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  • "Gilly2" started this thread

Posts: 223

Reg: Sep 13th 2006

Location: Liverpool

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1

Wednesday, February 11th 2009, 1:19pm

Nursery

Well, where do I start.

I only work 2 days a week and since I have been back in work since May last year my mum has looked after J.

I take J to playgroups every day (mum takes him when I am in work) and I find he is a very shy little boy and doesn't mix too well.

Anyway after some consideration I have decided to put J in nursery only for a morning a week (4 hours), as I want him to mix with other children and also enjoy what a nursery has to offer rather than watching mum hoover and wash the dishes! He has become obsessed with hoovering !

He has had 3 trials at nursery - the first one I left him and he was really upset when I came back for him. (I did only leave him 2 hours). I have since stayed with him and yesterday left him for 40 minutes. When I went for him his key worker said he did get upset but calmed down. He had been upset again when I walked in. The nursery are being brilliant and said I can go every day with him, just pop in for an hour to get him used to everyone.

Why do I feel so bad :sadface: The nursery is lovely and he can go there when he is 3 and I can use the nursery vouchers too.

When he left he did give his little friend Charlie high 5's so that made me feel a bit better.

Am I doing the right thing?
Gilly Me 37, DH 38, DH low sc 1st ICSI, July 2006 OMG :BFP: Born : 26 May 2007 bab22 Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

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Reg: Oct 6th 2005

Location: Scotland

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Wednesday, February 11th 2009, 1:34pm

You are definitely doing the right thing.

I know how hard it is, i went through a tough time with Isla when i put her in nursery too but i didnt have a choice, i had too so that i can work.

She is nursery Monday to Friday from 8.30am til 1pm. When she first went she was 11 months and she cried and cried when i left her and when i came to pick her up. The nursery assured me that the minute i'd left she had stopped crying. I was so worried though and didnt really believe them so they asked me to pop in at another point in the morning and stand in a place that she couldnt see me. The little monkey was having a ball!

I know how hard it is to leave him and see him upset but he honestly is probably nothing like that when you are not there.

At first i wasnt sure that nurseries were a good idea and i wanted to keep her all to myself but i can honestly say that putting her in a nursery is the best thing i ever did for her.

Isla is so confident, excellent socialiser with both children and adults and her development has come on tremendously. Nursery has given her so many more opportunities than she would probably get being at home with me all day.

Michelle x
Me 33, DP 32
TTC for 3 years.
HSG showed 2 blocked tubes.
Lap and dye August 05 unblocked both tubes. :D Hurrah!!!! :D
Natural BFP 05/06/06

My beautiful baby girl was born 2 weeks early on 3rd February 2007

After many up's and down's we're back and ttc naturally in 2013!

Bells

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Wednesday, February 11th 2009, 6:04pm

Oh, just everything that Michelle just said!

Nursery is wonderful for little ones and a great stepping stone for pre-school and eventually primary school. I think most children need a period of adjustment when they first start nursery, most of them get upset at first but they all get used to the idea eventually.

You feel bad because there's this strange idea knocking about that a child can only be happy and feel loved if his Mother sits with him all day, looking at the same old books, walking in the same parks and traipsing to every 'sing with baby' class that comes along. Nonsense! Giving a child the opportunity to make little friends, play with new toys, do creative activities as a group, play, sing, read and share.... well.... that doesn't sound like a bad choice to me.





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Wednesday, February 11th 2009, 6:26pm

Just wanted to add that Isla has formed close, close bonds with 2 of the women. She talks about them all the time and its clear to see that she has a deep affection for them. When we go in in the morning the first thing Isla says to one of the women is " wheres my kiss and cuddle?"

Its great to know that she is so happy when i'm not there - i must admit though that i did feel some jealousy at first because i was thinking that all her love should be directed at me! (silly i know!).

Joe will thrive at nursery and you are definitely doing the right thing xx
Me 33, DP 32
TTC for 3 years.
HSG showed 2 blocked tubes.
Lap and dye August 05 unblocked both tubes. :D Hurrah!!!! :D
Natural BFP 05/06/06

My beautiful baby girl was born 2 weeks early on 3rd February 2007

After many up's and down's we're back and ttc naturally in 2013!

  • "Gilly2" started this thread

Posts: 223

Reg: Sep 13th 2006

Location: Liverpool

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5

Wednesday, February 11th 2009, 9:14pm

Thanks for all your replies - everyone I seem to ask says the same thing. I know that deep down I need to let him go as I don't want him to be like I was when I started school - I screamed as soon as I left my mum as I didn't go to nursery at all.

