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Friday, August 17th 2007, 4:51pm

how do you get them to do things for themselves???

i am trying sooooooooo hard to get spud to do things for himself...he needs to at least be able to wipe his own bottom (and wash hands after) and dress/undress himself, and eat a meal in about 30 mins before he goes to school in september otherwise he is going to really struggle!!!

the eating thing is so frustrating, he could easily sit there at meal times and take nearly 1 and a 1/2 hrs to eat a small portion of food....

wiping his bottom is proving to be the hardest tho....he sits on the loo and screams and cries because i have told him he needs to try and do it himself...he gets really really angry and has in the past said he is moving out to find a mommy that loves him! 8o :(

i wouldnt push it so hard now but i know his friends at school have been doing these things for a while on their own, not alway successfully but he is really struggling with doing even the simple tasks on his own...and it isnt that he CANT do them, but rather that he thinks it is my job to do them iykwim???

any ideas how i can motivate him to do these things??? how have you handled it????

any help greatfully recieved :))

k xxx



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Friday, August 17th 2007, 7:05pm

My ds still takes ages to eat but seems to manage ok in school, he takes longer but the staff seem to be able to cope with this.

Wiping bottom - have you got wet wipes for the loo? I started by giving ds 1 of these for him to have a go and then I did it, then after a while I gave him 2 - one on each knee! and left him to it. He wasn't pleased to do this but did it cos there was no other option - although if we were about to go out I sometimes checked too as he didn't do such a great job to begin with! Now he is quite happy to organise himself! For the first year I always gave mil clean pants for him to change into after school when he took off his school clothes. ds loves to wash his hands but the bathroom often needs drying off after!


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Sunday, August 19th 2007, 8:23pm

Willow,

We are going through the same with Connor, he takes ages to eat and still sometimes gets it all over him!!

As for wiping bottom's, wet wipes are good, we are lucky Connor has mastered this and wipes everytime with toilet paper.

Dressing is a bit hit and miss, it all depends on what type of mood he's in, although he can never put his socks on, I dread them doing P.E.!!

I hope that seeing his friends doing things for themselves will encourage Connor to do more.

Good Luck!

Karenxx

ps of course he loves you, he just wants you to pamper him (like most men) maybe try a reward chart or promise him a special treat/toy if he dose it all the time!













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Sunday, August 19th 2007, 8:57pm

I really wouldn't worry about him being the only child in class who finds certain things difficult. You might find school reception classes are a lot more forgiving than you imagine.

I remember feeling the same way about certain things but over the first couple of school years I learnt that lots of children still cried for their Mums daily, still wet themselves, still struggled after using the loo, still wore nappies at night, still slept with dummies, couldn't manage dressing themselves and couldn't hold a pencil. The parents of these children rarely admitted this at the start of the year, it all comes out though when the parents bond in the playground and start telling truths.

When he's surrounded my his little friends at lunchtime and after a busy morning he might start improving his eating speed. He'll soon learn that if he doesn't eat he'll be hungry. Don't worry, he won't starve in the afternoon if he doesn't eat him lunch and no matter how much he puts away at lunchtime, reception children are always ravenous at hometime so go prepared with a sandwich and some fruit at hometime.

Keep up the efforts to encourage him.... does he go to playgroup or nursery?





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Monday, August 20th 2007, 10:58am

thanks ladies! :hugs:

we do use wet wipes already, the kanddo ones and kandoo handwash, and a thomas towel to encourage himt o wipe and wash his hands but i think he is being a really stubburn little man. he thinks if i dont do it that i am being nasty to him when in reality i am trying to prep him for school... :rolleyes:

bells, he has been going to the nursery at the same school as he is going to in september...the teachers in nursery were lovely and much like the ones in his old play group, helped them with lots with things (dressing/toileting etc..) but i went to a meeting about reception and they are very serious about everything...their words were 'in the next 6 weeks we want parents to ensure their children are as independant as possible for when they come into reception' ..... we are stuggling but im sure he will get there, like you said kaz, i think he wants to be pampered :rolleyes:

i might make up a sticker chart mmmmmm good plan i think, he loves stickers :D

thanks again ladies!!!:hugs:

love k xxx



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Monday, October 29th 2007, 2:22pm

Hi K

How did all the preparing go for school? Has Spud decided to be more independent now that he's a big schoolboy? Hope the transition has gone well and he's learning the new skills he needs for himself. It would help your life in the coming weeks too!

