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  • "BooBoo" started this thread

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Saturday, March 3rd 2012, 10:32pm

smoking rules and relatives..... am i been unreasonable?

hi,
just wondered if anyone is in a similar situation.....all lo's grandparents smoke, my mum and mil. So when she was born i obviously asked that no one smoke anywhere near her, wash hands, to wear smoking jacket if they need to smoke outside and not to hold her for at least half hour after they have had a cigarette.

Now lo is alomst 8 months old it seems GP's think i'm been a neurotic mother cos i still want them to continue with the above.

My mum thinks its ok to smoke at the door as long as she's blowing it outside....i don;t agree so i avoid going to her house. All GP's smoke in their houses so i despise going round cos even though they don't smoke when lo is there u can still smell a smoking house. Today we went to mil's for the first time in months (they usually visit us but dh wanted to make an appearence) but the house smelt of stale smoke and i started to get a headache so if it gave me a headache then its not the sort of atmosphere i want lo in. I felt so uncomfortable for the short time while i was there and worried about what it was doing to lo.

My dh thinks i am over the top and doesn't see the problem as long as they are not smoking while we are there. But i'm really not happy taking my baby to a house that smells of smoke from previous cigarettes. last night i said to him i'd prefer it if his mum came to see us rather than us visit with lo at her house but he just said i can't stop him taking lo to see his mum. its not that i want to stop my dh doing anything with lo, i just hate the thought of her at mil's house when she smokes in her house when we're not there.

I fall out with my mum all the time about my smoking 'rules' cos she thinks i shouldn't be so stringent now lo is 8 months old. but i just think if she really wants to spend time with lo then the least she can do is wear a smoking jacket and smoke outside and not cuddle lo straight after a cig. i'm sick of hearing 'it won't do her any harm'.....sometimes i wonder if i am been over the top.

So i was just wondering if anyone else has lo's who's GP's smoke and what your rules are?

I really think the love of a GP is important in lo's life but whats more important - protecting my child from the risks of second/third hand smoke or the bonding between her and GP's.

I just feel really alone and fed up with having to worry about it everytime a GP wants us to visit or come over.

am i been unreasonable perfering GP's to visit lo at our home rather than at there houses as seen as though they smoke in their own houses.

i got back from mil's today and i felt so uncomfartable that lo had been there that i changed her clothes and my own. even though they don;t smoke when we go over u can tell they had been smoking in there earlier and i felt like it was clung to our clothes.

i just feel like i'm falling out with everyone about smoking near my lo ...including my dh who wants to be able to take lo to visit his parents...

i also find myself making excuses for lo not to stop at any of her GP's houses overnight as i don;t want her sleeping in a smokers house. i know that mil would think nothing of having a crafty fag in the living room while lo was in bed upstairs cos she used to do that with her other granchildren.

i guess i just needed a rant too but it is starting to get to me this on going battle about smoking when i feel that the smokers should help protect my lo and keep there habit to theirselves

any advice greatly appreciated :)


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Saturday, March 3rd 2012, 10:43pm

I am with you 100%!!

My mum smokes (and 2 sisters and a brother), they don't get it at all. My DD is now 2 and a half so perhaps a little different but I still don't like them smoking when she is in the same room. When she was tiny and they came to visit they would smoke outside and when they came back in I asked them not to cuddle her for half an hour, which they did, but not without some ribbing! They think it is hipocritical because I used to smoke, I gave up 7 years ago when I knew we would soon start ttc.

My FIL smokes loads and DD has never been to their house because it absolutely stinks (even to the point if MIL knits her something it really smells!!).

I am now pregnant, very early days...but I really thought that when I went to mums house last week she might not smoke so much, but no, she says her house her rules and they never used to have all these silly rules in her day and we are all fine!!

