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troubled

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Reg: Apr 7th 2008

Location: not a happy place

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Monday, April 7th 2008, 10:46am

Dad wants to hand in his notice

I don’t get any help with the twins in the week and look forward to the weekends when I can share the load. Dh doesn’t enjoy the mundane baby care and resents it as taking up time he could spend doing more enjoyable things (stuff that doesn’t involve us). We’re reaching crisis point and it would be good to chat to anyone else who had problems adjusting to life with twins (or one baby for that matter). I think it will be better in the summer when we’re out and about a bit more but at the moment he just feels he’s not cut out to be a dad and it would be good to hear from anyone who had dealt with anything similar. If you can help / sympathise please PM me for a private chat. Many thanks xxx

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Monday, April 7th 2008, 11:00am

I just want to say that I am sorry to read your post, I hope you manage to work things out x x x



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Reg: Jul 21st 2006

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Monday, April 7th 2008, 3:31pm

oh hun, i am so sorry your dh feels this way

I cant imagine how hard it must be bringing up twins, somedays I think its difficult bringing up just 1 baby, so credit to you for doing such a FAB job

i am sure when the better weather comes your dh will feel much better, and you can all go out as a family

I'm sorry i cant help much, just wanted to give you and your twins a huge :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
ME 32, pcos, DH 47,
DH had Tese tx Jan 06
IVF/ ICSI July 06 ,
30 eggs collected, 2 transfered,
Had OHSS and OMG, :BFP:


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Reg: Jul 19th 2007

Location: cumbria

Children: 1 lovely Step Son aged 17

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Monday, April 7th 2008, 3:34pm

Oh Hun I am so sorry that your DH is feeling negative at the moment, I hope everything works out, twins must be hard work so if your doing it all yourself it must be very difficult but I am sure you will be doing a fantastic job xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

ME 32
DH 38
TTC 4.5yrs
Lap & Dye 07 very mild endo
6 clomid cycle's 100mg all :BFN:

Bells

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Monday, April 7th 2008, 3:43pm

RE: Dad wants to hand in his notice

Quoted

Originally posted by troubled
I don’t get any help with the twins in the week and look forward to the weekends when I can share the load. Dh doesn’t enjoy the mundane baby care and resents it as taking up time he could spend doing more enjoyable things (stuff that doesn’t involve us). We’re reaching crisis point and it would be good to chat to anyone else who had problems adjusting to life with twins (or one baby for that matter). I think it will be better in the summer when we’re out and about a bit more but at the moment he just feels he’s not cut out to be a dad and it would be good to hear from anyone who had dealt with anything similar. If you can help / sympathise please PM me for a private chat. Many thanks xxx


Hi troubled,

It sounds like you're doing an awful lot at home with the babies and just need some time to yourself to re-discover who you are again. Having babies can be a lonely job and often it can feel like you don't see another adult day in and day out, it's easy to lose your identity if you don't have things of your own outside the home to interest you.

How would you feel about maybe doing a course in the evenings of perhaps getting a part time job just to get you out and give you something to think of other than your babies AND it would mean that your DH would 'have' to look after the babies. He might just feel that it's your job and he isn't really needed.





troubled

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Reg: Apr 7th 2008

Location: not a happy place

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Monday, April 7th 2008, 7:14pm

Thanks so much for your support, I spoke to him today and he said the main problem is that he's shattered - but, this has come up a few times now and I'm not sure brushing it under the carpet will help, and I'm not happy to have the 'I don't want to be a dad' line thrown at me every time he gets frustrated. It's been a pretty tough 10 days as they've both been poorly with colds & teething so I've not seen friends or been to the groups I normally go to and being hauled up with 2 grisslers day in day out has taken its toll on me! Unfortunately DH doesn't get home from work till 8pm (he leaves at 7 in the morning too) so doing evening courses or work isn't really an option. It's a bit drastic/expensive but I might think about putting them in nursery 1 day a week to free up some time for other things which may mean I'm less desperate for help at the weekends. They're still a bit too young for me to do that though, I've also contacted homestart today as they may be able to provide support too.

Half of me wants to kowtow to (not so D) DH and do whatever it takes to make him happy & the other half wants to give him a kick up the backside & tell him to stop being such a prat. I'm not sure either are right :rolleyes: . Will battle on and hope things work out. Thanks again xxx

kski

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Reg: Mar 26th 2006

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Wednesday, April 9th 2008, 9:30am

Half of me wants to kowtow to (not so D) DH and do whatever it takes to make him happy & the other half wants to give him a kick up the backside & tell him to stop being such a prat. I'm not sure either are right . Will battle on and hope things work out. Thanks again xxx


I think you should do all of the above - Men like ladies to have a sense of mystery and unpredictability .........

Have you booked a holiday yet this year - get him to put some time in the diary - and take a couple of long weekends !

Then go to a spa or take him Shopping - We hate that !
DAD to twins

Rufus

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Children: One son, aged 8, daughter 1

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Wednesday, April 9th 2008, 10:50am

Oh hon, sorry you've felt so alone. Home start are great adn can provide much needed support. Hope they come to you soon.

