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Missy

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Monday, February 27th 2006, 4:03pm

I don't need this!!!

As mentioned on another thread, I am having a mare with my mother at the moment!

After months of promising she would leave me to my own devices on bringing Lauren up, its only taken her a month to stick her oar in.

I love my mum to pieces, she is by far one of the most kind genourous people I know, and I am lucky to have her, but sometimes we don't see eye to eye.. it seems bringing up children is another thing we are clashing over.

She is refusing to talk to me now, we usually speak daily but I hadn't heard from her since Sat night when I left the party early due to the amount of noise. I wasn't rude when I left, but alot of my family seemed put out that I wanted to go, despite the fact that Lauren was screaming.

My mum only rang me earlier to say that I'd had some post at her house, but was really off with me, and didn't stay on the phone and chat as usual.

I don't want it to be like this, but I'm not backing down on this one. I don't have to justify to anyone how I'm raising my child as long as she is happy and healthy.

Its really stressing me out now, I've been on a short fuse since saturday as we got emotionally blackmailed into going in the first place, having a guilt trip laid on us that we haven't taken Lauren anywhere to see anyone.. she is only 4 weeks old, and all my family live in Notts and don't bother with us anyway :(

Sorry for the rant, but I really needed to vent!!

xxx








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Monday, February 27th 2006, 4:17pm

oh mate

do you feel abit better now you've had a rant?

hope you get it sorted soon for your sanity
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Monday, February 27th 2006, 4:22pm

Oh Sam :(

Isn't it annoying when family want you to turn up somewhere so that they can all pass the nice baby around until it's screaming it's head off then they hand it back to you and expect you to be thrilled about it. What a great night out eh?

You see, you're supposed to be really chuffed when you've got an overtired, hungry, grizzly baby that's been passed from pillar to post and jiggled around until it's really really fed up. You're 'supposed' to be the dutiful daughter and delight in the drunk people breathing their booze and smoke breath all over your precious baby...... Furthermore, you're expected to stay until everyone's seen you, prodded your baby and made her cry.... that's the delight of family.... :rolleyes: sarcastic me? bitter? me? ...... Noooo :D

I understand how you feel Sam, I think that people forget what it's like to have a new baby and that you don't want to be going out at night, carting all your stuff and being held to ransom so that you don't feel that you can leave.... even MORE frustrating when you're trying to get into some sort of routine.

I got called 'grumpy' because my youngest went to bed at 6.30pm ...EVEN when the in-laws came around :rolleyes: ...gosh, what a miserable person I am :D. I'm glad that I stuck to my guns as now everyone knows where they stand and if they don't like it they can lump it.





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Monday, February 27th 2006, 4:45pm

Oh Samd I think parents forget what it's like to have a tiny baby, not all of course (in case I offend anyone!!)

My sister gets accused of being a misery when it comes to her baby, but as Bells says after all the cuddling and prodding you the mother has to deal with the consequences when you get home, if you have a good routine with her a disruption could mess that up and cause problems for days!!

I hope you can resolve it with your mum but do stick to your guns hun xx

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Monday, February 27th 2006, 4:47pm

hi samd really sorry you feeling like this. :(
and you are right, stick to your gun and your mum will have to understand it your baby and it up to you how you bring her up

maybe you should give each other space for few days. but dont leave too long.

victoria

Missy

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Monday, February 27th 2006, 4:48pm

Thanks again.. I feel like everytime I get myself happy again, some idiot comes along and bursts my bubble, sorry if i'm sounding like a miserable cow lately

Dps just come home and asked if he can go out, again.. god do I have doormat written on me or something?? X(








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Monday, February 27th 2006, 5:36pm

I promise that it will get better Sam. These first few weeks/months can leave you feeling very isolated and down in the dumps.

Ideally it would be nice to live in one of those American films.... you know the ones where Mum and Dad are beautiful people living in a MASSIVE white house with a huge garden and a swimming pool. They are both immaculately dressed and have perfect hair and teeth. Man comes home from work, kisses wife, tells her how beautiful she is and how much he loves and appreciates her ( :rolleyes: ) then he takes an hour or two to spend quality time with the children out in the back garden. Meanwhile her Mother would come around with a fresh baked pie, tell the Mum what a wonderful job she's doing, offers to babysit that weekend then LEAVES! In the evening, when the children are in bed, they drink out of crystal glasses, watch a roaring log fire and have romantic yet extremely passionate sex.

