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  • "basilbrush" started this thread

Posts: 217

Reg: Jun 4th 2008

Location: fishbowl

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1

Sunday, February 1st 2009, 2:18pm

work and adoption

Me and DH are waiting for social worker, we had to have a 6month wait after fertility treatment ended and ring them again which we did and on Thursday 29th Jan social worker came round for informal chat just to see where we were etc and to see if we were ready to proceed once they get a social worker.

Anyway topic of work came up, me an DH do have some savings not huge amounts but we both dont earn huge amounts but enough to save. We have carefully considered work options and I will take my full adoption pay and my SP pay and take up to a year off, and then I will have to go back to work, I work fortunately in a call centre so I have the option to work evenings part time, which I aim to do say from 6-9pm or 5-9pm sommit like that anyway. I will have no choice but to go back to work and DH salary wont cover all our outgoings just on his. The social worker seemed to be really kind of annoyed at the me going back to work, I told her this was a considered decsion, and she said it might be hard on on our marriage and child. I informed her that our marriage (of 13 years by the way) was not going to fall apart from me being out of the house for 4 hours a night ( I did think probably enhance it - but wont tell her that), she then spoke of abandoment issues etc etc. BUT i dont get what she is getting at? If DH goes to work all doy and I am at home is this not the same abandoment issue what are we going to do - both be off forever? I dont get it, I will be here every day all day and then he will come home do turn round and I will go out again.

One of my friends said well lie then and say you will take as much time as they need. but I am not a liar and this does not sit easy with me and will they check my savings as if they do they might then realise I am lying as I wont have enough to take years off. I am now in paranoid state. Apart from that the visit went really really well she told me not to worry too much, as this is something they explore but me being me is now worried.

what did any one else do, do they check your savings, what did you tell them re work and did you bend the truth or be honest? Dont know what they want from me? Also just read somewhere on here they ask quesetins re your sex life - do they? Dont have anything to hide but I was shocked was not expecting that, i will be fine, but DH might have a bit of a heartattack hes not good at talking.

Any help appreciated, been waiting 6 years for a child, one misacarriage tonnes of fertility treatment and just want to be a mum now, so paranoid as I am soooooooooo close.
Me 43

TTC 6 years
12x clomid BFN
3 IUIS BFN
2 IUI's overstimulated
1 natural preg m/c Dec 07
Adoption journey started April04/09

Now a mummy

  • "gayle1803" is no longer a member of FZ

Posts: 2,268

Reg: Sep 13th 2006

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2

Wednesday, February 4th 2009, 3:44pm

RE: work and adoption

Hi Becky

Sorry have only just seen this :innocent:. Im glad your meeting went reasonably well, it seems a little strange that your SW seemed to react like this as she must know in this day and age not many people are fortunate enough to be able to stay at home, the fact that you are looking at possibly taking a year off is a credit to you. I remember when we were discussing things with our SW and even at the prep meetings I think all they are slightly concerned with is if you plan on going straight back to work, and maybe putting the child into childcare etc, as obviously they need to be around the people that have become familiar with them, immediate family etc.

I wouldnt suggest lying to the SW be honest with them, maybe she did not mean to come across like this and it was slightly misunderstood. I really think honesty is the best policy for all concerned, our SW did say there is always the possibilty of some kind of funding depending on your circumstances, this may be worth asking about.

Sorry I cannot be of anymore help, but wish you all the success in your new journey and look forward to following you every step right up to you bringing your precious one/ones home
xxxxxx

Marlene

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Posts: 2,094

Reg: Oct 3rd 2005

Location: Somewhere near to a rainbow

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3

Wednesday, February 4th 2009, 9:40pm

Hi Basilbrush

Having read your post above I think I would feel like you do .

We completed our homestudy on 18th December 08 and now waiting to go to Panelnext week . When we started all the homestudy visit , we were certainly overwhelmed by the amount of information we were about to embark upon telling our Social worker .

She put us at ease and we worked through all different areas of our lives, no itimate details about sex, but just really looking at us as a couple, what made us great together , the good the bad , It did sometimes feel i was being tested , but after having gone through so much fertility , we wanted to get through the " theory" part of adoption . We had 10 visit lasting approximately 2 hrs per visit over a 6 month period. My DH is very quiet and likes thinking time when talking , I dont need that as I just open my mouth and talk , so most of the time he didnt get a word in edgeways.. lmao.

if you want to PM me please do so .