I'm going to take him on Friday for an hour and next week for an hour or two before finally leaving him for the full 4 hours on Wednesday. Will let you know how it goes - dreading it though! :bawl:
Gilly Me 37, DH 38, DH low sc 1st ICSI, July 2006 OMG :BFP: Born : 26 May 2007 bab22 Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

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Thursday, February 12th 2009, 12:56pm

Hi Hunni
A goes to nusery all day Tuesday an Wed am, and loves it. Ok it took a little while to get there with the love bit but we had lots of trials like you are doing now and he's settled in really well. He, like Isla, has a close bond with 2 of his original care workers, and yesterday I walked in to find him sitting on Becky's knee being tickled and he looked really happy. He's come out of his shell so much since being there,, it's been brilliant. My mum still has him Mondays for me but when she can't, rather than take a day off I'm going to see if I can pay for an extra session.

I think it's all about preparing him for nursery/school and life. Also I wasn't prepared for how much adjustment I had to make in letting him go. At one point on his hours visit I sat in the car outside sobbing, I wasn't prepared for just how emotional it'd be. I rang my mum in tears and told her it was the hardest thing I'd ever done :O. But it all works out, he'll settle, you'll settle and he'll love it !!


Me 39, DH 39 ICSI Nov '06 BFP

FET Dec '10 - ET Dec 16th - Test Day 31/12/10





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Monday, February 16th 2009, 10:22am

If you are anxious when taking him he will pick up on this and act accordingly I know its very hard when you feel anxious, but try not to show it

  • "Gilly2" started this thread

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Location: Liverpool

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Thursday, February 19th 2009, 1:30pm

Well took J to nursery yesterday - and got a phone call at 9.45 am to pick him up. The owner of the nursery rang me as she was very concerned that he was so hysterical he was going to make himself sick!!

After talking to the nursery, I have decided to wait until he is 2 (in May) and try again. He will move to another room with more children his age and hopefully settle in better.

I am having a nightmare with him as well as he is sooooo clingy - he will not let me move.

;(
Gilly Me 37, DH 38, DH low sc 1st ICSI, July 2006 OMG :BFP: Born : 26 May 2007 bab22 Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

  • "Gilly2" started this thread

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Location: Liverpool

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Thursday, February 19th 2009, 1:34pm

I can't move!!

Can anyone please help !!

I have decided to take J out of nursery until he is 2 as he is just not settling and is screaming hysterical. The nursery actually advised it as they rang me and thought he was going to have a fit yesterday!

He is very clingy too. As soon as I move, he screams thinking I am leaving him. Do you think this is because he has been so traumatised by nursery.

I take him to playgroup every day but he just doesn't seem to mix very well.

My DH is getting annoyed saying he is too clingy to me but what can I do..... I stayed at home for 12 months with him and now work 2 days - he stays fine with my mum and waves bye-bye to me of a morning!

Kids eh!
Gilly Me 37, DH 38, DH low sc 1st ICSI, July 2006 OMG :BFP: Born : 26 May 2007 bab22 Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

landi

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Thursday, February 19th 2009, 1:51pm

Hi,

I'm a deputy manager in a nursery. Sometimes children do take a very long time to settle into nursery. This is common, so be assured you're not alone.

How long did you put him in to nursery for? Did they offer any settling-in visits?

What is he like when yuou leave him with people oyther than family?

This is an age where children do become more clingy. So this is a normal phase of children to go through.

It's better to do these things gradually. We have recently had a child who has taken about 4 months to settle in. We did it gradually, then the mum upped his hours and coz he's with us for longer he's used to us.

I always say to people that if you can remember what it was like on your first day at work, when you didn't know anyone. It was prob a little scary. Well it's the same for children but at his age he cannot tell anyone how it feels.

Feels free to PM me and I'd be happy to offer more advise, but if you can answer some of the questions, i could help a biyt more - hopefully.

:xxx3:

LAURA
28.05.10 My miracle son Harry was born 5 weeks early, by c-section lurve

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "landi" (Feb 19th 2009, 2:03pm)


landi

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Thursday, February 19th 2009, 1:52pm

Also do you BF? and where does he sleep? Just to help get an understanding of where you are.

Hope you don't mind me asking alll these questions?

LAURA
28.05.10 My miracle son Harry was born 5 weeks early, by c-section lurve


  • "Gilly2" started this thread

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Reg: Sep 13th 2006

Location: Liverpool

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12

Thursday, February 19th 2009, 10:26pm

Hi Landi,

Yes he had about 5 trials. I left him the first time, but cos he was so upset, I stayed for the others. The last one, I left him for 40 minutes - he was upset at first but calmed down and then got upset again. He looked quite upset when I picked him up.

