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  • "kittenlove" started this thread

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Tuesday, February 26th 2013, 8:33am

How to tell my mother my worries about bringing my newborn to her house because of her smoking!

:zipit: I have such a worry about how to tell my mum that I don't want to take my baby to her house as she is a smoker! My mum is the most loving person ever but I don't know how to tell her that I don't want my DD in her house. My mum gave up smoking for many many years but started again a few years back. I have never smoked and absolutely hate smoking. Before I was even pregnant I had a problem with going to her house. She would first smoke in her garden but then after a while she would smoke at her back door facing outwards but still talking to me. Then she just started smoking in her living room with me in it. She knows I hate smoking but still did it. When ever I would get home my hair and clothes stunk of it until they were all washed! So I started going there less.
Now I have my DD who is 6 weeks tomorrow. I did say to my mum that when she comes to my house to visit she mustn't have smoked for at least two hours before she picks baby up. I think she wasn't too happy but agreed. She's only visited once though :tear:
My problem is that she called me last week asking me to come there this week sometime so she can cook me a dinner see baby. I said I would let her know this week when I can come but really I don't want to take baby into her house at all. I so don't want to upset her and don't know how to say it..... :no: My health visitor has warned me about third hand smoke and SIDS!
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rb76

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Tuesday, February 26th 2013, 9:11am

I think this is a really difficult situation, when it comes down to it you are just going to have to bite the bullet and tell her, and its always really hard being in that position! Surely your mum must have some idea that you have reservations, because of what you have already said? I think really the best thing is to be totally honest and to say that you're really sorry, and you would love to bring your daughter to spend some time with her, but you're really worried about the effects of the smoke. I would also say that having gone through such a lot to have your daughter you feel particularly protective of her. Could you suggest that you all go out to lunch somewhere? I think it's really important for her to know that it's the smoke you have a problem with and not her. At the end of the day she should take some responsibility as well and accept your feelings.
If its easier maybe you could put it all in a letter and speak to her once she's read everything you wanted to say?
Hope it gets sorted!

Me - 36 DH - 48. TTC since 2008
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Babies born by emergency c-section at 24 weeks on 30th August 2013, One beautiful little angel passed away shortly after birth. Sleep tight sweetheart x :heart:
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sasha146

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Tuesday, February 26th 2013, 9:15am

Hi Kittenlove

i also hate smoking and there's nothing worse than stinking of smoke, my mother in law is a heavy smoker and has always smoked in the house and in every room, i respect it's her house and she can do as she likes but when it came to my ds i felt i had to say something, we don't visit her often but what i did ask was that if she knew we were coming over if she could open the windows in the house to at least let some fresh air in and smoke out and also if she had to smoke indoors could she smoke in a room my ds wouldn't be in like her bedroom, i also asked if she had to smoke while we were there if she could wash her hands afterwards, i'm no expert but i think your dd would be ok to be held by your mum after she has smoked as it's not all the time or for any length of time, look at all the people who do smoke around there children, i'm not saying it's right and i know everything new can be a worry but i honestly think your dd would be ok, and maybe if your mum is so distracted by your dd she won't have time to think about smoking, it's hard as it's an addiction and one i don't nderstand as i have never smoked but hopefully your mum understands.

x
ME 30 DH 37

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