I know it's still 3 months till DS1 turns four years old, but I was going to post in here anyway as I wanted tips for how to encourage a child to do some of these things. We even have trouble with DS1 making any attempt to hang his coat up on the hook (yes, it has a hood, yes the hook is low). He will scream if we ask him to do it. As for getting dressed, he won't entertain the idea one little bit. Wiping bottom? He's not even off the potty yet - he *will not* use the toilet (but will use the mini-toilets at nursery/preschool).

So, any tips on when to push on abandoning the potty? And if so, how? Should we leave bottom-wiping till after that hurdle?

Nighttime nappies - I'm not too fussed about because his bladder and bowel control are perfect by day. Irritated that he doesn't need them, but has no problem in weeing into them (will *never* poo into his nappy though). Still, any thoughts?

When do you start to teach manners? He's getting the idea about hand over mouth when coughing, but how about things like not talking when mouth full or (excuse the detail) passing wind only in private? You have to give little ones slack over these sorts of things, but what age is appropriate to get these more refined ideas across?

Dressing. Should I be making him at least *attempt* to do it?

Of all the other concerns posted so far, he's a fast eater (too fast - it all gets shovelled in at top speed). No worries there. And he's great at washing hands. We abandoned soap dispensers and just bought good old-fashioned bars of soap that go really bubbly. He comes out of the bathroom sometimes just to show how bubbly his hands are. :D

So, everyone with 4+ year olds, I'd really appreciate your ideas/thoughts/tips. Thanks.
Had a total of three fresh IVF cycles and three frozen transfers (embryos and blastocysts)
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Monday, October 29th 2007, 3:51pm

hiya limpet!

spud has gotten the hang of most of these now tbh, i am so happy about it now, he didnt learn to eat more quickly until he actually started school and found that if he took an hour to eat his dinner then he wouldnt get to play with his friends, so he sussed that out for himself, hand washing is still a problem, i have picked him up at 3 oclock today and his nails and fingers are grimy! he said he had been digging in dirt like a dog :rolleyes: i said , erm ok..... no problem with that babe but you must wash your hands afterwards cos they are covered in germs. - it will sink in one day.

is your ds starting full time school in january then???
there are still moms that have children in pullups/dry nights in spuds class at scholl so i dont think that is a problem, there are even instances of a child weeing or pooing their pants, the teachers are ok and will help them as much as poss, but they did tell us to start to encourage the kids to be as indipendant as poss by the time they started full time otherwise it would be a drastic shock for them, as the teachers WILL NOT wipe bottoms/noses or tell the children to wash their hands when they are dirty except for at lunch time (spud finding that one hard) i found that spud saved his poos till he got home for the first couple of weeks but now he is very proud to announce to us when he has had to wipe his bottom at school as they only have toilet paper and not wet wipes like we use at home so he thinks you have to be extra clever to do that :D

manners with spud come and go, he iwll often forget even the basics (like please and thank you) but i have always thought it is better to ask them to say please and thank you i ususally ask him ...'whats the magic word?', i havent tried to stop spud breaking wind infront of people cos he is way too forgetful but every time he does it i ask him ' now what do you say?' ....he answers 'pardon me' or 'excuse me' he ALWAYS forgets to cover his mouth when he coughs, and he always speaks with his mouth full of food too which i dont like, and i tell him, but i am sure it will all sink in in time.

i have found his manners have gotten better since starting full time school too, he now asks me if he 'may use the toilet' :D



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Monday, October 29th 2007, 5:03pm

DS1 is great at please and thank you, rubbish at "sorry" and "excuse me". And oh yes, I'd forgotten the nose-blowing thing. There's another one to work at. He's fantastic at blowing really hard, but *will not* hold the tissue himself. If I refuse, he just wipes his nose (on sleeve or maybe a tissue), but wipes so ineffectively that the whole of his upper lip is bright red and sore.

