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  • "Glitzy" started this thread

Posts: 3,006

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: Scotland

Children: Max born March 07 - thanks to frozen embryo transfer, our little miracle

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1

Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 12:05pm

How do I deal with this one?

My poor mum is desperate to give me a wee break and have Max over night. I would love it too but unfortunately she is just not well enough. She is hooked up to a dialysis machine every night as she has kidney failure and often gets nights where she is very sick or is in a lot of pain. I have been completely honest with her and said that having Max would be too much at the moment overnight and told her to think it through and what would happen if Max had a bad night and she was hooked up to the dialysis machine. I am thinking of both of them and I know him spending the night with her is just not fair on her - at the moment.

She seems to have understood so far and she has had him during the day but the poor soul was exhausted after it - she is only 52 but is waiting for a transplant and until that happens I cant see her being well enough to have him stay over. Its starting to really upset her and she worries I dont trust her. I totally do but I have to think of what would happen if it got too much for her. How do I make her see what I am saying? She is getting so upset aout it and feels she is not supporting me enough but she is. SWhe keeps saying "oh he would be fine I can come off the machine" but I really dont think she has thought it through. What would you guys do? I dont want her to be upset but cant explain it to her any more simply and she just has it in her head that I dont think she can cope and thats not what I want as its not true - I am just concerned for her.

Any ideas?


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2

Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 12:12pm

:hugs:

could you maybe show her this thread - it make help her to realise that you do trust her but you just dont want to put her (or max) in a stressful situation while she isnt well

i hope she gets a transplant soon glitzy xxx
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Missy

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Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 12:20pm

I don't really know the answer to this one hun, it must be an awful situation to be in hun, but I think you are doing the right thing by not adding pressure by having M stay there over night. Do you spend alot of time with your mum hun? If she is having M in the day then she is obviously helping as much as she can, so as far as I can see she shouldn't be feeling guilty :(








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Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 1:26pm

Hiya Glitzy
My mum would be the same I know. She babysits for her friends grandchildren all the time as she has none of her own! Which has made me think, does your mum have a friend who could stay over with her for the night to help ? You could help them to have a girly night with a pizza and a dvd and I'm sure they'd love it. Would that work?




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  • "victoria82" is no longer a member of FZ

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Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 1:53pm

so sweet of your mum, i guess you can only keep telling her that at the moment you dont think it will the best thing to do

what about you going to stay with your mum overnight and let her look after Max by herself and if it does get a bit too much you will only be in the next room to help? i dont know if that will make any sence :(

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Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 1:59pm

hmmmm.... I think your mum is being irrational and knows it as well. but she's also very scared of being mortal. the rational part of her knows what you are saying makes sense but the irrational part is feeling rejected entirely

how about... you let her babysit during the day? tell her you would love to go and get a long haricut or a massage or something & let her look after him then? that way you are only a phonecall away if she needs you, and at the same time she will feel like she is helping you.

  • "Glitzy" started this thread

Posts: 3,006

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: Scotland

Children: Max born March 07 - thanks to frozen embryo transfer, our little miracle

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7

Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 5:19pm

Thanks everyone. The friend idea is good but she is very stubborn and would insist her and my dad can manage alone but my poor dad is 74 with Parkinsons Disease so between the 2 of them they have enough on their plates without me adding the milk monster to the equasion.

I have had a chat to dh about it and I think what Victoria suggested is a good idea - we could stay a night there and go out to the pics once we have put Max down for the night and then so be away a few hours he should sleep anyway but atleast she will feel like she is helping. I feel awful for her as she adores him and is desperate to have him stay over - she even bought a cot and decorated a bedroom for him which makes me feel even worse. I think she is frustrated by her limitations now and she tries to plod on as if she has the same stamina as she did before becoming sick. I just wish she understood that seeing how much she loves Max is enough for me and the rest can come when she is well. I hate that she feels she is letting me down.

Thanks for the advice girls xx


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  • "victoria82" is no longer a member of FZ

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Wednesday, June 20th 2007, 5:58pm

with this she will feel she is been helpful to you which will make her happy. give it a go hun ;)

  • "Glitzy" started this thread

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Reg: Oct 4th 2005

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9

Wednesday, June 27th 2007, 5:58pm

Its getting worse!! Mum visited yesterday and asked if she could have him at the weekend. I said dh and i needed to go shopping so we would leave him at hers on sat during the day if she didnt mind (we dont but thought it ouwld keep her happy and m could spend some time with his granny). Anyway mum just rang me and basically said "no arguments I am having Max saturday night" I went through yet again all the reasons why its not practical and she just ignored pretty much everything I said and insists she is having him saturday.

Even if she was well I dont feel ready for him to be away overnight yet - I just dont. Also as much as I adore her she has a complete lack of respect for how I want him brought up - her answer to everything appears to be to feed him more - I know for a fact she will try to give him solids if she gets him on his own as she feels babies should be on solids from 3 months as they were in "her" day. I just feel so much pressure from her to let him stay there and I really really dont want to be away from my baby for so long. I feel awful speaking about my lovely mum like that but im only being honest. I have tried everything I can to make her understand but it goes in one ear and out the other. Am I being a over protective mother??


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10

Wednesday, June 27th 2007, 7:45pm

Oh Hun, you will have to tell her no and explain again. I still won't let L sleep out and she is 17 months I don't feel right. I know how you feel.

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11

Wednesday, June 27th 2007, 10:00pm

Tell her, you and Max come as a pair, go over Sat night, stick your feet up and let your mum do as much as she is able. You will be there just in case. To spare her feelings could you pretend dh has some outing so you would be all on your own otherwise and would miss Max anyway?

Just a couple of ideas. Mums can be a pain, they think they are always right (at least I do!) rotf


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  • "Glitzy" started this thread

Posts: 3,006

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: Scotland

Children: Max born March 07 - thanks to frozen embryo transfer, our little miracle

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12

Thursday, June 28th 2007, 7:16am

Aww she is a sweetheart honestly I just dont want her making herself more ill by taking on too much. She keeps saying I have not to say as she wants us to go out and have fun - god love her eh! Im going to go see her today and have a long chat bout it. Thanks for the advice Binky & Spider xxxxxxxxxx


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Thursday, June 28th 2007, 9:20am

i didnt let spud stay anywhere without me for the first 6-8 months at least....i just wasnt ready.

could you tell your mom that you dont feel ready??? :(



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  • "victoria82" is no longer a member of FZ

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14

Friday, June 29th 2007, 10:43pm

what have you decide on G? i hope your mum is allright with whatever you and dh decide

  • "Glitzy" started this thread

Posts: 3,006

Reg: Oct 4th 2005

Location: Scotland

Children: Max born March 07 - thanks to frozen embryo transfer, our little miracle

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15

Saturday, June 30th 2007, 8:13pm

Hiya

I have just been very honest and said that I am not ready for M to be away overnight and that as he is just finding a good routine I do not want to disturb it. He also has an ear infection at the minute so it was out the question anyway. We took him down today and dh and I went and seen a film and left him with my folks for a few hours so they could have some alone time with him. I get the vibe she is not happy but the wee man comes first - I will let him out overnight soon - perhaps when he is 22 or something!! xxxxxxxxxxxx


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  • "victoria82" is no longer a member of FZ

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16

Saturday, June 30th 2007, 8:32pm

:laugh:

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17

Saturday, June 30th 2007, 9:51pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Glitzy
I will let him out overnight soon - perhaps when he is 22 or something!! xxxxxxxxxxxx



Thats a bit young. When I find a company that install window bars, I'll give you the number! DD is having hers fitted at the onset of puberty and they are not being removed until she is 25!








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