I really sympathise with you! I think there is nothing more important than LO's health and we should do all we can to protect them, and so should the rest of their family!! Xxx



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  • "BooBoo" started this thread

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Saturday, March 3rd 2012, 10:54pm

hi dusky
thanks for your reply hun.
i get so worried about the smoking thing. i hate anyone near LO after they have had a cig, it drives me mad. at first people respected what i asked but now they have started to cause arguments about it with the 'it never did u any harm' thing.

when i went to mil today i could smell her house as soon as i walked in. its totally gross and i hated been there with lo. i think i'm just going to have a huge argument with dh about it if thats what it takes and say its best if his mum comes to see us (which is what she usually does anyway). i think he just wanted to make an appearence but it bugs me that it doesn;t bother him to take lo there when it stinks so much from second hand smoke.

my relationship with my mum has gone really bad sinse the birth of my lo as she just doesn;t get the smoking thing. she thinks i'm trying to stop her bonding with lo which is totally ridiculous.

sorry to hear your in the same situ hun cos it really is upsetting isn't it

huge congrats on the BFP hun and wishing u a happy and healthy pregnancy xxx


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Sunday, March 4th 2012, 12:12am

My DH smokes rollies and I have the rare occasional one too now. :-(
This is how it works. No one smokes in the house. Smoking jackets are worn with hoods up and for a further 5 mins after the cig the person has to stay outside. Then it is in, wash hands thoroughly with medicated soap, Mints in mouth or fresh breath spray and no cuddling baby for a further 10 mins. The smell has gone by then as it is not on any clothes or in hair.
I can smell smoke a mile off if someone has just had one outside but it does go after 5 mins if that procedure is followed. I can not smell my DH when he has been for a cig now and thats not because I am joining him. I rarely do. Its because he has stayed out for that 5 extra mins. He leaves the paper out there.
I hate that I have the odd one and if only DH would quit then not another would pass my lips. I gave up completley for tx and during pg and up until recently. There is such a stigma around it that it is no longer cool or acceptable.
My DGD,s other nanny smokes normal fags about 30 a day and in the house and around the kids. They reek when they come up to me. It is totaly disgusting. I would die of embarrasment if that was me causing that. I used to smoke alot when my boys were wee but that was 20 odd years ago and it wasnt seen as so wrong back then. I am totaly beside myself that I did that now.

Anyway back to your problem. If it isnt one thing its your mother eh! Do not let her smoke around LO, even from the doorway and no matter how old she gets. Your baby will reek like an ashtray if she does. Not just that but we are more aware than ever of the dangers of passive smoking. I am shocked your mother even wants too. I only have my odd one outside, once every several days, when Mi is asleep and I am not likely to need to be around her. Last week I didnt smoke atall. I can give or take it really. It is not important to me like it is for DH. He gave up for tx and for the first part of my pregnancy, then succumbed again. He just can not quit, even though he has high BP and has been told he must. I would give anything for him to stop and therefore no odd ones for me.

Your mum smokes and that is her right, but if she wants to see her DGD then she has to abide by some rules. You are not asking the earth, you are asking for a perfectly normal and understandable request for the health of your very, very precious baby. I do not take my baby to see people who smoke in the house and I have the odd one. Expecting a complete non smoker too is just mentalism.
I was invited round for an eve to another smoking friends house & I said I would get a sitter. She asked why and I told her that LO has never been subjected to it and I want to keep it that way. She said thats understandable and they will smoke outside and wash hands after. I never demanded, they accepted a very reasonable request.
You are doing nothing wrong Booboo. No one, not any hardened smoker, can possibly have an argument against you.

GL Hon
x

Stick with it. She will give in. Her need to be with her GD will make sure of it.

Good Luck x

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Sunday, March 4th 2012, 8:24am

My lo is 2 and half and I would never let anyone smoke in the same room as him.

We are lucky as the only person that smoked occasionally was mil and she's given up due to mouth cancer!

At the end of the day she is your child and if they want time with her your rules go.

You stick to what you think is best.

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Sunday, March 4th 2012, 9:42am

:hello:

All I can say is that I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and I think that the GPs are not showing you much respect. Regardless of what they think they should stick to your rules when they come to your house and respect your wishes, you are not asking them to do anything unreasonable. Perhaps you can just agree to disagree on the matter but stick to your guns and ask them to stick to your rules when they visit your home. Surely your Mum doesn't enjoy arguing with you over it either?

xxxx






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Sunday, March 4th 2012, 4:47pm

:wave: Boo!