My dh wasn't that great at helping unitl joel was about 6 months. He had no experience of babies adn just didn't know what to do. Then when j was older he felt less afraid of him crying etc so tried more and now they have a great relationship. Things are a lot more even. Also my dh is excellent with all our neices and nephews now since he has the experience.

One night when Joel was 2 months old I was out for MY leaving do. My dh phoned me about 6 times and in the end I came home at 9 o'clock. i am telling you - if he did that now he'd get a dunt to the backside! Just telling you this to let you know you're no the only one and he will hopefully come round - he is prob in shock! Lol xxxxxxx
Keep smiling :happy:

  • "1xbaby pls" is no longer a member of FZ

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Reg: Apr 4th 2006

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Wednesday, April 9th 2008, 11:08am

Hi T sorry your havibg a time of it at present
I have twin boys and split with there dad when they were 4mths he is very involved with boys....aslong as he has nothing else to do ie golf footie etc

But whilst we were together he always did breakfast feed & change on his own before work it meant i could catch a few z's Plus he would be on duty on the sat nt so i could nip to a mates get an early nt just a break really. He prefurs going out on Fri so it works well.
Things did get easier 4 me when boys went to nursery one day a week it ment I could shop clean and sort myself out and that would take pressure off for the rest of the week
In the start i used to put boys to bed and leave him babysit whilst I went to asda and then just streached out the time gone bit by bit.

How old are your babies???

If I can help feel free to pm :D :D
1st go ICSI - @ royal shewsbury and Telford NHS funded
25 eggs collected 27/3/06
15 fertilized - 8 grade A - 2 transfered 30th/3
test date - Thursday 13th April, BFP :D :D :D
:baby: ITS TWINS :baby:
M.L & J.F - Born 9/11/06 6w prem (6lb 5oz & 4lb 10oz)

Lexie

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Thursday, April 10th 2008, 3:58pm

I know how you feel. My twins are only 3 weeks old and me and dh have hardly spoke 2 words the past week and even then its only to shout at each other. I've found it quite hard being home with the twins 24/7 as I was advised not to take them out till they are full term as they were 7 weeks early and I feel cooped up stuck in this house (a bit like Jack Nicholson off the Shining lol. I dont get time to do nothing for myself and I feel that I dont get a lot of support off dh.

Basically this should be a happy time for us and all we do is argue. I do hope things get better for you. Think I will feel better when I can get out and about with pram.
Me 34,DH, 32. DD15 from prev relationship. Scan 9/07 showed 2 [zx076] [zx076] My perfect little ladies arrived healthy 7 weeks early on 18/3/08 weighing 4lb 8 and 3lb13...Love my three pinkies

:girl: :girl: :girl:


troubled

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Reg: Apr 7th 2008

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Thursday, April 10th 2008, 4:45pm

Thanks again guys, as unpleasant as it is for everyone there is some solace in knowing what we're going through isn't so unusual ;( We've been ok this week, what next week brings who knows! i've a meeting with homestart in a couple of weeks so hopefully there may be some help there. Sorry youre having a hard time Lexie, I found it quite tough in the early days, we've been through so much to get our babies, and they are so wanted, we feel we should be walking on air the whole time and I at least found the fact that I wasn't really distressing. When I talked to my GP about feeling a bit low at my 6 week check up he reminded me that social isolation and sleep deprivation are popular forms of torture & we really shouldn't put too much pressure on ourselves. It's difficult to communicate well with each other when you're both so stressed & knackered too which I know is partly our problem too..

xxx

Rufus

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Reg: Oct 3rd 2005

Location: N Ireland

Children: One son, aged 8, daughter 1

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Thursday, April 10th 2008, 7:42pm

Glad things getting better, you will come out the other side xxxxxx
Keep smiling :happy:

  • "1xbaby pls" is no longer a member of FZ

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Reg: Apr 4th 2006

Location: Wales

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Thursday, April 10th 2008, 10:04pm

Looking after twins is Darn Hard I had to plan everthing no calling in on a friend unanouced I mean you need a truck to get about with in the start. I was very home bound as I live in the middle of no where.
The last 18mths have passed me in a blur, just keep reminding yourself in few years they wont let you near bathing them and they cerainly wont want to be bottle fed or have there bums changed, they will walk no pram.
It will get easier i just takes time.
I had a routine that never changed, everyone new the plan so family & friends could pop in and feed one or stay away at nap time.
:D :D :D
1st go ICSI - @ royal shewsbury and Telford NHS funded
25 eggs collected 27/3/06
15 fertilized - 8 grade A - 2 transfered 30th/3
test date - Thursday 13th April, BFP :D :D :D
:baby: ITS TWINS :baby:
M.L & J.F - Born 9/11/06 6w prem (6lb 5oz & 4lb 10oz)

  • "1xbaby pls" is no longer a member of FZ

Posts: 2,647

Reg: Apr 4th 2006

Location: Wales

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Saturday, April 19th 2008, 7:36pm

How you getting on T????
1st go ICSI - @ royal shewsbury and Telford NHS funded
25 eggs collected 27/3/06
15 fertilized - 8 grade A - 2 transfered 30th/3
test date - Thursday 13th April, BFP :D :D :D
:baby: ITS TWINS :baby:
M.L & J.F - Born 9/11/06 6w prem (6lb 5oz & 4lb 10oz)




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