Reality..... you feel like a bag of crap, he buggers off out to watch football with his mates, the washing's piling up and 'bugger me', the baby's just been sick in your hair! :D

Hey ho Sam, chin up chuck. These things are sent to try us... ;)





Missy

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Monday, February 27th 2006, 5:38pm

Cheers Bells :D

Think I might emigrate to America then.... :D

xxx








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Monday, February 27th 2006, 8:41pm

Hi Sam
Really really feel for you - it's so hard isn't it with everyone telling you what to do. You're not at your best anyway to take any advice good or bad when you've a little baby to look after, so it's all you need!! Im sure your mum doesn't mean to upset you or even comment on how you're looking after your little un, but it's so damn frustrating isn't it. Everyone has an opinion when you have a baby and wants to tell you what to do but only YOU as a mum knows best. Don't care what anyone says. Everyone does it differently and yes it's great to get advice (given to you in a polite and helpful manner) and see how people do things as it could help you in the longrun. But at the end of the day she's your baby and you should bring her up as you want. If you don't want to drag her round the country then you stick to your guns and don't - as for all the cuddling and prodding, arghhhhhhhh! Why do people think they can do whatever they like with babies!!!! I soon got to the point of telling my Mother-in-law that I didn't want her to just cuddle the babies and rock them to sleep whenever they were around - this just WOUND me up and also caused me problems as that's what they want when I'm on my own!!! If they don't like it tough!! They'll come round to your way of thinking Im sure - they'll soon be missing Lauren!

Sure DH didn't think when he suggested going out - know where you're coming from though!!!

Big hug and hope you're feeling better soon hon....it'll get better I promise. My little uns didn't sleep well(well only one of them) until about 4 or 5 months!! Its def worth battling with the routine though as it's the best thing I ever did.

Lotsa love
Beth xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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Monday, February 27th 2006, 8:43pm

Big Hugs Sam, Hope you manage to sort things out, it is not an easy time for you - the first few weeks are so hard! You are not miserable just very tired no doubt!

xxx


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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 8:53am

Sam - you are not being miserable, if you are then I plan on winning the most miserable new mum of the year award in a few weeks time! There is no way I would have gone to the party in the first place so you did over and above your duty in my opinion. I've already had a taste of what's to come from in-laws - who are feeling left out apparently because I haven't been giving them a daily bulletin on my pregnancy symptoms!!! (silly me for thinking my body was a private affair!) wouldn't be surprised if they appeared at the foot end of the bed as I'm giving birth! Its just emotional blackmail and a bit pathetic TBH. Its really upsetting but don't let anyone spoil this precious time for you. I agree with the others, put your foot down now and set clear boundaries, they'll soon stop acting like spoilt children and come round.



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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 9:53am

Aw Sam hunny! massive hugs!

Stick to your guns hun! in a few years time when Laureen is an angel and going to bed when you want her to and not aking the slightest bit of fuss you can then point this out to your mum in a 'nice' way! pmsl :rolleyes: (rub it in her face!)

When I was round my mum's the other week I said 'oh look at the time I've been putting Alex to bed now' and she just said 7! really! well at least he's asleep now! lol

although we have changed that plan and it will now be enforced more when he's in his own room as both comps are in our bedroom and its a bit too 'noisy' for him in there yet!

Jessica x x

Missy

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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 10:59am

Cheers all!! letting off steam has been helping loads, and all your support is invaluable to me!! I don't have friends with babies, or friends that want babies, so trying to tell them would be like banging my head on a wall!!! :D

xxx








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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 11:11am

hi samd hunny,
i really sypathyse with you, my relationship with my mum`s the same! stick to your guns hun, dont let your mum pressure you into doin things that you dont want. my mum used to moan about the way i changed dds nappy?! i didnt do it the way she wanted me to?!? but she`s left handed and i`m right handed!
and tbh, your family should come to you to see baby, why should you take her out in the freezin cold when she`s so young?!
really hope you`re feelin better real soon hun. xx

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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 2:22pm

Hugs hugs hugs Sam.