I'm sorry you're getting so upset over the whole smoking thing hunny. It's not nice especially as you went through so much to get lovely Lydie and are only wanting to do your best for her as a mum. Trying to see the GP's and your mum's side of things I think it really is a generation thing and them thinking that there wasn't all this 'fuss' when they were bringing up you and DH. My dad has always smoked and there are plenty of photos of him holding me as a baby along with a cigarette in his mouth! All of DH's family smoke like chimneys too and I hate it when we have been over there and I come out absolutely stinking. I always have to shower before going to bed if we've been over there for the evening so I think I'd be in exactly the same situation as you if I had my own LO and want to avoid going over there.

Could you not have them all round together and just calmly explain that this is the way you want it and that you're not trying to hurt them or prevent them from spending time with Lydie but that she is your daughter and you should be able to bring her up as you want without getting stressed over it? Is there any literature out there that explains the effects of passive / 2nd hand smoking on babies to back you up? It's not just you being fussy hun. You know I've been looking into adoption and when phoning different agencies we're always asked if we smoke as they won't place a child under 5 with you if you do.

Thinking of you hun and hope you get something sorted soon [zx127]

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Sunday, March 4th 2012, 6:43pm

I don't know what the solution is, but Ì do know that you are NOT being unreasonable. They are not showing you the respect you deserve for looking out for what is best for your LO. Passive smoking is as bad, if not worse and I think it is interesting what mini mcgee says about adoption and smoking.

I think you should just be confident that you are doing the right thing by her and for the meantime don't take LO round - just have them come to you. Maybe not mention it for a while, after all they do know how you feel, but are not listening to you. You shouldn't have to keep repeating yourself or feel that you are the bad one. They can choose to continue smoking etc, but you can choose to not take LO round.

Ideally, the best thing would be for them to not smoke in the house, but if they have done this all their lives in their homes then they won't give it up now. I understand where you are coming from totally. My Gran smokes (quite a lot actually!) however, we have no other option but to take LO round or she would never see her. We have started picking her up and taking her to ours, just so we don't have to take LO into a smelly smoke filled house. xxx



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Sunday, March 4th 2012, 7:57pm

Booboo - sorry to hear you're still having this problem. I agree with all the comments above. Stick to your guns hun - don't take your LO round to their house unless they can respect your wishes. I can't believe that after what you have been through to get your precious child they are prepared to cause harm by passive smoking, which they would be doing. They are being very disrespectful. I hate all this oh when you were a baby we did this and that and you turned out fine, it really winds me up.

Like Taxi, my DH has the occasional cig and I hate it but he washes his hands thoroughly, wears a jacket as he goes outside and uses mouthwash. He tends to have one more when N has gone to bed so won't be in contact with him really until morning.

I agree also with finding info on how passive smoking is dangerous and mention about the adoption rules. Surely if it didn't cause harm they woudn't insist on non smoking households. It's a shame DH can't agree but as with most mother/son relationships the sons tend to not want to upset their mothers don't they?!

Anyway, I know it's upsetting but keep reminding yourself that you are doing the right thing and don't be bullied into thinking otherwise. I am pretty sure they won't stop seeing your LO over having a cig so will soon call round for cuddles.

Take care xxx




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Sunday, March 4th 2012, 9:42pm

hi ladies and thank you so much for all your replys.
It really means alot to have reasurance i'm not been a neurotic new mum!
I've been abit fed up today cos me and dh had a row about it this morning. Basically been at his mums house for 2 hrs yesterday gave me a headache and i've felt quite wheezy sinse. I'm not been a drama queen - it really is that stinky in his mums house as she is a heavy smoker. I'm not bothered about how it made me feel but it really worried me about what it might have done to lo. I was really annoyed that he darn't upset his mum by asking them to us next time rather than us visit her. It is his daughters health we are talking about so he should be more bothered about that than upsetting anyone.

I don't expect my mum or mil to stop smoking in their own houses, i just wish they'd understand why i'd rather them come to us. I also dread the day they want to have lo overnight cos i really don't want her stopping in a house of a heavy smoker even though they wouldn't smoke if she was there. They don't get that there houses are still smokey cos there previous cigs cling to everything.

