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Chilli

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Saturday, August 18th 2007, 9:23pm

Night from hell!

Dh and I went out last; me a hen party him the stag do, my sister had Mabel over night (well half the night :( )

She stays at my sisters everyweek for the day and sleeps there fine, yet last night she settled till about midnight and then screamed till 4am when my sister gave in and called me, when I got her home she would not rest and continued to scream and throw herself around till 5.30am I have never ever seen her so upset then she eventually slept for 1 1/2 hours!! 8o we all managed to have 2 hours this afternoon then felt like rubbish all day :(

She has only ever stayed over night at my MIL once and she did the same there- not sure what to do now, it was horrible seeing her so upset and I could not console her what so ever, she would only sleep next to me in the spare room aswell which she never does, I have tried before when she has been ill and I have wanted to be near her in case she is sick but she always sleeps better in her own cot.

Any tips?? ?(

mrsjasper

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Saturday, August 18th 2007, 9:32pm

No tips, but a very large hug. :hugs:

Is it just a change of surroundings that unsettled her? Maybe she woke in the night and didn't know where she was. Dunno. Sorry.





Bells

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Saturday, August 18th 2007, 9:32pm

Awww chuck, she's just at that age where she really knows what's going on isn't she? She probably didn't know what to expect, she didn't know why it was dark when she woke up (has she ever woken in the dark at your sister's house before?) or where her Mum was ... so she got herself worked up. It's normal to expect her to react to a big and sudden change like staying overnight.

I would solve it by sending her there more often, probably not the most popular route but it's important that you and hubby have a life and it's important that she can feel comfortable outside her own bed and bedroom. In fact, I would imagine that when the darker nights come, she will get more used to sleeping at your sisters house in the dark and that may be a breakthrough.

I know she had a disturbed night but that's mroe likely to be her waking up and checking that you were still there.... I know you've heard it before but it's just a phase....





Chilli

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Saturday, August 18th 2007, 9:49pm

I think she was in a temper with me when we got home, I used to get home sick as a child and would always ring my mum to come and get me up till the age of 11! And when Mabel has stayed away I get that same homesick feeling i used to get as a child, not sure if she is pickng up on it ?( I hate leaving her i feel physically sick to my stomach but I want her to want to stay at her aunties and look forward to it, not be like me and miss out on things, my poor mum 8o

My mum said keep doing it, but I think we have run out of offers 8o I have no idea why who needs sleep anyway?! ;)

Bells

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Saturday, August 18th 2007, 9:58pm

It's normal to be a little homesick so don't decide that she's in either one of two catergories, absolutely happy or desperately homesick. It may just be that she needs chance to adapt.

I was just like you as a child, even now I go on holiday for a week and need to come home :rolleyes: It doesn't seem to have rubbed off on my two though as I've encouraged them to spend time away from me and sometimes had no choice in the matter. It does come with time, they do learn to adapt and as Mabel grows she'll understand more and more that a night away doesn't mean that Mum is never returning.





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Saturday, August 18th 2007, 10:07pm

I agree with bells i say keep trying, maybe if you went round to your sisters and slept there too a few times first it might help mabel to get used to the idea?? xx
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Chilli

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Saturday, August 18th 2007, 10:16pm

Well I did stay with her for a week when her DP was away, she hates staying on her own as we were burgled when we were kids and she woke up while they were still in the house! And Mabel was fine, infact she is brillant whenever we have been away- as you know my parents live in Spain so she has stayed there a few times and always sleeps in different room from me and sleeps through.

But that homesick feeling is awful i forgot how bad it was, my mum blames herself as she wouldn't let anybody look after me till i was about 5 and then it was too late, so i do try to leave Mabel with other people when i need to, she is ok during the day kisses and waves me goodbye no problem, gets excited when i pick her up but is never upset with me, just runs to me and cuddles me then goes off to play again.

I think I will try again and see if she is any better if my sister can handle it! thank you xx

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Saturday, August 18th 2007, 11:00pm

Yes, I agree, try again. Sorry she interrupted your night out!

