Really down about having to return to work

Debi1

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Reg: Jun 21st 2008

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Monday, August 1st 2011, 2:04pm

I'm now in the last month of my maternity leave and the thought of returning to work is really starting to get me down. I'm going to make the most of the time I have left, but just can't get the feeling of fear and dread out of my mind. Everytime I think about leaving DS (who will be just over 8 months) with what will be strangers to start with at nursery - I get a lump in my throat and just don't know how I'm going to be able to do it. I have to return to work 4 days as we just cant afford anything less and that means DS in nursery four full days because we have no family who can help out. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time off with him - in fact I can honestly say its been the best few months of my life (and I used to be a complete workaholic!!). I waited a long long time to be a mum and I just don't want to hand him over to someone else. To make matters worse, work have said I can't return to my old position as a manager unless I return full time and that if I want four days, I will have to take quite a demotion. They will safeguard my old salary for a bit, so at least thats something. But it potentially means me doing four days in a role that I don't even like, perhaps if I was going back to my old job it wouldn't be so bad.

On the other hand, I know that it will be good for DS to be with other children and many people have told me that developmentally we will come on leaps and bounds. I like the nursery and deep down I know he will be fine and that it will probably be far harder on me than it will be on him. I just hope I can cope with it. Its so unfair that most of us have to return to work when we'd love to be full time mums. Sorry for such a moan - but if any one can tell me it will be ok, I'd very much welcome it !! :sadface:

Deb x

This post has been edited 2 times, last edit by "Debi1" (Aug 1st 2011, 2:06pm)

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Shelley10

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Monday, August 1st 2011, 7:23pm

Hi Deb,

Sorry to hear your dreading going back to work, it must be really hard to have to think of your DS being in nursery.

I dont know what will happen with me when i finish mat leave, i'll have to see I suppose.

Hope it isnt as bad as what your thinking xx Good luck for your first day xx

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ALI BIRD

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Tuesday, August 2nd 2011, 9:05am

Deb, I really feel for you as I was in exactly the same position almost 2 years ago (OMG, where has it gone!) I too had to take a demotion to enable me to work part time and Will was in nursery for the rest of that time and I can honestly say that it was the best thing for him. Don't get me wrong, we did loads while I was off on mat leave and he still has a better social life than I do but the difference in his development was amazing. Even now, he loves going to nusery and tells me in detail every day what he has done and who he has played with, it is a very special thing. I have to take him out of nursery when LO arrives as I cannot afford the fees while on leave, I am really sad as I know how much he loves it but I think he has gained a lot in the 2 years that he has been there.

Good luck and be strong, it is hard at first but he will be fine, I promise.

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JENSQUI

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Tuesday, August 2nd 2011, 9:31am

I was the same....hated the thought of returning to work but, to be honest, I absolutely love the part-time balance.
Martha is so happy at nursery that I honestly don't see her being there as a second best alternative to me looking after her. It really is a positive experience giving her change to grow and develop in ways that would be difficult for me to do home alone with her. And working is definitely positive for me. Aside from the obvious financial benefit I get to be myself, socialise a bit without a toddler in tow and achieve something in a day. Don;t get me wrong, I adore being with my daughter but some days going to work can feel like a welcome rest! I only work 3 days so I still get loads of lovely quality time with her and all round it feels like a very happy lifestyle.

It may take a bit of time to adjust but soon it will all feel very normal
xxx

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Blue

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Tuesday, August 2nd 2011, 12:02pm

Hi Deb1,
Don't let guilt and fear make this decision.
I think you should return to work full-time and see how it goes. Give it 8 weeks. If after that time, it doesn't feel right for any reason, then make some changes. That is the time to reduce your hours, or even look around for another position. But don't accept a demotion now - please wait, you will have so much more information in a couple of months time.
Please let us all know how it goes,
B
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JENSQUI

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Tuesday, August 2nd 2011, 1:19pm

Quoted from "Blue"