No, he's not at school till next September, but since he still uses the potty, I figure there are so many things to work on that we'd better get started now! Even one a month, we'd still not be ready for school! He looks "up" to his younger brother (18 months) so much and figures that DS2 gets a better deal, so wants to be as un-independent as possible. :rolleyes:
Had a total of three fresh IVF cycles and three frozen transfers (embryos and blastocysts)
m/c @ 11 weeks in 2007 DS1 and DS2 born from fresh IVF cycles :D
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Monday, October 29th 2007, 5:20pm

lmao i think its a man thing you know L cos spud looks absolutly gutted when he is told to wipe his own bottom, he tries it on every time, he does the 'mommmmmyyyyyyy!!! im finiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiished!' at the top of his voice then if you say 'do it yourself mate' he goes HUMPH!.....well, ill just stay here then! or ill get a sore bottom and it will be all your fault! :D :)) crafty little blighters

i have found that the only thing that works is repeatition, over and over and over again, if you give in once then they will think they can do it again....i cant wait till he just goes to the loo and wipes his own bottom without even thinking to ask me, i dont know if that will ever happen tho lol!

keep us posted on his progress hun, and ill let you know if i have any too!

love k xx



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Monday, October 29th 2007, 9:58pm

...but most of these things, if I don't give in and say "do it yourself", he'll just do it his way, which means not wiping his bottom at all, wiping his nose on his sleeve, leaving his coat on the floor, using the potty not the loo, etc. The only thing he'd have to do is dress himself because I'm not taking a naked child out of the house! It's just that we don't have time most mornings before preschool for him to have a major sulk so I don't push him to do it.

Paints an awful picture of him, doesn't it! He's brilliant at lots else, so don't think I have a useless child, please, as I don't!! :D

Errr yes, you will not be wiping his bottom age 16!! Imagine that! He will have that independence sometime soon, even if it's not tomorrow.
Had a total of three fresh IVF cycles and three frozen transfers (embryos and blastocysts)
m/c @ 11 weeks in 2007 DS1 and DS2 born from fresh IVF cycles :D
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Tuesday, October 30th 2007, 12:32pm

know where you are coming from limpet, it is a rush first thing in the morning aspecially with you having ds2 aswell........start slowly, give lots of praise and make it into a sort of game, if he brushes his own teeth or wee's in the toilet first thing in the morning then give him a sticker to put on a chart, if he gets 10 stickers he can have a magasine (or something else he likes) that works for spud, he gets smiley face stickers for good work at school, if he gets 10 he gets a reward, thats usually once a week so not too bad :)

spud will dress himself but i do end up doing it for him most mornings because of the time factor, as long as he can take a jumper off and put it on again and put his own shoes on by the time he goes to reception he wont have a problem as they dont have to fully undress for P.E till they go into yr1 (6 yrs old)

i think boys just think we should do it for them, 'why have a dog and bark yourself' :rolleyes:



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Tuesday, October 30th 2007, 2:18pm

ooooh. I should be helping dd too then! she starts next sept. she's pretty good though she can wipe her own bum but prefers us to do it. she insists on having a potty by the bed for night time so she doesn't have to get up and go to the bathroom! but uses the toilet/ washes her hands etc herself. pre school has helped a lot with her eating- watching others do it- and she has a few manners- eg please and thankyou and sorry etc.
Ability wise she's pretty good- rote counting to twenty, 1:1 correspondence to 12, sings all the nursery rhymes and uses long descriptive sentences, She wrote her name on the blackboard with some verbal prompting last night i was gob smacked (helps her name involves some "lines and circles"!)

My biggest worry is her attention span, inability to stop talking, inability to sit still, volume, tantrums. she will be the youngest and i worry for her. we watch her at ballet and she is the one spinning around on her bum, jumping up and down shen everyone else is listening, then ignoring what she is told (she is desperate to be there though!) it looks like i feed her on a diet of sugar and e numbers! :sadface:
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Tuesday, October 30th 2007, 3:34pm

vege hun spud was exactly like that! :D but there are proper teachers and they have quite a structured day, set routines and spud started to sit still and pay attention alot better after only a couple of weeks, she will be absolutly fine!
if you are anything like me you would rather your LO be the one who is inquisitive and happy/ bubbly than just sit in a corner and not say anything. it is a huge learning curve for them, alot changes in these few months from nursery to reception, i was petrified spud wouldnt cope but he has picked up lots really.

very proud of him :))



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Tuesday, October 30th 2007, 6:35pm

aw brill, glad he is doing well xx
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