FertilityZone

Hi Ladies :) I have been breastfeeding DD2 for almost 10 months. I really struggled to feed DD1 and after incredibly sore / bleeding nipples and a baby that just wailed at me 24/7 I threw in the towel at 4 weeks old (much much sooner than i'd hoped). Ever since then I was determined to breastfeed my next and read everything and anything for the next 3 years until my next (and final) baby arrived. I don't know why it was so important to me but I was going to breastfeed this baby no matter what. Luckily it came a lot easier this time around - perhaps through new found knowledge or perhaps just an easier baby to feed. I exclusively breastfeed and was fortunate enough to have a plentiful supply to donate for the first 6 months. Me and DD2 love our breastfeeding relationship and I can't imagine not sharing that with her but recently Ive been feeling so sad. We have reached 10 months and I am all so aware that I am back at work in 3 months and although I plan to keep feeding up until the age of 2, I know that it will probably naturally tail off and I just feel like im losing my identity and purpose. I love her tugging at my top, throwing her head back, pinching my skin and grabbing my hair. This last 10 months has flown and I know that probably within the next 10 months it will all be over :( I never prepared myself that I would feel like this. I felt intense guilt after giving up with DD1 but I thought once i'd made it this far I'd be happy to move on to the next stage. Ive been lately considering having one more baby but DH and I have always planned 2 and financially this is comfortable however I am sure this sudden change of heart is breastfeeding related and I am hoping this urge for another might pass...why do I feel so sad? is there anything I can do to feel happy about moving on when it does happen?

thank you bells.

I think you've hit the nail on the head with the 'special little club' analogy. I have wanted to be part of that 'club' for the last 3 years and until now I was an outsider looking in. im just not ready to leave yet! :) Breastfeeding did not come naturally to me so this was my 'Everest' and i feel so pleased that i've given a second chance. I feel such a close connection and I don't want to lose that with her. I just hope that I can move on to something new but breastfeeding aside I feel that once C has weaned then I have moved on from my baby years and into the next stage which really makes me sad. I guess im like this with each and every stage of my life....it took me many years to mourn my uni days! :) xx