There are so many posts in this thread that I want to quote, but at least that tells you that there are several of us out here rooting for you. Litbe was so right:

"Why do people think they can do whatever they like with babies!!!!"

They're people not objects and can only take so much handling. To pass a baby round for a cuddle is downright rude and disrespectful - you'd never do the equivalent to an adult. (Litbe I'm completely with you on the mother-in-law trying to cuddle and rock to sleep - no no no!!! If that's not what I want, then I don't want you to do it - I'm the one who has the most of the time and has to deal with the fallout of whatever anyone else fancies doing.)

Anyway, why don't they bother to come to you. You made the effort to travel (against your inner wishes, but out of respect to them) and all they can say is "why didn't you stay longer". I can feel my blood pressure rising on your behalf. Let them come round to yours at a time that suits you. Of course you're happy for them to meet Lauren, but ON YOUR TERMS. I believe in that passionately, and will do that again this time round. I'm sorry though that you and your mother are not getting on too well. In time (maybe a few days), maybe you need a really open chat saying it's not intended to be a personal thing, but here are the values that really matter to you and please could she respect them. I think I remember posting or pm'ing you before Lauren was born suggesting that you lay out some ground rules before she came along because then it can't be taken as personally because nothing's happened yet, but if you can keep emotion out of it, I hope she'll still listen. Build up what you do like about her and how she's helping so that she doesn't feel it's completely negative.

Sorry again - it's a tough and lonely time, but us cybermates can at least listen from afar.

Limpet
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Missy

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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 2:33pm

Limpet, I took your advice too, and as tactfully as i could told her that at no point do we want to dis-associate them with Lauren, but the way that she would be raised would be our choice, and if they didn't like it they should keep their critism to themselves!! It lasted a whole month- wow!!!!!

I know that people are right, I have to nip this in the bud as soon as I can, but its hard when she's not talking to me!! Also I really don't know how to raise the subject without opening a whole can of worms! She made some comment of how she's had 23 years experience of raising children (we won't get into how we really don't see eye to eye on that one from past arguements! Lets just say, that our parenting choices and ideas differ greatly!!), so I replied that she also had to start from scratch and learn as she went along, if she could do it, I can do it too!! She also told my Grandma to butt out when she was bringing me up, so I would have thought that she'd have been more respectful!!

xxx








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Missy

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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 2:34pm

Oh and Litbe and Limpet, if they're awake they want to rock them to sleep, and if they're asleep they want to wake them!! :D It is rather annoying!!!!

xxx








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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 5:30pm

Tell her you want to do it your own way and sure you will make mistakes but that is how you learn, and that this routine is working for you at the moment.

DH is putting Cass to bed right now - she goes up at 6.15 for her bottle and is down and asleep by 6.35pm.

The other two go to bed at 7pm prompt, after their milk and biscuit and yes, even on weekends. (DD was 5 at weekend and DS will be 4 in May).

Lots of our friends/parents etc. comment but I dont care. They need a bedtime, and in the not too distant future you will be the same as me - the smug one who can get a sitter and be at the restaurant for 7.30pm knowing her baby is fast asleep and wont wake until after you return. Try getting a sitter when your baby/child has no routine and stays up til 9pm - nightmare!!!

Stick to your guns, YOU know what is right for YOUR baby. 15 years ago my niece had bumpers in her cot, baby rice in her bottle, blah blah. It didnt do her any harm BUT you go with the guidelines in place at the time you have YOUR baby and I told my sis that too! They soon realise you will get it sorted in your own way and in your own time.

xxxx
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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 5:45pm

Quoted

Originally posted by PrincessPippyThey need a bedtime, and in the not too distant future you will be the same as me - the smug one who can get a sitter and be at the restaurant for 7.30pm knowing her baby is fast asleep and wont wake until after you return.