Its harder with mil as i think it should be dh that explains as i've done so with my mum. His mum and sister all smoke infront of there children though so they really do think i am over the top and fussy.

Anyway i've told dh i will fall out with anyone if it concerns my daughters health as i feel so strongly about it. I will just make sure that mil comes to us to visit cos i am just not happy taking her to a smokey house. Mil has a right to smoke in her own home when we are not there with lo and i wouldn't dream of saying otherwise, but i have a right to protect my innocent daughter from passive and 3rd hand smoke.

Mimi m- it is very interesting that adoption don't allow smokers to adopt lo's younger than 5. I thought there might be some regulations like that. I def need to get some literature together and maybe put it together and email it to my mum. She just needs educating but she doesn't believe what i tell her.

Blessed- ha...yeah men don't like upsetting their mums but its very annoying when its my daughters health thats at risk....grrr! I have fallen out with my mum and we're close usually but my daiughter comes first now. My mum fell out with me cos i didn't want to visit her while she was glossing too...sometimes i think she just likes to wind me up!

Well i feel better that no one has told me i'm been ridiculous. All i ask is that smokers do it outside and i'd rather not visit a heavy smokers house or have lo stay there overnight. I am actually an ex smoker myself and stopped when ttc so i know its hard to stop and i wouldn't expect them to stop....i just wish they'd respect my wishes about visiting lo.

Does anyone have an suggestions for when mil does ask to have lo overnight? How can i politely tell her her house is way to smokey? I don't want to upset her but it really is like stepping in a tap room in the days when people smoked in pubs.......

Thanks for all your replys xxxxxxx


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Sunday, March 4th 2012, 9:59pm

Hi Hun

No you're not being unreasonable at all. My dad's ex has offered to have our girls, she smokes in the house and I wouldn't let them go there purely because of it. She's is fantastic, a wonderful woman who I love to bits but I won't expose my girls to that. My DH also smokes outside and I'm always giving him earache about it, I hate it and I wish he'd stop.

Do you have the 'Birth to Five' green book given to you when your LO was born? Page 27 says don't let anyone smoke in the same room as your baby. Page 120 says 17,000 children under 5 are hospitalised because of illnesses related to second hand smoke.

Have a look at this Non–smokers and children (**not a FZ endorsed link**) and print it off if you think it will help.

Most of all stick to your guns and tell your DH to look out for his DD, he needs to do what is best for her not what keeps his mum happy while putting your DD's health at risk.

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Sunday, March 4th 2012, 11:05pm

With regards to relatives asking to have LO overnight, would you be OK with her staying overnight at anyone's house, whether they were smokers or not? Staying overnight for any other reason than babysitting for you is a sleepover (in my opinion) and sleepovers are meant to be fun. It'd be nice for L to remember that she had a fun sleepover, so maybe wait until she is older. Being honest, at 8 months old, she's not going to be sat in play tent in her GP's front room, watching DVD's and eating ice cream is she?! Not yet, anyhow.

OK, its nice for others to spend time with her so what about suggesting they take her out for the day, or just a few hours. She's in bed in the early evenings, so they'll get more quality time with her in the day. What about saying something along the lines of that you know they'd like to spend time with her and then suggest to them that they take her swimming, to the park, out for her lunch (where they get to site in a cafe and feed her mashed food!), out shopping for clothes/toys for her ... anything that you know she enjoys. And its in public places where they can't smoke. You don't have to deal with the hassle of saying no, and they get to spend time with the lovely L...win win situation!

I hope it works out hun, I imagine it feels like a constant battle.
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Monday, March 5th 2012, 5:43am

Hiya

I also do not think you're being unreasonable.

My mum smokes but has never smoked around O. She knows the dangers and doesn't want to expose her granddaughter to them. If anything I think they and your DH are being unreasonable.

As your baby you have every right and it's your job to protect them and stop them coming from harm. If I was in your shoes and it wast DH I'd tell h to grow a pair and strt thinking about the health of his daughter, and actually yes, I can stop him taking her anywhere, and even more do if I feel it risks her health. I'd them probably ask hi if he'd do a sky dive without instruction and without a parachute, no? Well I'm my LO's parachute and she's had no instruction. Tough.