I was only putting him in for half a day a week to start with. It is soooo expensive too.

He doesn't stay with anyone apart from my mum and MIL. He is great with my mum - cries a bit with my MIL but then is fine.

I don't BF now - did for the first 8 weeks. He sleeps in his own cot and always has done since he was 10 weeks. He has his nap in his pram.

Thanks for your advice

XX
Gilly Me 37, DH 38, DH low sc 1st ICSI, July 2006 OMG :BFP: Born : 26 May 2007 bab22 Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

landi

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Thursday, February 19th 2009, 11:23pm

Hi Gilly,

The fact that he did actually calm down during his 40mins is a very good sign. Do the staff there know what he likes to play with? This may help to distract him.

Also does he have a comforter i.e. a dummy or blanket? If he takes this in it will remind him of home and he should feel comforted. The nursery should allow this.

It's good that you're not BF now in a nursery sense, as that too can lead to a child being clingy as they always want the breast when in an unfamiliar situation.

Ask MIL what she does to calm him down when he gets upset as the nursery could use this info to help him.

I know nurseries can be expensive, but i have to say they can be so beneficial. When he's 3 (ish) he will be eligible for the Free Entitlement Grant which every 3yr old in the country is entitled to. This means that for 2.5hrs a day your childcare is free. The government are thinking of lowering it to 2yrs, but not atm.

Another thing to try is to leave him with a friend of your who you trust and who he has seen a lot. This will help him to know that it's ok to be left. Just do iyt for 5-10 mins at fitrst while you pop to the shops. This will slowly allow him to understnad that you always come back. Try a few short times at first, then gradually build up. If possible then try another friend or family member. This will allow him to be familiar with being left with different people.

Do they have rooms at the nursery or is it open plan?

Also do you and DP/DH drop him off together or is it just you? Children can react differently depending who drops them off.

I'd suggest that if you don't have to put him in childcare straight away, you leave it until he's 2, but try these methods I've outlined in preparation for nursery.

I hope that this helps, and sorry for asking more questions it's just so that i can think of the best advice fior your particular situation.

:xxx3:

LAURA
28.05.10 My miracle son Harry was born 5 weeks early, by c-section lurve


landi

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Thursday, February 19th 2009, 11:28pm

Just to add that him being upset when you pick him up is also very normal. If they have calmed down then you turning up reminds them that you've not been there with them.

I have a lot of parents who feel so guilty when they leave their child and their crying or when they pick up. Children always know which buttons to press to make their parent's feel that way.

Sounds liek the nursery has a good settling-in procedure with 5 trials. Make sure that when he does go back, he has the same amount of trials.

Also the reason i asked about sleep is that sometimes children who still sleep with Mum &/or dad can find it difficult to settle as they constantly need to have their parent with them. This is not a bad thing, just something that happens. It's good that he's in his own cot. How do you put him to sleep in his cot i.e. rocked or put in and left to fall asleep? Would he have a sleep whilst he's at nursery?

:xxx3:

LAURA
28.05.10 My miracle son Harry was born 5 weeks early, by c-section lurve


  • "Gilly2" started this thread

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Reg: Sep 13th 2006

Location: Liverpool

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Friday, February 20th 2009, 5:11pm

Thanks for all your help Landi.

He just goes asleep on his own of a nightime.

Going to try again in about a month - start the trials anyway!
Gilly Me 37, DH 38, DH low sc 1st ICSI, July 2006 OMG :BFP: Born : 26 May 2007 bab22 Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

  • "I'm hopeful" is no longer a member of FZ

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Friday, February 20th 2009, 5:25pm

Hi, I'm also a deputy of a Nursery. I ditto what Landi says, but with children that age I advise they come twice a week spaced out so for example a Tues & thurs that helps them to settle as once a week is such a long time for a 1yr old. You just start settling in then you go home, and so much happens in a week, they sometimes 'forget' they have been left a Nursery. This is just my advice and what I would do. I am also honest with my friends when they ask these questions! My best friend's little girl comes to my Nursery and she loves it!I am sure with time he will love Nursery too!! Hopes this helps? You can also PM for any advice.

It's Twins!!




landi

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Saturday, February 21st 2009, 12:09am

Let me know how it goes Gilly.

I also agree with Lisa about poss more time there.

:xxx3:

LAURA
28.05.10 My miracle son Harry was born 5 weeks early, by c-section lurve


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