tolerate formula) and so many mums find they are unable to express due to stress..i was very lucky to have been able to do it and i would have donated in a shot but i had a prevoius transfusion so couldnt

thanks chilli for highlighting this xxxx

Chilli

I too never realised that babies like breast milk when in SCBU. I would like to hope that I could do that when I have mine esp as the hospital as helped me so much I'd would want to do something in return. My friend at work had twins quite prematurely at 28wks. They are now over 2 years old. They both have some slight disability but they are doing so well for the fight they put on. I couldn't imagine what it must be like to go through that M24P. I can't imagine how well you and your family have coped. A - you are one tough cookie hun.

xxx Lorraine xxx

thanks lorraine it has been a rollercoaster of emotions and been very emotional writing this post...some days it just hits you like a freight train...joe spent 8 weeks fighting,hearing this was wrong with him that was wrong with him and then took him home and 2 days later he stopped breathing and i had to resusitate him...i will never forget that either will dh who stood helpless willing me to save him or either will my 16 yo son who witnessed it too...my hv said i have post traumatic stress disorder as i keep getting flashbacks of that night ....but i did resusitate him and i am eternally grateful to god that i did our guardian angels were most definitely watching over us that night

life is fantastic.. xxxxx

Having had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder over something v.horrible I know what thats like. I'm sure seeing your four children all together helps you and DH. Did you enjoy the wedding?

xxx Lorraine xxx

Quoted

Originally posted by lorrainec72
Having had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder over something v.horrible I know what thats like. I'm sure seeing your four children all together helps you and DH. Did you enjoy the wedding?

xxx Lorraine xxx

seeing them altogether certainly makes it easier but knowing what could have happened doesnt bear thinking about


**important**
incidently not to scare mums reading this joe stopped breathing through a combination of ongoing problems such as very severe reflux, haemoglobin very low on discharge (7.9) and of course his prematurity..


had a great day lorraine danced all day...missed the children terribly but rang all day to check on them but it was the best wedding i've ever been to

Quoted

Originally posted by Chilli
M24P I am crying after reading your post. You are extremely strong, at times I am sure you felt you didn't have the strenght but as you say look at Joe now he is such a cutie pie with so much life and someone you must be so very proud of

at times you're right chilli i dont know how we carried on but you just cope...i remember the night when he stopped breathing and we were in hospital with joe on monitors and machines again(monitoring his breathing and to detect apnae attacks)....dh said to me 'what are we goin to do ?' and i said 'we just carry on as before, its not like a broken hairdryer that you bring back to the shop; he ours and our responsibility and i'll make sure i keep him safe'...the next day i properly learned cpr and touch wood i've never needed to do it since

m24p- your post has me readin it with so many tears in my eyes. it echos my thoughts and emotions entirely. I'm typing this with a lively one year old on my lap, and i think back to 12 months ago when we spent the first few days of his life praying that he would get through each night. i've never felt emotion like it.

i too feel cheated almost. i didn't get to pack my bags, or pour over magazines deciding what to buy, or get so big that i was uncomfortable.

but, i have a precious happy baby, and for that i am alawys grateful

eduted to say- sorry about the typo's, t is grabbing at everything in sight.........

hi ladies

i totally know how you both feel

i feel cheated in a way the i didnt have a bump , dh never felt dd kick and other little thing that are normal in pregnancy

olivia weighed 1lb 3oz at birth and i cannot describe what that was like for the first 2 weeks we were told to live minute to minute not day to day as in 10 mins time she could be gone

i have know idea how we got through the 9 weeks in scbu but we did and livvie is a lively 3 year old you wouldnt know she was prem at all

every day though i feel guilty for a number of reasons

for the pain she went through for what i put dh through and all matter of things i thought this would have gone 3 years on but im just learning to live with it

i cannot thank the staff enough for what they did for livvie. i only managed to express for about 6 weeks as i had only 20 mins contact with her daily i just didnt have the stimulation i needed i was devastated but pleased i managed to give her something , but that is another thing i feel guilty about not being able to feed her myself properly

sorry for the long long post but this is so close to my heart

everyone who donates milk have no idea of the marvelous gift they are giving these tiny babies a huge THANK YOU to you all you are all angels

take care

lovezoexxxx

big hugs starlight...we know exactly how you feel...so glad your dd is now a bouncing 3 year old...miracles they all are...xxxxxx

Quoted

Originally posted by nikki78
m24p- your post has me readin it with so many tears in my eyes. it echos my thoughts and emotions entirely. I'm typing this with a lively one year old on my lap, and i think back to 12 months ago when we spent the first few days of his life praying that he would get through each night. i've never felt emotion like it.

i too feel cheated almost. i didn't get to pack my bags, or pour over magazines deciding what to buy, or get so big that i was uncomfortable.

but, i have a precious happy baby, and for that i am alawys grateful

eduted to say- sorry about the typo's, t is grabbing at everything in sight.........

there is nothing to add to your post hunny..ditto, ditto, ditto

xxxxx

Your posts are all amazing, a real inspiration to us all - thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, experiences and emotions with us. You have me blubbing and it's not even 8.00am!!!

Chilli - what you did was such a wonderful thing hun. [zx252]

thats absolutely fantastic xxxx

Quoted

Originally posted by Eeyore
Your posts are all amazing, a real inspiration to us all - thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, experiences and emotions with us. You have me blubbing and it's not even 8.00am!!!

Chilli - what you did was such a wonderful thing hun. [zx252]

each time i read these posts i cry
**note to self** must not go into premature babies section..