I am having a year off then going back part time, funds will not allow me to stay off permanent, so they should not expect that . My DH is self employed so he will be at home when I am not ( school finish time for EG )
I did enjoy our homestudy because our SW was so professional and made us feel at ease , I do hope you get a simular experience .

MArlene

x


Beautiful Daughter and gorgeous Son through adoption, my family now complete , 2009 started our journey and complete Oct 2012 ....

parteepartee

  • "basilbrush" started this thread

Posts: 217

Reg: Jun 4th 2008

Location: fishbowl

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4

Wednesday, February 4th 2009, 10:08pm

oh thank you so much both of you, its such a comfort to hear your words, I am in a right old pickle.

I actually read your diary Marlene and it really did make me giggle particularly the bits about husband speaking unsupervised. I know what you mean there...........I do get a bit worried I chat too much but thats me, thats how I am. DH is very quiet, reserved and thinks. I hope your panel goes well you must be sooooo excited? Well it must be really nerve racking as well....as I know how much you must really want a child as I know how much I do.

I think your both right, I am being honest, I am an honest person, and if they dont like it they can lump it, we have so carefully considered our options, i will take a year out and then work partime at night from 6-9pm I cant change that. I cannot afford not to, and of course we would not put our child into child care and go back to work immediately.

we are going to another adoption day on friday with a charity agency as we have had to wait a long time for a social worker with the local authority and they only have 4 adoption social workers we have been waiting up to a year already, then had to have our grieving time ( due to final treatment last year) when I contacted them again in November they told me would have to wait for at least another 4-6months and she confirmed this last week. Had this charity agency one up our sleeve and they dont have waiting lists, so I think it might be a bit like you Marlene where you were getting married etc and tried to find and agency that would take you a bit quicker.

well anyway thank you both sooooooooooooooooo much, another quick question did they actually ever ask to see your savings or did you just say you had money saved or did they actually ask to see money, bank statements etc? wondering how much I should have saved up, or is this another one of my paranoia things? we do have savings, I think I am worried they will reject me for some reason, dont know what for though, my DH thinks I like to worry and hes probably right, but not telling him that!!!

Gayle have you adopted? Forgive me for asking, you sound like you might have started this but it does not say if you have adopted or not?

Good luck Marlene, I know that you will obviously get thru the panel really well. What age,sex and how many are you looking to adopt? Will look out for your diary oh its so exciting, I do feel slightly more excited now, but WORRIED.

Thanks
becky
Me 43

TTC 6 years
12x clomid BFN
3 IUIS BFN
2 IUI's overstimulated
1 natural preg m/c Dec 07
Adoption journey started April04/09

Now a mummy

Marlene

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Reg: Oct 3rd 2005

Location: Somewhere near to a rainbow

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5

Wednesday, February 4th 2009, 10:13pm

Basil, we did go with a voluntary agency in the end and no they didnt ask for proof of savings , we just showed them affordability . We will be suspending the mortg I think as we are not big savers but liveto what we can afford ...

I will let you know outcome of panel ... eeekkk

if you want more info about LA & VA let me know and our thoughts

xx


Beautiful Daughter and gorgeous Son through adoption, my family now complete , 2009 started our journey and complete Oct 2012 ....

parteepartee

Elle

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Posts: 132

Reg: Nov 15th 2006

Location: UK

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6

Monday, February 9th 2009, 9:46pm

Hi Basil

I adopted a little boy last year. I had a year off work and then went back 4 days a week. My social worker was clear about all my plans all the way through and it was never a issue, i would love to work less hours but just can't afford it. I think aslong as you have a good childcare plan in place, and you have to take at least 6 months off to bond with the child - then it shouldn't be an issue. My little boy is 18 months now and he has bonded with me and dh in an overwhelming way. Also they never did a credit check on me or asked to see my savings, we just had to fill in a budget form showing our outgoings, me and DH never have money saved up, we live to our means, but we did start saving for when i had to take adoption leave just to cover the bills when my income dropped. Money isn't the biggest issue, obviously they need to ensure you can provide the childs basic needs like food, clothes, etc, but the most important thing they look at is that you can provide a loving, safe and secure enviroment for the child.

