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  • "Glitzy" started this thread

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1

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 7:54pm

DH asked "that" question ...

"When can we have sex??" - agggh. He reminded me apart from one fumble trying to induce my labour we have not had sex since before i was pg. I could pass out at the thought of it after a 3rd degree tear, numerous stiches and am still suffering from piles!! How long did you all wait? I have said not until after my 6 week check. Will I ever feel like it again???


5 x ICSI b.f.n
1 x FET resulting in my gorgeous son born 2007

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Monday, April 23rd 2007, 7:57pm

oh seety, you have had quite alot going on down there, sex might be uncomfortable for a while........i was told to 'try' to have sex just before the 6 week check so you could tell the m/w or dr of any problems.....might be worth a try but tell him to be gentle and dont rush into it...if you are not ready just tell him!

i think it was just before the 6 week check for us, but i wasnt keen....and remember, i had a section, so no stitches or tear to contend with. xx

love k xxx



I'm running down the road like loose electricity, while the band in my head plays a strip tease!


This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "cookie" (Apr 23rd 2007, 7:58pm)


Bells

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Monday, April 23rd 2007, 8:01pm

Tell him that (due to your bad tear) it's not safe to do until after your 6 week check. If there's anything that's not healed you might introduce infection.



I don't know if you'll ever feel like it again. I think that the tiredness and the responsibility does build up and sometimes we can feel a bit resentful that we're expected to be housemaid, nurse, nanny and provider of nooky while they watch the footy, slap us on the arse and try to undo our bra strap.

It's important for us to feel wanted and needed and in those first months of motherhood we're usually wanted and needed by the screaming bundle in the corner!





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Monday, April 23rd 2007, 8:09pm

Glitzy,

Do it when you feel comfortable.

But just remember to use somthing!! I did it just before my 6 week check to "check" if everything was getting back to "normal" down there, I was BF and after years of TTC etc etc I somehow got pg................with twins!!

Karenxx

and yes I does fell the same after a while (about 6-8months after stiches)

Karenxx













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Pootle

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5

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 8:17pm

God, my poor husband! I made him wait months - literally! I just didn't want to know! He was really good about it all actually, and we just kind of laughed about it together.

Have fun, whenever you're ready!!!!

x






My family is complete...I am grateful every day

DD1, natural miracle, 2005
DD2, IVF miracle, 2008


Chilli

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Monday, April 23rd 2007, 8:31pm

We waited till my 6 week check, I didn't tear so no stitches which if I had of done I couldn't of managed so soon after! But since then it's been fine, great infact ;)

If you don't feel ready then don't - being a new mummy is hard work and that 6 weeks flies by!

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Monday, April 23rd 2007, 8:38pm

We waited until 6 weeks check, but it did take about 4/5 months to feel fully normal again - and then it started to get better!

Don't do what my friend did, her son is nearly a year and they haven't yet - I think the longer you go without, the less you think you need it as part of your relationship, and it needs to be still there for both of you. They still haven't I and I keep naggin her to think about it.

Sorry, just read that. I sound so wise! ?( Maybe we should start a thread called 'Lesa has the answers'!!! (NOT)

Lol Lesa xxx
Keep smiling :happy:

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8

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 8:56pm

Hi hun,

Thats Isla 11 weeks old now and we've had sex a whole twice! Once at 9 weeks and the other on Sat (when i was drunk!)! Must be honest that for me its not really feeling the same but many people have assured me that it will begin to feel normal again the more we do it.
Me 33, DP 32
TTC for 3 years.
HSG showed 2 blocked tubes.
Lap and dye August 05 unblocked both tubes. :D Hurrah!!!! :D
Natural BFP 05/06/06

My beautiful baby girl was born 2 weeks early on 3rd February 2007

After many up's and down's we're back and ttc naturally in 2013!

Binky

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9

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 9:27pm

It was about 4-5 weeks and I had an episiotmony, I was so nervous and couldn't wait for it to be over lol. We went gentle for a few months but tbh its not the same as before L as I'm like Shhh was that L Shhh u will wake her or no I'm too tired etc etc lol

Take your time, and do it when you feel ready, maybe do other stuff first and leave the actual act for when you feel ready.

Jox

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10

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 9:42pm

Me, feeling guilty at poor dh's frustration, let him do it at 2 weeks - I think it was unpleasant for both of us!!!

We then did it again 2 weeks later, he told me how horrid it was the 1st time as it did'nt feel like me (sorry if TMI). Anyway, I am very reluctant because of all the before mentioned reasons from the other girls. It still doesn't feel right, always worrying about the baby, can the baby hear us!! And basically, I just don't feel like it anymore - and that was not what I was like before - infact quite the opposite! i have turned into the fridgid person I never thought I could be.