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Monday, March 5th 2012, 10:59am

polly pocket - thanks for that link hun. yes i have got the birth to 5 book, i will dig it out and have a look. there's actually loads on the internet about second hand smoking too but i think my mum prefers to skip them bit when she's doing her googling.

chilli - i wouldn;t mind L stopping out if it was for babysitting purposes, like if me and dh were going out it would be nice to know L was safe with GP's and we could have a lie in every now and again. i just can't do it though as both sets of GP's have smokey houses. my mums house is prob the better of the 2 as she does try and air the house out with windows open, but mil's house is just gross. she chain smokes with sil with windows and doors shut so even though they don;t smoke when we are there u can still smell it really bad. i had to change L's clothing after been there 2 hours so the thought if her been there overnight would drive me crazy. thats a good idea about suggesting they have L for a walk or something. next time dh is off work rather than him take her to his mums i will suggest they go to the park together or let his mum take her to the park. i'd feel much better about that. i used to do that with my mum but she would moan that L fell asleep in the pram so she wasn't bonding with her....there's no pleasing sometimes!!

flic - i did tell dh to grow some when we were rowing. i was annoyed i am prepared to stand up to my mum (and she's not the easiest person the disagree with) when he's too scared of upsetting his mum over protecting our daughters health. it wound me up cos i think his daughters health should have come first without a doubt. he said i now made him feel uncomfortable taking L up to his mums....but i said he should feel uncomfortable taking her up there anyway with it been so smokey! does your mum smoke in her house when you are not there? its the thought of the lingering smoke from hourse before is around that bothers me too. i would like L to stop at my mums when she's older and have fond memories of GP's but i just don;t feel comfortable with it while my mum smokes in her house. my mum also smokes upstairs as well as down stairs.


i've not spoke to my mum sinse she fell out with me on fri night when she called me neurotic for not taking L over while she blows smoke out of the kitchen door! i am standing my ground on this one though. my nephew (dh's side) is only 3 and is half deaf in one ear as he has had ear infection after ear infection and i can't help but think it won;t have helped sil smoking while she was pregnant and then they all just smoke in the other room when he's about (rather than outside). also most of my nieces and nephews have had asthma at some point and i just don;t want my L brought up like that. so they think i'm fussy cos i wouldn;t be happy with people smoking in the kitchen while L was in the next room.

its so hard. i really hope my mum comes round cos i know she loves L....i just don;t think she gets it that smoke lingers and causes harm.

thanks again for all you replys ladies xxxxxxxxx


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Monday, March 5th 2012, 11:26am

Hiya,

No my Mum doesn't smoke in the house when we're not there. Simply because she doesn't want to pass anything onto O. I'm lucky in that she isn't in denial and does know the risks and now we've been told my LO has asthma she's even more careful.

I am with you completely. Your LO is an innocent in all this. If (god forbid) she decides to smoke when she's older thats a completely different matter. At this moment in time YOU are in charge of what goes into her lungs and if that means no cigarette smoke then that is totally acceptable.

Its not just second hand smoke, its 3rd hand smoke and toxins that linger AFTER a cigarette has been finished and put out. Children get respiritory diseases all the time from adults smoking.

Chain smoking in your house is fine but just don't expect to be visited by non smokers or people with children.

Don't let yourself get upset by them at all. There is no excuse anymore for not knowing the risks. Its everywhere, even on the packets. If smoking is more important than your daughters lungs and health then fine, but don't get mardy because you don't visit because you don't want to be breathing in chemicals.

I was told an amazing statistic, 'there are around 300 cot deaths a year in the UK and it was nearer 2,500 20 years ago. Nearly all of those 300 cot deaths are to smoking households.' What does that tell you?!

Your LO is exactly what your ticker says. Precious. And if they don't like that then tough.

Stick to your guns and don't let them get you down. And get your DH to read this thread too. He seriously needs to man up and sort out his priorities.






