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  • "Debi1" started this thread
  • Algeria

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Reg: Jun 21st 2008

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Friday, July 15th 2011, 1:43pm

DH doesn't want anymore

Wasn't sure where to post this - but really need to talk to someone. DH and I have been married for 7 years and have been blessed with DS who is now 6 months after several years of IVF and an early loss. I know how very very lucky we are and I thank my lucky stars every day that we finally got our beautiful baby - but my thoughts are turning to wanting more. DH has made it very clear that he doesn't want anymore children (he already has two from a previous marriage) and I feel quite upset about his decision. He says we couldn't afford it, have no room in the house and that he feels he is too old (43).

I am 39 now, so I know my chances of conceiving are diminishing and we'd need to wait til DS was a little older, but I hate that the decision not to have more children has been taken from me. I love DH very much and want to stay with him, but I keep thinking about whether the need to at least try for more children is more important (I know that sounds awful).

And then I think perhaps I am being selfish, there are so many couples who have not been as lucky as we have and I do realise how lucky I am but I can't help thinking about a little brother or sister one day for DS.
Deb x

gemmab

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Friday, July 15th 2011, 2:30pm

Oh Deb I could have written your post last year.

Dh said exaclty the same things and I felt everything was falling apart. I left the subject for a little while and didn't put any pressure on and then discussed it again. We sat down and went through all the reasons we both had and really talked it through and look at me know pregnant!!!!

Dh also has 2 children- oldest is 21 next week and he is 46 in December and we defo have no room lol

Give him time and don't keep pushing it and then talk again. Remember LO is only 6 months and DH still getting over the sleepless nights.x

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Saturday, July 16th 2011, 5:19pm

Hi Deb,

I really feel for you. Hopefully it will work out as in Gemma's case who's pregnant again :-) What were your plans when you got married 7 years ago? did he want more children back then? If he always wanted just the one with you then there is not much hope but otherwise... it is either the difficult years or the sleepless nights. Fingers crossed!!

x Rianon
(ps: we have no room either but already agreed in next go lol)

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Saturday, July 16th 2011, 7:33pm

I think men can go through these stages sometimes. I have a friend who was in a similar position after having their first. He didn't want anymore despite not having any other children, age or any other reasons and she really didn't know what to do. I think the main thing is to give him space and time for a while, then choose a suitable time to sit down and communicate your feelings to him about the matter again. Make sure that you have everything clear in your mind before you start talking to him. My friend did this and they know have another beautiful little girl which her husband is over the moon with - it is their last though! Hoping everything works out for you - let us know how you get on in time. xxx

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Saturday, July 16th 2011, 9:02pm

I know exactly how you feel. I have 2 blasto frosties and just want to give them a chance, but DH is very much against it, he has 3 children from a prev. marriage and now we have twins, so he feels he has done his bit for keeping the population of the world up! Just as Gemma and AG said, just leave the subject for a wee while, then see how he feels in a few months time. I am not going to mention the subject to my DP again for a few months (and I will be 42 next month, so know a few months is a long time at my ripe old age).

Good luck and hope you get the chance to try again. It is amazing how your DHs views may change over time.

xx

Jannie
Aug 09 - IUI - BFN
; Oct 09 - ICSI - BFN; Jan 10 - ICSI cancelled;
DICSI in Valencia Mar10 :BFP:
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Oscar and Emilia born 8th November 2010




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