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Rivka

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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 10:58am

Routines?

Hello all

How are people getting on with their routines? I am finding it impossible to predict from one day to the next what the day will hold and think I have probably fallen into what Tracey Hogg describes as "accidental parenting".

Am I going to pay for this at some point? Should I make a real effort to squueze her into a timetable? She does have naps and has a fairly regular sleep pattern at night but its all of her own devising. Any advice gratefully received.







Chilli

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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 11:11am

DD is a bit irratic with sleep she is great at night but yesterday she didn't sleep at all! I think it's hard in this weather they get so hot and bothered and thirsty so yo feel like you are feeding all the time.

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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 12:01pm

I think in this weather anyway they do tend to go a bit haywire, it makes them a) more sleepy b) not as hungry, but if you try and stick to it even loosely, just make sure that her bedtime routine stays the same and you should be ok. :))

If you are doing Tracey Hogg, maybe start revising the routine ie, take a step back and keep a track of her sleeps and feeds for a couple of days- if anything it will probably suprise you how much structure you actually have in your day! :D

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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 12:15pm

oh lordy - at 2 months & a bit, my DS was barely on a routine - he was 3 hours feeding but that was about it.

he slept through the night from 10 weeks to 12 weeks - just enough for us to get used to it & then it all went to ratshit! :D

anyways - dont worry too much about accidental parenting - it's always fixable.

for us, we found the most important thing was to make sure the meal times were regular, and then just watch for the cues as to when he got sleepy and put him down in his cot gently shh-patting until he fell asleep - could take 10-20 minutes. if he still wouldnt sleep then we would just pick him up and play and cuddle him.

PUPD never worked for us, and his naps even now are irregular - we just let him sleep when he's tired. but as I said - it's his feed times that are regular. it makes planning your life at home an awful lot easier if you can say "right I have time to do XYZ because he gets fed in 2 hours time" and you know he will only get hungry around that time.

babies are creatures of habit and after a few days of a strict feeding timetable your LO will get used to that timetable and stick by it - just god forbid you deviate from it a week later cos you'll have a HUNGRY baby on your hands - hahaha! :D

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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 2:26pm

Yes I agree - if you get the mealtimes regular then I personally don't worry about the rest. I think you can do more damage stressing yourself and your baby out. If she is able to go to sleep without too many crutches then I wouldn't worry at all I think you are doing a wonderful job!

Out of all my friends, some did Gina Ford, others Tracey Hogg and others nothing - now they have all caught up with eachother so all the mums that went through major trials and tribulations trying to squeeze their little ones into sleeping to que etc are no better off! The babies of mothers who just 'went with the flow' are sleeping just as well and have put themselves into their own routine. It would be interesting to know if there were any more scientific studies TBH - I do have a suspicion all these baby experts are getting very rich teaching us the 'right' way to raise a baby though!



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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 2:41pm

The only thing we do is bath then bed!! We bath DD 7 - 7.30pm then she stays upstairs in her bedroom whether awake or not.

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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 3:47pm

TBH thats a good way to go Saz! I wish I'd done the same!! :D

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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 4:03pm

We've done bath everynight since she was 2 weeks at 7ish and upstairs feed then bed, I think it's the best way to start introducing a rountine.

We didn't put her upstairs on her own till she was about 6 or 7 weeks but she let us know herself if you kow what I mean, she just started getting very restless in the evenings screaming wanting feeding then refusing it .. so I thought she must be tired and we put her in the cot and she slept so she sort of let me know that's what she wanted.

she laid in her cot last night for an hour before dropping off to sleep, she just laid there, I kept checking to see if she was asleep but she stayed awake, we were down stairs eventually she dropped off, I was really pleased she did that makes me know that she is quite contnet to do that on her own, she doesn' need me or DH to nurse her.

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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 6:46pm

well done Chilli- isn't it lovely to know that they can fall asleep without help? I still stand by ds' door at night sometimes listening to the gurgurling chatty noises he makes before sleep. Sounds so content and peaceful.....





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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 7:15pm

It seems that I've been guilty of accidental parenting forever. I'd never read a book on routines and if it weren't for this forum I still wouldn't know the names of people like Gina Ford and Tracey Hogg.