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Monday, March 5th 2012, 5:09pm

ah flic that makes a world of difference that your mum doesn;t smoke in her house. i don;t think smokers realise how much their houses stink if they smoke in there homes as they just become used to it so thats why my mum and inlaws don;t see the problem as long as they arn't smoking while we are there.
i've actually been doing some googling and smoke from a cigarette lingers for up to 3 hours after it is put out....i know my mum and mil smoke more than 1 every 3 hours so just imagine the build up...urggh!
thanks for sharing your experience hun, it sounds like your mum is doing all she can to protect her grandaughter :-))


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Monday, March 5th 2012, 7:09pm

It does make a world of difference. If I go in and I can smell any smoke I make a big deal of it too and open the doors and stuff and then my Mum panics and is outside again!

Google 3rd hand smoke. Thats scary.

Smokers don't realise how bad they smell at all.






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Wednesday, March 7th 2012, 10:32pm

Hi again peeps.....

i've been talking to dh about mil's smokey house and my own mum still isn;t talking to me.....i feel like i'm up against everyone at the moment and all i want to do is protect my precious lo's health.

apparently mil didn;t have a cig for a good while before we went over on saturday yet i still found it too smokey. so my point to dh was that just cos they don;t smoke when we are there doesn;t make it right and even though they are trying to make things better for L to visit its still to smokey so i would still rather them visit us than my daughter go sit in what i think is a smokey house.

so is the general concensus in here that u wouldn;t take your lo's to a house of a heavy smoker even if they didn't smoke while u are there with lo's? i just can't see a compromise that will make us all happy as mil is bound to want L over at her house at some point in the future and her daughters don;t see a problem with her smokey house so i think they just think i'm been awkward.

i don;t know if i'm been paranoid but i had a headache all saturday while i was at mil's house and when i got home. then the next morning i started with a sore throat and i've had a cough sinse. maybe its a coincidence as dh and lo have had colds for the past couple of week but i was fine until i went and sat in a smokey house. it just really worries me what it might have done to L and when dh wants to take her over there again i just won;t be comfortable with it. i just know this is going to cause arguments......

how can i say to mil.....'well actually even though u didn;t smoke before we came over with L i still thought your house stunk of stale smoke'.... in the nicest way possible? i don;t want to fall out with mil but i will do anything to protect my daughters health.

feeling really fed up about the whole thing as me and dh are the only non smokers in our family so everyone just thinks i'm been daft/awkward/neurotic/OTT...... :-(


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Bells

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Wednesday, March 7th 2012, 10:51pm


how can i say to mil.....'well actually even though u didn;t smoke before we came over with L i still thought your house stunk of stale smoke'.... in the nicest way possible?


Just say "well even though you didn't smoke before we came over with L, the smell was really quite strong. I know 'you' can't smell it but I struggled with it and it gave me a headache, you can understand why it's probably better for L if you come to us in future". And then smile apologetically.

I felt exactly the same as you do now Booboo. All I can say is that as L gets older and seems more resilient, you will probably find that it bothers you less. It's still bloody annoying that people put their own habit before your precious little one's best interests :rollseyes: but L will seem more able to cope as she gets bigger (and can play in the garden etc) it will possibly seem less of a compromise for her to spend some time at their house. While she's still a babe in arms it's appropriate to make sure she's only in places that feel 'safe' to you.

taxihome

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Thursday, March 8th 2012, 12:24am

I spoke to someone today, who is also a grandma, and a heavy smoker that smokes in her house.
She told me, she would be more than happy to not smoke around a baby/child if her daughter or son in law asked her not too. She also said that she isn't prepared to stop smoking in her own home, In between visits from them.
She had a reasonable argument for the latter. She said ......Why should she, who doesn't have kids live with her, who pays the mortgage and has brought all the furniture, not smoke in her own house when a child isn't there, just so that once a week she can see them for an hour.
To me her not smoking round them, is the most important. And she mentioned she would air the house for a good few hours prior to them arriving.