Hi Deb1,
Don't let guilt and fear make this decision.
I think you should return to work full-time and see how it goes. Give it 8 weeks. If after that time, it doesn't feel right for any reason, then make some changes. That is the time to reduce your hours, or even look around for another position. But don't accept a demotion now - please wait, you will have so much more information in a couple of months time.
Please let us all know how it goes,
B
x

hmmm, the trouble with this plan may be that reducing your hours after returning from maternity may not be as simple as reducing them before returning. Whilst a company is legally obliged to consider (but not accept) a request for changes in hours on a return from maternity, do they have to at any point in time?
Sorry, just a thought, of course, it may be fine with the particular company you work for.
You may also find that you don;t care so much about what you are actually doing at work now that your life and priorities have changed, so a demotion may not be as abd as you think it will be.
xx

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BFP May 07 - HB seen @ 8 wks but CRL only 7 weeks, m/c @ 9 wks
BFP Jan 08 -m/c @ 11 wks (D&C)
BFP Jun 08 - early loss
BFP Dec 08 - HB & CRL ok @ 8 wks, but sac too small, m/c @ 9 wks
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Blue

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Tuesday, August 2nd 2011, 5:53pm

I don't know about the law in the UK, not that that would stop me from continuing :snigger:

So please do correct my assumptions!
My assumption being that at any point, a company would consider a change in hours/position etc. Not out of legal obligation, but because it makes sense for them to do. They don't want to pay someone doing a job they don't want to do. They don't have to make any changes, but they would consider it.

And I also assume that the only legal obligation of a company is to hold a position open for an employee returning from maternity leave, and it has to be the exact same position. I didn't think they were legally obliged to consider changes to that position at the point of where the employee returns, although it might commonly happen then.

I was lucky in that I went back to work part-time without it affecting my career prospects and future salary, and I am now happily full time (and shattered, and considering hiring a second nanny because work is too much, but thank my lucky stars that I have all of this to juggle). But it seems that this is not the case for most folks, as soon as they go down the part-time pathway, their career options change. This is absolutely fine if you know about it and accept it - the consequences are long-term. But my point is if there is a chance you don't want to be part-time, then it is worth finding that out before committing to a change. It just takes a couple of months of full-time work to know...

Blue
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linzi1

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Tuesday, August 2nd 2011, 6:14pm

Hi debb. i understand your fears hunny, i manage a nursery.

But have a good look around, you will know the right nursery for you and your child.
Pop into a nursery and ask to look around there and then so you will see how it runs normally, i never turn people away from looking around and never make them book for a visit.
i always allow as many visit sessions too, just so parents and child are fully settled into the nursery befor they return to work. I know they are all different but if you have any questions then you can ask away.

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RosB

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Tuesday, August 2nd 2011, 10:05pm

Hi Debi - I know how you feel, I have just been back at work for 3 weeks myself. I was really worried about my boys settling into nursery. We did have a couple of little hicupps - one of them picked up a vomiting bug on day one and they both had colds (which they passed to us) by the second week! I think this is all normal unfortunately. But apart from that they have settled in really well - in fact they love it as there are so many new toys and activities for them and new faces. They love socialising with all the other babies. I really do think it is going to be really good for them and their development.

As for how I feel - I have gone back to work full time but am using annual leave to work 3 days a week at the moment and then 4 days from September. I am putting off any decision about reducing my hours for now. Unfortunately my role has changed whilst I have been off as my previous post has been made redundant so I am in a new (temporary) role. It is quite unsettling. However I do know that going back to work was the right thing for both me and my boys - I do actually enjoy the 'break' from them and find that I cherish the time that I do spend with them more.

I think that choosing the right nursery for you is really important, I really like and trust the nursery that I have put my boys in (it has a waiting list over a year long!) so I am really happy to leave them there and have felt comfortable from day one.

I hope it goes well for you and your DS. xx

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LynneD

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Tuesday, August 2nd 2011, 10:20pm

Hi Debi

I too was bothered during my last month of maternity leave as I hated the thought of not being with Dan every day. He has gone to a childminder and has settled right in. He treats her house like his own! As for me, I now work 3 days a week and really its been a good thing. I do feel like its a bit of a rest! Its also nice to chat to other people about non baby related things, which I didn't realise I missed until I went back.

Its difficult to know what to do about going part-time. I know my employer was ok about me dropping my hours as I returned from maternity leave but I am not sure how they would have responded if I had asked once I actually returned but they might have been ok, especially with the budget cuts we are experiencing at work. I definitely feel different about my job now I am a mum, Daniel definitely comes first every time.

I hope that the reality of going back to work is much better than what you are expecting xx

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Really down about having to return to work

Really down about having to return to work

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