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  • "Bluey" started this thread

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Tuesday, April 24th 2007, 11:46pm

school decant

It's a long one ......

Callum's school has decanted as they need to build a new school to accommodate all the new houses within the village - the school was built to accommodate 50 kids and now there are just over 200. Anyway the school they have had to decant to is about 20/25 mins away on buses and Callum isn't coping too well. He is a very sensitve and emotional boy at the best of time but he is really not coping with this move at all - started school on Tuesday and I had to go and pick him up on Thursday afternoon as he was sick ... was off Friday and then had the weekend off and then an in-service day on Monday and ... was sent home again today ;( we have had a long chat about everything and I;m trying to make sure he isn't being bullied and not understanding the work or anything like that at all but he is fine with everything just says that the school is too far from home and he doesn't like it. I've tried the but it's still all your old teachers and friends and it's only for a year etc.. also tried the but you'll have to go to a school outside the village when you go to High School .. but he just come back with but I'll be older... I'm only 8 :( He really is getting himself into a state over this and I think the pains in his tummy are from worrying about going back there ... I'm going to keep him at home first thing tomorrow and phone the school and get an appointment with the Head and Callum's teacher tomorrow but I just don't know what to do to solve this problem ?( Earlier in the evening I suggested that he go to school and for the rest of the week I go up at lunchtime and take him out of school and then take him back after lunch and eventually this seemed ok but after he had gone to bed he came back down about 40 mins later twisting the bottom of his PJ top saying that he had pains in his tummy and chest and just didn't want to go to that school it was too far away and he didn't like it ... almost like a mini panic attack ?( what do I do ??

There is a school in the next Village (less than 5 min drive) but Callum doesn't do change well and he wont know anybody or the teachers and not sure if this will be just as traumatic for him as what he is going through just now .... and to top it all I'm due back at work on Monday but at the mo feel that he needs me to be there for him and sort this out for him :rolleyes:

Any advice guys??? Any teachers with any advice?????
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





clara

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Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 6:18am

I'm a teacher in an international school abroad and we have lots of children who come and go. Some settle in easily and some find it more difficult. Have other children from your village been moved to this school? If so, I would focus on this when talking to your son. Maybe only talking about the children he feels comfortable with.
Definitely go and talk to the teacher. Maybe they could set up a buddy system, where another child looks after your son, plays with him at playtime...Maybe the teacher would let your son sit next to someone he felt comfortable with (go with a list of names your son wants). Also the teacher can do something when they know about it. I had one parent a few years ago who told me that her daughter got really upset about homework, but she told me too late ie in February, they'd been having battles since September. I could have set different homework if only i'd known!!
What about a car pool, so that he's travelling to and from school with friends of his, so it's more fun - not saying you're not, but it might help him see that others are doing it...
If he makes a whole day of school, make a fuss of him. I'd try not to take him home if possible, so he gets more used to being in school. It might be hard to say no, but when I think a child is not ill, I tell the parent when I phone them and recommend they stay in school. Usually the child forgets about their illness after the Maths test...
Cant think of anything else at this time in the morning, but will think about it today. Keep persevering, it will get better, it usually takes a couple of weeks at my school for those that find it more difficult to settle.
Good luck, and I hope things calm down.
Clara


ICSIs
Dec 06 - Abandoned after E/C - no eggs,
Jan 07 - BFP - m/c 6w5d, Sept 07- BFN,
Jan 08 - BFN, Jan 10 - BFN
FETs
July 07 - BFN, July 08 - BFN

  • "Bluey" started this thread

Posts: 818

Reg: Oct 3rd 2005

Location: West of Scotland

Children: DS#1 (clomid) 1999 -vb - DS#2 (natural BFP) c-sec

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3

Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 9:36am

thanks so much Clara.

The whole school have decanted so all Callum's school friends and his usual teacher are in the decanted school with him ... its basically his old school just in another location and they all travel up on buses together and by all accounts have quite a bit of fun on the way up. He also sits next to two of his friends so that's not an issue either. He just doesn't seem to like to be that far from home and because he is sooooo sensitive and emotional it's really taking its toll on him ?(

I've phoned the Docs this morning and have an appointment today at 10.50am and have spoken with the school secretary and am just waiting on a call back from the Head Teacher with an appointment for later today.

Hopefully this will be a bit clearer by the end of today ... at least I should have an action plan.

Elaine
x
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





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Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 10:32am

I can't offer any advice Elaine but just wanted to send you and Callum big hugs, hope this all gets resolved for you both asap xxx

Me - PCOS
DH - Poor Motility & Morphology........
ICSI 2001 - DS / 2009 - DD - Our family is now complete :) :)







Bells

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Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 10:59am

Oh no, poor little chap.

I can really sympathise with both of you, him because he's obviously really struggling with the situation and you because I'd feel torn in two if he was my son.