I only hope my wanting returns as I c annot help but feel sorry for dh as the baby has all of my love and attention and he feels very left out!
Lisa

:xxx3:

me 39 dh 42
IVF 06
DD arrived Feb 2007 at 37 weeks and 6 days
FET 1 - Nov 12 BFN ;(

Rufus

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11

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 10:15pm

I think that is part of that though. Your wee baby wants you so much that all your affection is given out to them - rightfully so as they need it. I do feel sorry for poor dh's at this point as it really is a chore for the mummy for some time. but please, like I said, it will get better. I don't want to do do a tmi, but ky helps too. \Hated even typing that. i'm away now x
Keep smiling :happy:

kski

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12

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 10:17pm

2008

so I've nbeen told
DAD to twins

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13

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 10:19pm

no Mr K it'll be more like 2010 wiht twins..........personally just not interested....wonder if its anything to do with BF




Torisen

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14

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 10:19pm

We had a few trial dips. When it was painful I told DP and we did other things, that was about 4-5 times...
I think that in the end I just learnt to relax and it was great again!

I think that the fear of pain is the worst.

We did try before 6 weeks but I was stupid enough to ask for a smear test on my 6 week check (speculums are not great) so it took me another 2 weeks after that to relax...

I just told DP that I was afraid and we took it slow.

He did bull in china shop once and I had a right fight with him! He was deprived after that!
ICSI Jan 2006 - BFP
MC one twin at 6 weeks
DS born in Oct 2006
BF DS 10 months 3 weeks and 5 days
FET 11/07, ICSI 12/07 (ABANDONED), ICSI 2/08, IUI 5/08 - BFN
Clomid IUI 7/08 BFP MC a twin... again :(


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15

Monday, April 23rd 2007, 10:48pm

Quoted

Originally posted by kungfulisa
I only hope my wanting returns as I c annot help but feel sorry for dh as the baby has all of my love and attention and he feels very left out!


Wella is right - when it is painful, "do other things". You can give each other love and attention in lots of ways. 8)
Had a total of three fresh IVF cycles and three frozen transfers (embryos and blastocysts)
m/c @ 11 weeks in 2007 DS1 and DS2 born from fresh IVF cycles :D
:D

Torisen

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16

Tuesday, April 24th 2007, 9:08am

I felt like I was cheating on Z with DP and then on DP with Zach but in the end I just thought that if we are going to have a good relationship then I needed to be selfish!
I didn't want for Z to be the one thing to keep us together and there was a reason for us having Z but to put an end to my love for DP was not one of them.
So sleep deprived or not I started to remember what DP was there for! Even if I wouldn't let him anywhere near my bits.
I told him that untl I could touch myself without being afraid he could not touch me.
In the beginning he would just hold his hand on my pubic bone and that was it.
:)

We are back to normal now but DP is tired in the evenings when I want some action and I am asleep in the morning when he is up for things...

Don't let sex turn into an issue you are avoiding. Talk to him about how you feel.
It is so important to have a conversation...

Sorry for ranting!
ICSI Jan 2006 - BFP
MC one twin at 6 weeks
DS born in Oct 2006
BF DS 10 months 3 weeks and 5 days
FET 11/07, ICSI 12/07 (ABANDONED), ICSI 2/08, IUI 5/08 - BFN
Clomid IUI 7/08 BFP MC a twin... again :(


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17

Tuesday, April 24th 2007, 9:55am

Quoted

Originally posted by Torisen
I felt like I was cheating on Z with DP and then on DP with Zach but in the end I just thought that if we are going to have a good relationship then I needed to be selfish!
I didn't want for Z to be the one thing to keep us together and there was a reason for us having Z but to put an end to my love for DP was not one of them.


I felt as if my body belonged to M, in fact my whole being belonged to her for a while. Its getting easier now I'm at work strangely, 'cos I'm me and not just her mum. And just because I didn't have a vaginal delivery doesn't make it any easier!





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18

Tuesday, April 24th 2007, 1:36pm

i was more suprised that DP wanted too - after what he saw happen down below.
i waited 2 weeks, its was fine - but i wasnt sliced and diced this time.







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19

Tuesday, April 24th 2007, 9:06pm

I think it was about 6-8 weeks for us, and it hurt like hell so we didn't actually "do" it, Dh was very understanding though and i think it was about 2 weeks later that we managed it, it was a couple of months before things felt normal, but tbh i have started to enjoy it as its so nicer when its just for sex and not for ttc!!!! xxx
Mum of 3 year old twins.
Had ICSI worked first time


Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get!!



Rivka

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Tuesday, April 24th 2007, 9:43pm

There has been a whole thread about this I think its "relationship after baby" some of us have been literally months if not approaching years and for me personally it almost became an "issue". Still not quite right but getting there and Plum is nearly one.