Absolutely [zx179]

........and in a few months when you can put Lolly in bed, go down stairs and have your dinner and a glass of wine in peace ... your Mum will be saying "oh you've got it so easy!" :D You'll REALLY have to bite your tongue then ;) :D





Missy

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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 7:17pm

:D I hope so!!! Its come to the point now though that Sam has come home and asked if I want to go out, and I can't leave her with anyone, I wouldn't really trust anyone else with her at this young age, but knowing that my mum would not follow the times for her to have a bottle and go to bed etc, I'm not prepared to do it. :rolleyes:

This routine is very similar to Laurens natural pattern that she adopted over time... really the only differences are that she has her bottle waiting at the time she would usually cry for it, that we take a walk at the same time, that she has her bath at the same time and that she takes her naps upstairs! They may sound like major changes, but really they're not :)

Next week, I'm going to start putting her down for her naps in her own room so she gets used to it.. really I should be doing it now, but hey ho!! :D

xxx








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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 7:29pm

i should be doing that too. putting her in her own room, but i am finding really difficult to do and i get panic about her not breathing or her bed sheet covering her face. i know it sound silly.

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Tuesday, February 28th 2006, 8:32pm

Sounds like your doing well with this constant battle Sam! Don't beat yourself up on the napping yet - that'll come. I probably did it too late but thankfully my 2 did take to it and know to go to sleep whenever they're approaching their room and being plonked in their cots!

Just read all the above posts and it's really bugging me again that everyone agrees that people want to rock babies to sleep OR wake and prod them when they're asleep!!! Incredible!!!!

Sarah, Im well impressed with your routine me darling!
Beth xxx


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Missy

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Wednesday, March 1st 2006, 1:46pm

It is encouraging to know that everyones routines are working, even if you do have your off days! :D

Victoria, I was too, we have got the tomy classic monitors, but I am getting bt digital ones soon as we seem to have alot of interference. Even with the buzzing though I can hear her breathing which is actually quite soothing!! :D

xxx








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Thursday, March 2nd 2006, 8:43am

how are you feeling today sam? Any better? Just wanted to echo what the others have all been saying- things will get better but you have to be firm in what you beleive in. If YOU want the routine for YOUR baby then YOU do it! It is hard though, My parents live 150 miles away and only see ds once a month at the most. They normally arrive lateish (9.30pm) and expect him to be up and awake for a cuddle!! However after a few "discussions" (LOL) they now respect (if not agreeing) our routine.

DS now is in bed by 7-7.30 at the ltest and sleeps to 6am ish. we have the whole evening to ourselves fro a meal, glass of wine , tv and other things....... ;)

It WILL work if you are firm!!!!!

Victoria- how's things with you??

nikki





Missy

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Thursday, March 2nd 2006, 11:49am

no, got worse today!! after farting around yesterday with her feeds things started looking up at the 5pm feed, she took the full 3 oz, then had a bath, and finishing her other 3oz feed. Slept through until 10pm on the dot woke up and had her full 5oz feed and awoke at 3am...(wolfed down a full 5oz + 1oz extra as still hungry) going to the routine to the letter :D, then 4am comes and goes.. 5am comes and goes, and the little madams wide awake and laughing her pretty little head off no matter how much rocking, soothing and shhing I attempted. Put her in her moses basket a few times to settle herself to no avail!!

Finally settled at 6am, So then, we all slept through the 7am alarm completely ballsing up the 7am feed. She would only take 3oz at that feed, and wasn't interested in the 10 am feed at all ;( Managed to shove 2 1/2 oz down her in the end, but she is 4oz down on her daily amount already so it looks like we're in for another fun night ;( ;( ;(

xxx








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Thursday, March 2nd 2006, 12:17pm

Sam, you've got to remember that is she was breastfed you would have absolutely no idea what volume of milk she was having so you wouldn't be at all worried about this. Also some days babies need a lot of milk as they're having growth spurts... some days they don't need so much.

Some days we're ravenous and will eat and eat, some days we're happy with light snacks......and babies are the same.

I understand and agree that routines are important but Lauren is still very young and there's no harm done for variation to meet her needs.





Missy

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Thursday, March 2nd 2006, 12:23pm

You're right hun 8), I think I'm just cranky cos of the lack of sleep (par for the course when you have a new baby!)

As much as I wanted this, I think I hadn't fully realised just how much hard work it would be!! Wouldn't change it for the world mind ;)

I'm not too worried about her weight, she is filling out nicely! :D

xxx








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Thursday, March 2nd 2006, 1:56pm

It IS hard work sam, it's certainly not the romanticised affair that it would appear. The thing is that although it's rewarding it's also constant hard work so you 'miss' those little rewarding moments, it's only when you look back that you realise the nicer side of babies.