Hope this helps in some way. If you need anymore info about adoption journey have a look at my diary, or PM me.

GOod luck on your journey

Elle

xxxx
Elle

Me: 27 (Kallmans Syndrome)
DH: 31
3xIUI all abandoned
2 x IVF :BFN:
Completed adoption journey, Our little boy moved in with us feb 2008 aged 6 months old


  • "basilbrush" started this thread

Posts: 217

Reg: Jun 4th 2008

Location: fishbowl

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7

Monday, February 9th 2009, 10:27pm

thank you both sooooooooooooo mcuh you have put my minds at rest no end.
I could not go to Bristol on Friday as the information day was abandoned due to snow so have to wait till this Thursday and then we have to still wait for the update from my local authority on the updated home vist.

Just found out some more old friends are pregnant, really happy for them but just feel so frustrated, I want to my journey to start, just waiting for a social worker is soooooooooo annoying and I am just fretting over everything.

You have both really cheered me up though its so good to talk to others who have been thru it.

If you dont mind me asking how old are you both? I am 40 so feel my time is ticking but the SW all said its not an issue

Will be in touch shortly
Me 43

TTC 6 years
12x clomid BFN
3 IUIS BFN
2 IUI's overstimulated
1 natural preg m/c Dec 07
Adoption journey started April04/09

Now a mummy

Posts: 2,625

Reg: Sep 26th 2005

Location: kent

Children: 6 yr old gorgeous girl, single mum now

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8

Monday, February 9th 2009, 10:39pm

basil- they generally go with (through county councils) a "roughly" 40 year age gap between youngest partner and child- but it is only a rough guide . VA's are a bit more generous- but at 40 you are FINE us at (well me 33/34 ) were the second youngest on the course and the youngest's hubbie was my age- and they got a relinquished baby- so don't panic, it will be fine xxxx
adoption...after a typically long journey, approved November 05, linked with strawb December 05, Brought our princess home May 06, aged 21 months

single mum since dec 08, and very grateful for the FZ support through the whole lot xx



** CLICK TO SUPPORT FZ **


  • "basilbrush" started this thread

Posts: 217

Reg: Jun 4th 2008

Location: fishbowl

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9

Monday, February 9th 2009, 10:42pm

Thanks vegemite.

I really appreciate all this help with information.

becky
Me 43

TTC 6 years
12x clomid BFN
3 IUIS BFN
2 IUI's overstimulated
1 natural preg m/c Dec 07
Adoption journey started April04/09

Now a mummy

Bells

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Monday, February 9th 2009, 10:48pm

I don't often pop into here so forgive me :innocent:

Becky, have you looked into Child Tax Credit and Working Tax Credit? It's a benefit that ALL parents are entitled to out a claim in for. The criteria is that one of the parents must work at least 16 hours a week, your salary is of course taken into consideration so the more you earn the less you get but it's certainly worth looking at.

Have a look here http://www.entitledto.co.uk/ and put in a few details for an idea.



As far as working parents and childcare is concerned, from the perspective of a non-adoptive parent, childcare like nursery, playgroup, pre-school is essential in terms of learning social skills, making friends, sharing, being independent and confidence building. I understand that the first year of being an adoptive parent is about ensuring that the child is surrounded by security and family but when it comes to your social worker discussing you long term plans maybe you could consider and discuss with her the benefits of childcare rather than worrying that it would be seen as a negative thing. Parenting, after all, is about making a child feel secure enough to be independent and confident.





Dora

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11

Saturday, February 14th 2009, 5:37pm

I shall be taking some time off work, but as we want to adopt school age children I am not going to take the full year, but will play it by ear to and will see what suits our children. I shall only be working part time and my husband will work his shifts around my work so that one of us will always be around for our children.

Rufus

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Posts: 1,259

Reg: Oct 3rd 2005

Location: N Ireland

Children: One son, aged 8, daughter 1

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12

Sunday, February 15th 2009, 1:45pm

Basil, I am sorry, I have only just seen this! Our sw before panel took our last three pay slips and all our last three bank statements. I think this is just to prove you financially viable. I am currently llking into statutuory adoption leave (as since we moved 18 months ago I don't have a permanent job). If you or anyone else knows how I find out about this, please tell me!!1 If I find out anything, basil, i will let you know too, love lesa xx
Keep smiling :happy:




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