We had sex "properly" once during pregnancy and two / three times since she was born, thats four times in just uinder 21 months. It has only just in the last two weeks been anything approaching a pleasure.

I honestly think this is not something to be worrying about or beating yourself up about - your undercarriage has just done some serious work. The six week check up is only a signal that you are physically ready to start it up again, not that you are mentally or emotionally prepared for it. Take your time and I'm sure you'll know when YOU are ready xxx






This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Rivka" (Apr 24th 2007, 9:46pm)


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21

Saturday, June 23rd 2007, 4:24pm

Glad i stummbled across this thread glitzy

evie-mae is 4 weeks old, and i was wondering how long to wait before dh and i do things,lol

like you i had a terrible tear, and loads of stitches, which i think have healed quite well,
But things just dont look right down there, abit saggy, sorry tmi, i think i should have had more stitches because it looks like a double decker bus could fit in there,lol lmao
is it meant to be sooo stretched after giving birth,
i must admit i have been a good girl and do my pelvic floor exercises every day which i think is helping
ME 32, pcos, DH 47,
DH had Tese tx Jan 06
IVF/ ICSI July 06 ,
30 eggs collected, 2 transfered,
Had OHSS and OMG, :BFP:


  • "Glitzy" started this thread

Posts: 3,006

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: Scotland

Children: Max born March 07 - thanks to frozen embryo transfer, our little miracle

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22

Saturday, June 23rd 2007, 4:59pm

I would say hang off until after your 6 week check just because of the tear. Mind you I am at 12 weeks post birth and we still have not done it!!!


5 x ICSI b.f.n
1 x FET resulting in my gorgeous son born 2007

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23

Sunday, June 24th 2007, 9:01am

Well we plucked up the courage and went for it last nite,

poor dh was as nervous as me, as he diddnt want to hurt me,

i would say go for it Glitzy, i think the longer you put it off the more you wont want to do it
ME 32, pcos, DH 47,
DH had Tese tx Jan 06
IVF/ ICSI July 06 ,
30 eggs collected, 2 transfered,
Had OHSS and OMG, :BFP:


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24

Sunday, June 24th 2007, 1:37pm

I didnt want to do it for a LLLOOONNNGGGG time, I had a 3rd degree tear too. We had sex for the first time about 6 months after DD was born (partly cos he was in Iraq for 2 of those months). It wasn't the same, it was still uncomortable.



Torisen

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25

Sunday, June 24th 2007, 2:15pm

It takes some time to start relaxing!
ICSI Jan 2006 - BFP
MC one twin at 6 weeks
DS born in Oct 2006
BF DS 10 months 3 weeks and 5 days
FET 11/07, ICSI 12/07 (ABANDONED), ICSI 2/08, IUI 5/08 - BFN
Clomid IUI 7/08 BFP MC a twin... again :(


Rivka

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26

Sunday, June 24th 2007, 3:06pm

This is a quote from this weekends Guardian Magazine:

"It is normal to lose interest in sex, but its rather incovenient if you're in a relationship. Many women say they don't feel like sex or can't get aroused, especially as they get older and after children. Surveys show that people often have sex when they don't want to, but when its such a effort this isn't an option. A study in the journal of the American Medical Association found that 43% of 1749 women had sex problems, mostly loss of desire and arousal, though this high rate has been attrbuted to vague questions. An ICM REserach poll of 1027 people conversely found only 19% who said their sex drive was low.

There are medical reasons for losing interest in sex - the pill, depressions, anything that makes sex painful, rare conditions that lower testosterone (which women have in small amounts) the menopause and stress - but the answer usually lies in the challenges of life. Among women's jobs of mother, worker, friend and daughter, lover (wrongly) comes last.

Desire and arousal have comlex biological pathways that start in the brain, so a pill to increase blood flow to the genitals may not be enough. Viagra has shown inconclusive results in women (there have been trials of 300 women) as have testosterone patches.

There is no quick fix. you have to make time for sex, avoid the mundane (ie in bed with the lights out) and use music as a diversion. You need to masturbate more, too - use vibrators, massage, oral stimulation - and to fantasise. above all you need to talk to your partner. Not only about sex, what what you do and don't like, bt also about how close you are. It s a myth that sex is a natural activity that anyone can do, after the first flush of youth, its a game of skill. If you don't want a sexless realtionship, you both need to practise." Dr. Luisa Dillner.

Another point is that before I became pregnant this time my nurse practitioner had been about to refer me to a sex therapist but I was having to wait because I was breastfeeding. He will never see breastfeeding mothers because he doesn't feel that any bfing mother should be made ot feel that sex must be a part of their life if they do not wish it so. I think that speaks volumes!







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27

Monday, June 25th 2007, 12:02am

Wow Rivka, thats amazing. Very interesting x






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