FertilityZone

Hello, i am so sorry that i have no advice for you but ijust wanted to say hi and i hope you get some answers soon. Of course you are going to make noise with 2 LO to get out o the door, Also your neighbour screaming and shouting and swearing is not going to help matters. I do hope you get some helpful advice soon xx

So did you make the whole day without a tantrum hun???
Just thinking would some kind of reward chart work with you DD, I know she is 8 but it works on super nanny with older children, maybe something a bit more then a star chart, maybe she could have 3 sections per day 1) getting out the door for school etc with no tantrum, 2) after school say til after dinner 3) geting ready for bed and into bed with no fuss. I have no clue as if this was to work but just suddenly thought about it, good luck x

Awwww, chick, I'm sorry I can't really advise you either.

Whats she like at school and with other people?

Evening. First of all, big hugs to you - no-one tells you that it gets harder as they get older do they?! Just in different ways.

Neither of mine have reached 8 yet but I do have a 5 year old who is currently going through a whiny stage and driving me crazy so I can empathise a bit.

Re. your neighbour - of course you/your family are going to make noise in the morning so I think your neighbour needs to wind her neck in. I'd also be miffed at someone swearing in front of my children so she sounds pretty out of order to me.

Re. your daughter's tantrums - I don't know really. Is she tired out? Doing lots of extra curricular stuff? Only thinking that my DD1 turns into a horror if she's had a really busy time and is tired. Is school ok? Friends/school work etc? Maybe have a word with her teacher to check everything is ok, and ask what she's like at school? And is she ok with stuff at home? I know how hard it is to juggle the needs of 2 kids and sometimes (well, at least in my house) my DD1 has to take a back seat when I'm dealing with DD2's toddler behaviour.

As for managing it - again I don't know. Probably a good chat - maybe go out the two of you for lunch or cake and have proper alone time to talk it through? A friend of mine uses jars of balls - they get moved between the two based on good/not so good behaviour and if all the balls end up in the good behaviour jar her daughter gets a treat. That would be a 'carrot' method I supose. And a 'stick' method would be to remove something she loves e.g. TV for an afternoon or going to a friend's for tea etc.

And finally, you are not a bad Mum. We all shout - there are days when I go to bed promising myself I'll do better tomorrow - its hard when you're busy and tired and juggling a million things.

I hope its just a 'phase' of your DD1 pushing her boundaries which I suspect might be pretty common for a little girl of 8 and that things calm down soon. Let us know how you get on.

x

hi, have you heard of 'the incredible years' book? my old HV offered this in the form of a course to get mums helping each other /advice etc. they gave us this book which made sense of a lot of things like tantrums etc
ask the HV for a copy or a library, it really helped a lot of the mums in similar situations and the book reflects all ages. hope this may be of some help?
my fave is the ignore principle with rewarding good behaviour (the ignore principle works well on DH too!)

i must admit i think its a attention problem. even though shes getting what she wants, by throwing a tanty shes getting more attention - any is better than none. unfortunatley shes figured this out by the reaction shes getting. perhaps shes feeling a tad insecure with the new addition? i defo think that book may help perhaps if shes realising the upset with the neighbour - make her apologise to the neighbour, it may make her realise what she s doing?
hope you dont mind me being honest x

So sorry to hear you are still having problems with her, sorry i cannot offer advice as i am a way off that age yet, i really hope someone can help you soon, you sound at your wits end, sending hugs xx

Hi Debs (I think we may have spoken before many years ago - my username used to be jen2 8 8)

anyways I too have a fiesty 7 (nearly 8 year old). She is super sensitive and blows up like a bottle of pop at the slightest thing. I have just discovered something that is really working for us!

When she does something naughty instead of sending her to her room / timeout / punishment straight away ( I used to give her a warning followed by sometimes an empty threat e.g we wont be going to trampolining today even though we were meeting friends and had bought tickets already) I just say to her really calmly "Stop doing (xyz) or there will be a consequence". If she carries on I can either calmly decide on a consequence there and then or I tell her I'll let her know what it will be later. This part seems to work amazingly - I think she is that frightened of what that consequence will be e.g early night, lose her favourite book etc) she is stopping quite quickly. As far as tantrums and rudeness is concerned I now say to her "I am ignoring you now until you have calmed down and I am ready to listen". I completely blank her and carry on conversation with whoever else and lt her know when im listening. If she decides to do something naughty while Im ignoring I move back to the "stop doing xyz or there will be a consequence" I feel like a robot saying the same thing over again but it is really working and she is so much calmer!

I really wouldnt worry about what your neighbour thinks x