Much like being pregnant looks so lovely but is actually bloody hard work when you're going through it. You look back now and think "ahh wasn't it lovely having a baby in my tum" yet at the time you're thinking "I just want this baby OUT of my tum!"

In a few months you'll look back and think "ahhh wasn't it lovely when she was so tiny and floppy!" :D


.....and that's why so many people have another..... :D

For me, as much as I would LOVE another baby, it's just too much hard work. I look back at the times when I was like you and Sunshine with an overworked OH, a tiny baby, feeding, changing, sleepless nights, groggy days, worry, worry worry .....like a full time job that you work 24/7! ......and I think 'nope' I'll stick to having horses thanks :D





Missy

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Thursday, March 2nd 2006, 5:22pm

I know, just the other day when I could feel myself getting a bit short tempered, I had to take a step back and remember all we have been through to get Lauren, and all we have lost :( It does make me realise just how lucky we are to be here now :]

The only thing is Lauren's instruction manual seems to have gone missing :D, and the volume button seems to be stuck on LOUD!!!! :D (thats when she's not on 'standby!'

xxx








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Thursday, March 2nd 2006, 8:06pm

oh samd my heart goes out to you. i remember when eliana was about lauren age i used to find it difficult espically when i was having those sleepless night. sometimes i cry a lot just wishing i had enough support with dd.
if only i have read about gina routine before maybe this could have help

i used to pm clare a lot asking her for advise on putting dd to sleep and about her feeding. but it will get easier. keep up with the hard work. and just like you said you know how hard it was for you to get lauren.

nikki- eliana goes to bed at 8pm then we wake her up at 11.30pm for her last feed and somehow she wake up again at 6.30am wanting to play but she quickly put back to sleep after having 10ml of water. she finally wake up 8am steering straight at me from her cot. she doesnt make no noise at all. she just stare at me. bless her :)

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Friday, March 3rd 2006, 8:45am

aw, she is adorable, and she does sound like a good baby! I just hope Lauren switches her body clock soon, and then really she will be a model baby!! She is a very happy baby when shes not tired 8)

Yesterday, carried on going to pot. She only settled at 12.30 for her nap and then woke at 1.45 so she didn't have 2 hours! But, then she stayed awake for the full 2hours social time (grandma was v pleased!) then settled off for a nap from 4.15 til 5 as planned 8) Then imagine my suprise when she took a whole bottle AWAKE 8o had a bath, took another bottle AWAKE 8o, then settled off nicely to sleep at 7pm on the dot :] THEN awoke promptly at 10pm had another WHOLE bottle AWAKE then went off til 2 :D :D

She did wake at 4.30 again ;( rooting, so I just gave her 2oz, then paced the bedroom with her for 1/2 hour before she dropped off :)

I feel so much better now - alot more positive! I hope I haven't jinxed it already, but she seems to be back on track, its just a case of riding it out! :D

xxx








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Friday, March 3rd 2006, 1:59pm

yeh samd, :D :D :D really happy she is doing well. you see it will pay off eventually. let just hope she countine with that good progress. ;)

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Friday, March 3rd 2006, 4:54pm

yay!!! :D
keep up the good work sam!!
x





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Friday, March 3rd 2006, 7:57pm

Aww cheers! This is really the first thing since she was born I feel positive about doing!! She is doing well today (fingers toes eyes and legs crossed!) my mum was supposed to come round earlier to see her before 5pm whilst she was awake. But she got chatting to someone and ended up not arriving until 6pm. Dp was bathing her and she was quite tired anyway so I stuck with it and put her to bed as normal. I could tell my mum was put out that I hadn't kept her up, but if I give in now then I will never be able to say no again

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Friday, March 3rd 2006, 8:11pm

Yeah you go Sam!

you are doing so well with the routine so far and if you show you are sticking to your decisions with your mum she will accept it all the more and get used to working round you.

Me - PCOS
DH - Poor Motility & Morphology........
ICSI 2001 - DS / 2009 - DD - Our family is now complete :) :)







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