At the end of the day, a parents wishes for their baby should be adhered to. However we can't really ask or demand they do things our way when we or our babies are not there though. As long as while you and the babies are there, they do not smoke (and no harm in asking for an airing prior to a visit) We can't expect people to give up because we don't like it.
I think people forget or just aren't informed of how bloody difficult it is to give up smoking. No one pats an ex smoker on the back to congratulate them for giving up. It is just expected. . It isn't crack cocaine or weed. It isn't good but it is not the worst. I'd rather be around a smoker than a raving alcoholic. There is a silly amount of scare mongering going on ref smoking although the majority of information is fact. It should by now be on everyone's mind that smoking around people has consequences.Therefore I could never understand why anyone would want to. Nor can I understand why people would want to smoke in their house anyway.


Booboo you have to protect L and that is understandable. It is not good for her to be in a smokey environment neither is it good for her to lose out on her Grandparents. Something has to give here. I hope the grandparents adhere to your wishes. They are certainly not unreasonable.
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This post has been edited 2 times, last edit by "taxihome" (Mar 8th 2012, 12:35am)


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Thursday, March 8th 2012, 6:55pm

bells - thanks for the reply hun. i think referring to their house as still smelling 'strong' sounds better than saying it stinks : D i agree that i probably worry about it more as she is a babe in arms. her lungs are still developing ect and i'd hate to think if she got asthma i could have prevented it. i just want to protect my lo in the best way possible.....but without her missing out on her granparents.

taxi - hi hun. I absolutely agree that your friend or my mum/mil shouldn;t have to stop smoking in their own home inbetween our visits....i would never ask that of them, its not my right to ask them to change how they do things in their own house when my daughter isn;t their. i just wish they would understand how smokey it is from a non smokers point of view so it does worry me that L is still breathing it in as its still in the air. i think i might have to get dh to ask that they open the living room window next time so at least the house has had a good airing. tbh, mil does visit us more than we visit her ut the times we do visit it is very smokey. i dont know if i've mentioned but i am actually an ex smoker myself so i know how hard it is to give up....but i had a good incentive in that i wanted to get pregnant ;) now i can't stand the smell and it makes me feel sick....i'm prob one of those annoying ex smokers that now hates smoke..lol. thats the thing about the scare mongering too....everyone knows that passive/2nd hand smoking is so bad, its the 3rd hand smoke where the research is a bit squiffy but then i'd hate to take a chance with l's health.

one thing i don;t want to do is make it hard for l's grandparents to see her ect. so i think the way forward is i'm just going to have to risk offending and ask dh's mum to air her house out abit more (even when i was a smoker i never liked going over cos it was so smokey and i don;t think they ever have windows open) and just try and get them over to us more than we go to them. as for my mum well i'm still not happy with her wanting to smoke in the kitchen and blow the smoke out of the door so i'm standing my ground there.................

at the end of the day i just want to protect my lo but i don;t want to come between her relationship with her gp's either.... its a hard one.

thanks for all your replys.


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Thursday, March 8th 2012, 7:40pm

Hello
I just wanted to say that I totally agree with you regarding the whole smoking issue. Before I had my dd i never really worried about anything but after 8 years in the making i would do anything to protect her and i worried about many things! one of them was smoking. I have never let anybody smoke in my house so that was never a worry and i am also lucky that both sets of grandparents dont smoke but my brother and sister and sister in law all smoke. They would smoke outside and then wouldnt pick up my dd afterwards. Its easier to tell someone of your own age, its the older generation that its harder to tell. saying that my Mum was very ill after i was born and i lived with my grandparents for the first 2 months of my life and they both smoked 40 a day and they thought nothing of smoking whilst holding me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck.


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taxihome

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Thursday, March 8th 2012, 9:57pm

Boo I think your decision is brilliant.
Oh and yup the worst non smokers are ex smokers. That's all good though. Everyone should moan about them if they are affecting them and those held close.
I have never understood wanting your house to smell like an ashtray myself, but each to their own.

Remeber you have nothing to be ashamed of in asking them to air the house and not smoke around her. It is them that should be ashamed if they can not see your point. Smokers are very often overly protective of their rights to smoke however they have no choice but to see the injustice in doing it around non smokers and children.

Be brave and remember, you are in the right. YOU ARE!!!!
X

[zx071]
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Jan/11:ICSI:BFP: bab21 [zx115] Our dream has finally come true
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