I did and still do follow a routine of sorts, bedtime is always the same time (unless we're out, busy, disrupted) and we go through a routine of kinds by doing nappy, pjs, milk and bed but it's come about of its own accord and I followed my childrens leads.

DD2 went to bed late on Tuesday, 7.30pm instead of 6.30pm because we were busy. As a result she slept until I woke her at 11.30pm the next morning. She missed her afternoon nap but you know.... she was ok.... we went with the flow and she went off to bed at the normal time that night. You don't get a 'Bad Parent' award if you deviate from your norm but I agree that it IS good to have a 'norm'.

I respect that some of you are finding the routines absolutely perfect for you but I would hate to think that any of you were feeling persecuted for parenting by instinct...... that surely is the absolute goal?





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Wednesday, July 19th 2006, 7:40pm

Here Here Bells!! I have to say I am not going to implement a strict routine, DH and are are very unorganised - always eaten dinner late never make plans as we change them, everything last minute.

I so far have followed DD as to what she has set out and it has worked out well Tracey Hogg does say this and that's why I have follwed her book to a fashion, plus DD is still very young I don't disagree with anyone wanting to follow a set routine aslong as it suits everyone it is just not in my nature to be that regimented.

She does to bed at a set time and has a bath at a set time, as she gets older we will start to introduce set times for eating but she is still on demand which suits us both and she is sleeping very well at night so she must be content.

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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 4:57am

as probably already mentioned, it also really depends on the child.

some children are great on routines, others are terrible. DS is one that obviously likes a routine because he's a little clockwork toy - get's realy cranky if his routine is busted! :rolleyes:

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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 9:23am

DD varies in everything except the time we bath her and put her to bed!! Sometimes she goes to sleep with the feed straight after her bath then stays asleep until 3-4am, other times she sleep for 30 mins (ish), then wakes up an stays awake for about an hr before sleeping until 5am ish.

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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 9:27am

The afternoons are the only time DD changes, she usually sleeps agian an a hour after waking up in the morning, then afternoon is hit and miss but night time bath, feed, bed sleeps till 4.30am, wakes at 7.30am either stays awake or goes back till 9.30am. I haven't introduced this as a routine she just does it, although we do vary on the odd day!

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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 9:31am

She does get up at around 8, regardless of which way she has gone thru the night. For example, last night, she fell asleep at 8pm then slept until about 3am. I put her back down by 3.30, while awake, and she went back to sleep, then woke at 6.30 for 20 mins to feed, then back to sleep. She was still awake at 8am wanting up!!! She is now asleep tho!!! Her patterns do vary thru the day. Some days, she only catnaps for 20 mins at a time, maybe 4 or 5 times. Other times, she has 1 really long sleep early afternoon.

Rivka

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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 1:49pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Rhinosaz
The only thing we do is bath then bed!! We bath DD 7 - 7.30pm then she stays upstairs in her bedroom whether awake or not.


Saz - whats your tactic if she cries when you put her to bed?

I think we're being a bit timid about putting her to bed and she is STILL coming up when we go to bed although she will hav ebeen asleep since about 8 in her basket or on a lap. I know we are being daft doing it this way but she just does not want to go to sleep at night without us there.

I can't leave her to cry, I don't mind those little fake wails she does but if its genuine upset sobbing it breaks my heart and I don't want her to break her little heart. I know I sound too soft. I will rue the day just you watch, we'll be on house of tiny tearaways before you know it!






This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Rivka" (Jul 20th 2006, 1:55pm)


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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 2:17pm

She's only 2 months old Bec, don't worry about 'spoiling' her. There comes a point when you have to decide when to make the break, after all, some people are happy having a 5 year old who wakes them up every night and will not sleep in their own bed :D. When the time is right you need to be firm but no one will force you to do it if you feel it's too soon.

Have it on your mind that in the next few months you will be brave and you will go through the necessary actions to get her to sleep on her own. Until then you can make your mind up and question whether you really are doing her lots of favours having her fall asleep on your laps ......... eventually you'll just think "yes, I'm ready" and you can give it a go. Until you're ready to do that then don't upset yourself with what you think you 'ought' to do.