I hope you and the school can work something out....He was obviously happy and settled before all this.... I wonder of he's feeling like the rug's been pulled out from under his feet and he's lost control of everything around him. It seems that it's not such a big change, what with the entire school population being at the decanted school, it's obviously the whole change of location that's making it all feel so new and different. I suppose it's like moving house... same furniture, same ornaments but different walls and different views, some of us just don't cope with it very well.





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Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 1:23pm

Sounds like good advice given, I agree you have to give it 2 or 3 weeks as it can take this long for some chn to get accustomed to the change.


Me 39, DH 40 Children, Lucy and DS (7)
Lucy lost in car accident 8th April 2002
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  • "Bluey" started this thread

Posts: 818

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Children: DS#1 (clomid) 1999 -vb - DS#2 (natural BFP) c-sec

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Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 3:06pm

Thanks guys

Well I've been up to the school and spoken with his teacher and she is surprised that he is feeling this way and says that it hasn't affect his work in any way and that he is still doing really well (in fact she said he is among 8 pupils who she is going to push a little extra this year so that they attain their level C in maths .. which she said would be a big achievement) so I'm happy with that and after a lengthly chat with her Callum is happier to continue to go to the decanted school and give it his best shot and he knows that if he feels a bit anxious that he can speak with his teacher (who actually only lives round the corner from us) so he seems happier and is going back tomorrow - he is sitting at the kitchen table working his way through the work that his class did today (I asked if we could bring stuff home so that he didn't miss anything).

I've also made an appointment with the school in the next village for 9.30 on Friday morning and have explained that Callum isn't dealing with the decant well but that he is giving it another go etc. but that I just want to come for a chat so that I have other options if I need them.

Being a mum is exhausting :rolleyes:
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





Bells

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Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 3:11pm

Oh I'm glad you've moved forward. Maybe it will help him just knowing that his Mum and his teachers are all on his side and he's not silently dealing with it on his own.

Once feelings of angst are out in the open they reduce their impact.





clara

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Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 4:05pm

I'm glad that things are on the up for you both...i've been thinking about you today.
Clara


ICSIs
Dec 06 - Abandoned after E/C - no eggs,
Jan 07 - BFP - m/c 6w5d, Sept 07- BFN,
Jan 08 - BFN, Jan 10 - BFN
FETs
July 07 - BFN, July 08 - BFN

  • "Bluey" started this thread

Posts: 818

Reg: Oct 3rd 2005

Location: West of Scotland

Children: DS#1 (clomid) 1999 -vb - DS#2 (natural BFP) c-sec

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10

Wednesday, April 25th 2007, 4:16pm

thank you guys -- it is really great to have virtual friends who are always there ... and there is always someone who can offer some advice and help ... please accept these :flowers: and these :chocs: and also some :cheers2:

blowkiss Elaine
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





  • "Bluey" started this thread

Posts: 818

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Location: West of Scotland

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11

Thursday, April 26th 2007, 2:10pm

I was out last night and when I left Callum was fine -- but DH said that he finished the work that had been sent home from school and then just went to his room and didn't want to talk to DH about it - he ate his dinner last night but didn't eat his supper (grapes - which he normally scoffs) and only had 1/2 slice of toast this morning for breakfast. When he got up this morning he was crying again saying that he couldn't do it and didn't want to go - I gave his a small jade dragon that I have to put in his pocket incas he felt homesick so he could stroke it and told him that would make him feel better - but we left for school with Callum a bit upset. I've spoken with his teacher this morning and she has said that he was a bit teary in school this morning (not in front of the other kids thankfully)

I'm at a loss to know what is best - I can't have him not eating and being so miserable and if I thought moving to the school in the next village would solve it I'd do it in a second but not sure if that will just put another set of worries up --- its not as though we could go and try the new school and then go back if he didn't like it ?( oh I'm lost again ;(
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





Bells

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Thursday, April 26th 2007, 3:12pm

Why don't you arrange for you and Callum to go and visit the other school and then have a talk about what he thinks would be best for him?

He's just a few months older than my DD1 so I'm trying to put myself in your shoes..... I think I would have to ask her what she wanted to do. The only other option is home schooling but I'm not sure that I would be happy letting those feelings of anxiety rule.





clara

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Thursday, April 26th 2007, 4:44pm

Bluey,

I'm sorry that it's not gone so well today. It's hard to know what to say.

Why is the school too far away for him? Is he missing playing with friends at the end of the day or before school or special time doing something with you? Was there something he could do before that he can't do now? Does he usually like travelling? Does he feel a bit ill on the bus? Does he have to get up earlier? Or rush his breakfast? Is he really worried about missing you when you go back to work?

I'd try to find out specifically what the problem is and then give it a week with him going to school and then see what it's like. Easier to say I know without feeling the upset...

Is he going with you to visit the other school tomorrow? It might be good for him, and you'll get a chance to discuss the positives and negatives of both schools and then with him choose. As long as he understands that the choice is binding for the rest of the year...

Hopefully he'll have felt a bit better by the end of the day though, in which case I'd say send him back tomorrow...keep the momentum going!!!