Hope you sleep better tonight! 8)
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Sunday, August 19th 2007, 1:25pm

keep trying, she need to get used to them hun, dont feel sad about it. and you also need to think about when you go to the hospital to have your second baby, she will need to say with one of your family, so it is best for her to get use to it now.

Bells

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Sunday, August 19th 2007, 1:37pm

I've been thinking about this a lot Chilli. You said that you were homesick as a child and I was too. It was quite stifling as I never did feel comfortable being away from home, away from my Mum.

My Mum was great. She stayed at home doing things with me, she didn't send me to nursery and never went out at night so was always there for me at bedtime. I honestly wish that she had just put some distance between us as it affected me right through my early years and my early teenage years because at some point your peer groups demand that you become independant but for me it was such a wrench.

I know that this thread is not about me, it's about M... but I wish my Mum had been more like you when I was acting like M....just eased things along for me.... know what I mean?





Missy

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Sunday, August 19th 2007, 1:57pm

I agree - keep trying!

We have run out of offers too, DP's mum moved to Spain, his one sister a workaholic, his brother I wouldn't contemplate anyway, my p's are either ill or away, and have said that L can't stop on a school night. The only place L goes is to SIL's, who we got off to a rocky start with, but I do have to say she is fantastic with L and L loves going there - now ;)

We went through exactly the same as you, L had gone there loads of times before and been fine. One night we were out and around 10pm the phone rang, it was SIL saying she was crying, at least above the hysterics going on in the back ground thats what I thought she was saying! I went through all of the usual, said I would give it an hour and ring back. Of course an hour later we fetched her as she was in such a state. When we got home I tried her with a bottle, changed her bum etc and she was still screaming. After another hour she was red in the face and throwin herself around but we still had no idea what was going on ?( In the end I put her in her cot, and do you know what? 10 mins later she was asleep :rolleyes:

She went to SIL's again 2 weeks later and I was waiting for the phone to ring all bloomin nght.. it never did! ;)

Bells is right, children need to be around other people as much as they are with mum, they need to know that they can depend on other people when you aren't around :)

xxx








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Chilli

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Sunday, August 19th 2007, 3:26pm

Bells it was my mums fault I totally blame her as she does herself, I was always closer to her than anybody and as a teenager I would have to know where she was at all times :rolleyes: she had one of those car phones (how 80's is that!) and I was constantly ringing it. When they moved to Spain my mum was so worried as she knew I would be in bits about it, it done me a favor as i don't rely on her so much now.

I noticed today at the soft toy play area we go to that Mabel always had one eye on me and if I made eye contact she would put her arms up so I could get her out, so I have decided to take her to nursery one day a week, she is with other children all the tme but with me also I think a little bit of independence would be really good for her.

Missy that's really interesting that Lolly was ok the next time I will def try again I am not giving in, I want her to have pj parties and spend weekends at her friends houses- I know it may sound far fetched but I really did miss out I am determined she won't!

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Sunday, August 19th 2007, 5:07pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Chilli I want her to have pj parties and spend weekends at her friends houses- I know it may sound far fetched but I really did miss out I am determined she won't!


It doesn't sound far fetched to me. I went away when I was 8 for a week of 'camp' with the guides. I ended up having to be brought home early as I spent the entire time lying in bed crying. I had developed 23 mouth ulcers and had refused to eat or drink. I just felt so out of my depth yet the other kids were perfectly happy.

For the record I was a confident, outgoing, popular kid.... I just had problems with spending time away from home.

I feel that nurseries are great for confidence building. It really is a nice way to learn independence in a safe environment. Social skills and independence are underestimated so much in a world where the message always seems to be that a perfect Mother should spend 24 hours a day with her children.





Rivka

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Sunday, August 19th 2007, 6:00pm

sorry to hear you're having this problem. You already seem to have decided this but I'd say you are definitely right to persevere, for her sake and for yours. Best of luck with it all x










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