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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 2:28pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Bec
whats your tactic if she cries when you put her to bed?



We leave her!! Obviously, if she is genuinely crying, then we don't. If she is protesting, we leave her for a bit, then go up, shush her, then come away again. It as difficult the first few nights, but is geting much easier now. There are nights when we have to go to her 3 or 4 times still, but not every night. As Bells says, only you know what is right for you hun.

Rivka

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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 2:37pm

Right, I must be strong. I'll start this Friday so that its a night when Jaosn doesn't have to go to work in the morning and then we'll have it all sorted by Monday ha ha ha!







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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 4:08pm

Quoted

Originally posted by Bells
It seems that I've been guilty of accidental parenting forever. I'd never read a book on routines and if it weren't for this forum I still wouldn't know the names of people like Gina Ford and Tracey Hogg.

I respect that some of you are finding the routines absolutely perfect for you but I would hate to think that any of you were feeling persecuted for parenting by instinct...... that surely is the absolute goal?


I've just got the Tracy Hogg book from Amazon. Theres nothing in it I hadn't already figured out for myself. Babies are individual people, not sweet little dolls you can dress up and play with, I'm 34 for Heavens sake I'd cottoned on to that one. Babies like structure and routine to their day, yes, worked that out too. Babies cries can mean different things, so listen and try to distinguish the different sounds, babies should fit into your day not the other way round, mamanged to work that out too! I'm a bit annoyed that she sells herself as having this amazing skill at interpreting what babies are saying when they cry but the book is just common sense really.





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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 4:40pm

It is hard hun. Actually, for the first few days, I spent the time when she was protesting on here! Seemed to help!!!! :D

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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 5:12pm

You're right MrsJ it is, but there are alot of people out there who haven't got any!

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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 7:11pm

I agree Mrs J! I think its money for old rope! When I was winding myself up about my DD not going to sleep I searched the webb and books and was bombarded with 'experts' with instant answers which were mostly a load of old tosh LOL! They play on your insecurities as a first time mum.

Also I don't agree at all with leaving a baby to cry and its got nothing to do with being too soft. In my opinion young babies cry for a reason and they need to know that when they do mum/dad will be there. Not going just tells them, at best to cry louder or at worse if they cry no one comes and I want my daughter to feel I will be there if she needs me. In saying that my DD didn't just murmur a bit, she really let rip when she cried!!! After a lot of energy and effort we managed to sort bedtime and she goes off to sleep beautifully now - I'm just so pleased I listened to my own heart. But that's just my opinion, I believe that the only person who truley knows how to deal with your baby is you as their mum.



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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 8:05pm

DD doesn't really cry. When she does, I do respond straight away. However, at times, she just protests, almost like a toddler shouting Mummy. It is only then we leave her at first. Sometimes, she takes herself to sleep. Other times, sher doesn't.

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Thursday, July 20th 2006, 9:42pm

Whatever you do has to suit YOU. As I said, some people are perfectly happy having their older child in bed with them every night. I slept with my first baby every night for 8 months and my second child was something around 6 months (poss older) when I made the decision to get her to sleep through the night. At the time I didn't know any different but if I was to have another child (which I won't) I would work on it earlier at a point when it seemed right to me, my baby and my family.

It's a fine line between leaving a tired, overstimulated child to cry herself to sleep and leaving a genuinly upset child to work herself up into a frantic state..... and the longer we parent, the easier it is to recognise these differences. If it takes a little longer to feel comfortable with our instincts then so be it. No baby is going to be 'ruined' at this age.


Quoted

I believe that the only person who truley knows how to deal with your baby is you as their mum.


Absolutely! :D





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Friday, July 21st 2006, 10:08am

something I would do differently and would like to pass on is consider allergies at a much earlier age.

as I found out bf babies can still get allergic reactions.

DS is almost a different child since I have gone on a highly restricted diet, in particular cutting out gluten.

I've found out that gluten allergies can causing colic, screaming, irritability, loose bowels, sleeplessness etc

DS used to scream at me loads when he was 4-9 weeks old, even if he had been changed, fed and had a nap - we were just at our wits end.