I can see how difficult all this is... Hopefully one day I'll find out for myself.
Good luck
Clara


ICSIs
Dec 06 - Abandoned after E/C - no eggs,
Jan 07 - BFP - m/c 6w5d, Sept 07- BFN,
Jan 08 - BFN, Jan 10 - BFN
FETs
July 07 - BFN, July 08 - BFN

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "clara" (Apr 26th 2007, 4:45pm)


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Thursday, April 26th 2007, 8:55pm

Ooh sorry Bluey. I'm sure most of it is a matter of time and you need a good couple of weeks before you can begin to gauge how well C will get over it. It's small consolation, but what a good thing this didn't happen a year ago when little G was a newborn. Hugs to Callum. :)
Had a total of three fresh IVF cycles and three frozen transfers (embryos and blastocysts)
m/c @ 11 weeks in 2007 DS1 and DS2 born from fresh IVF cycles :D
:D

  • "Bluey" started this thread

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Children: DS#1 (clomid) 1999 -vb - DS#2 (natural BFP) c-sec

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15

Friday, May 4th 2007, 7:55pm

well after many discussions and not sure what to do talks - we have taken Callum to see the school in the next village and he loves it ........ he starts on Tuesday (bank holiday on Monday) - just spent £70 on new polo shirts and sweatshirt 8o
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





Bells

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Friday, May 4th 2007, 7:59pm

8o Blimey!!!!

Well I hope he feels happier there, what a big decision to make but I'm sure it's the right one for him.





  • "Bluey" started this thread

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Tuesday, May 8th 2007, 10:02am

Well - Callum's first day at Inverkip Primary and he was soo excited ... wasn't worried at all ... bit nervous .. but excited nervous - iykwim :)) - hope he has a fab day .. his teacher seems really nice :)
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





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Tuesday, May 8th 2007, 1:04pm

Hope it's going well... update us when you get chance :)





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Tuesday, May 8th 2007, 1:18pm

Hope he's having a lovely first day E, let us know how it went x

Me - PCOS
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ICSI 2001 - DS / 2009 - DD - Our family is now complete :) :)







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Tuesday, May 8th 2007, 8:59pm

Hope he enjoyed his first day, Bluey.


Me 39, DH 40 Children, Lucy and DS (7)
Lucy lost in car accident 8th April 2002
TTC 6 years - ICSI x 4 - :BFN: x 4







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  • "Bluey" started this thread

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21

Wednesday, May 9th 2007, 10:34am

well ... the saga continues ... tears and snot again last night ;( ... not as bad as we had last time around but my heart is still roasted ... he needs to be able to handle change in his life ?( - I've explained that it's a really good school and that we think it's the best place for him - he is such a poppet but at the end of the day just needs to get on with it and I've .... eventually ... told him that. When I took him to school this morning within 3 second of entering the school grounds about 5 people were trying to talk to him but he was too busy focusing on me and whether I was going to speak to the Head teacher that he wasn't listening to them -- I told him to speak to his new friends and left him to it and went into the school to speak with his Head teacher ....... he will be fine .. he has no option ... it may just take a little time but I am at least confident that he is in the best place and that the Head teacher is in charge of the school and everything that happens in it.
I'm sure every day will get a little easier ;)
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





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Wednesday, May 9th 2007, 2:24pm

I think you're doing the right thing. You've done as much as you can, given him support and let him make his own decisions but now it's like it or lump it time.

I know it's painful but it really is for his own good. He knows that you're there for him to fall back on but he's also got to learn that sometimes you have to face things despite your fears.

I'm sure he'll learn to handle it soon xxx





  • "Bluey" started this thread

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Thursday, May 10th 2007, 2:38pm

thanks Bells -each day is getting much easier and no so many tears just loads of "what if" scenarios :headache - but he'll get there -- no option really so he'll be fine. Father & cub night tomorrow night (which he's really looking forward to) and I've told him that if we have no tears etc until next Friday that I'll take him to the pictures :rolleyes:
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!




This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Bluey" (May 10th 2007, 2:38pm)


Bells

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Saturday, June 16th 2007, 2:11pm

How's the little fella getting on now Bluey?

Has he settled in at the new school?





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Monday, June 18th 2007, 3:40pm

thanks for asking Bells - but nope we still "hate it" -- every night he comes home from school says he has had an ok day and goes out to play (after doing his homework of course :D ) - pops back in for dinner and then back out to play again .. and then without fail ... every bloody school night he suddenly doesn't feel well and starts asking if he has to go to school the next day if he's still not feeling well ... obviously to which I reply yes ... never mind it's almost the summer holidays - we stop on the 27th of June :))
DS#1 FEB 1999 (CLOMID)
DS#2 MAY 2006 - MIRACLE !!





Bells

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Monday, June 18th 2007, 6:16pm

Oh :(

Well like you say, only a few more weeks to go....

Poor little thing but you've tried every option available to you, not much more you can do is there?








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