Slowly it got better then the eczema kicked in, then the screaming got worse again.

I tried everything to comfort him EXCEPT cry-it-out. The most we would leave him crying for was 10-15 minutes and that was just to get a break ourselves from the sonic wail - we had to have a sanity break occasionally.

Next time (I hope!) I will NOT eat gluten during my pregnancy nor during breastfeeding.

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Friday, July 21st 2006, 11:50am

i second that sunshine we had problems but i have cut out onions, garlic, strawberries. grapes, tangerines and the only dairy i have is in tea which i have one cup per day. And drink loadsof water so and seems to help!

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Friday, July 21st 2006, 2:13pm

My hot tip would be to look out for signs of tiredness with a baby who cries relentlessly at the end of the day. My DD can go from a lovely smiley angel tired to a thing possessed in about ohhh.... 60 seconds! Learning the really subtle signs that she was getting tired was the turning point for us in getting her to bed.



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Sunday, July 23rd 2006, 8:54am

Yep i agree, we started to pick up on the tired signals- rubbing eyes, stroking back of his head and obviously yawning. Now as soon as he starts these i put him down for a nap.





Rivka

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Sunday, July 23rd 2006, 10:33am

We're getting there! 6 til is Daddy time, 7 on is bath and booby. 8 in her cot, grumbles til 8:30 then falls fast asleep until 6:30 the next morning!!! could not believe it, three nights on a trot. not going to imagine this will continue as will only be in for disaapointment LOL







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Sunday, July 23rd 2006, 10:36am

Dont know whwther its been mentioned before but I read somewhere that if your LO is waking at the same time every night to wake them up 15-45 mins before this time then putting them to sleep again, I'm not sure how this works though but its supposed to! ?(

Oh I know! It was in the book that we get free after we've had them! :D the NHS one!

Jessica x x

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Sunday, July 23rd 2006, 11:13am

Last 2 nights, DD has slept thru 8o

pirhanachomp

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Sunday, July 23rd 2006, 11:19am

yey! Well done both babies! :D

Jessica x x

Rivka

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Wednesday, July 26th 2006, 7:06am

Just updating this thread on my progress, Plum has continued to sleep through with the occasional 1am blip on days where our daytime routine has meant she hasn't fed as much as usual. I'm enjoying the unbroken nights but not about to imagine that this is the shape of things to come! :D

She has given up daytime naps almost completely, she seems much too interested in whats going on to be closing her eyes even for a second. Sometimes she even pretends to go to sleep so I get up to do the pots (or more likely come on FZ!) and I discover that the cheeky miss has been peeping at me and wakes up immediately.







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Wednesday, July 26th 2006, 8:05am

My DD seems to not want to sleep during the day unless I really make her, then I end up sleeping too and nothing gets done!

Rivka

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Thursday, July 27th 2006, 10:39am

Same here!!!







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Thursday, July 27th 2006, 10:40am

Much to DH's annoyance I don't sleep thru the day, but nothing gets done anyway :D

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Thursday, July 27th 2006, 10:45am

Bec

C is the same, she barely sleeps during the day, and if she does i get up to start the bottles or tidying up and she wakes up within 15 minutes of me putting her down. Typical eh!

Sometimes thro night she will sleep from 11pm to 5am which is great. But usually have a feed around 2am ish. Its good to see them changing and progressing isnt it.



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Thursday, July 27th 2006, 10:52am

I am the same as you Vicki. If R falls asleep, I try and get some things done round the house. She has had an hour nap this morning and I just cleaned solidly. Even after she woke up, I carried on cleaning while she entertained herself!!

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Thursday, July 27th 2006, 10:54am

Yeah, sometimes I can get away with it, it depends on if she is hungry or not. SHe is quite happy to just sit in her rocker chair and watch tv for a bit, sometimes she will lay in her pram and look out the window too. But it doesnt last for long, she likes to be kept amused these days which is lovely as she smiles loads



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Thursday, July 27th 2006, 11:25am

It so lovely isn't when they are smiling and ''chatting'' away to you!!




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