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  • "pamelag088" started this thread

Posts: 5,085

Reg: Oct 20th 2008

Location: fraserburgh

Children: tj born 20/11/09

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Friday, July 23rd 2010, 3:12pm

Don't feel like a mum anymore

Hey all

Been a while but things getting me down so much.
I am going to be completely and utterly honest as I cant seem to be with anyone I know.

I work full time, Before I went back to work I did everything for TJ, all the mornings, nights and in betweens. Most days now I see him for all of an hour unless Im on a day off and Im so tired I hate to say this but I just leave it to DH. I feel so guilty all the time. On my days off I wake up to find DH has got up with him and given hom his breakfast when I feel I should do it, he never seems to mind but I mind that I cant get up out my bed and do it myself.

I dont feel like a mum, TJ sees more of MIL than he does of me and Im scared he will turn to everyone except me when he is looking for comfort cuz its just going to kill me. I also find when I do have him all day I dont cope too good, wheras before I went to work it didnt bother me in the slightest as it was the norm.

Am I a bad mum? I really honeslty feel like I am

Posts: 2,681

Reg: Feb 24th 2008

Location: Cheshire

Children: 1 baby girl

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Friday, July 23rd 2010, 4:12pm

Aw Pammy, I'm so sorry things are so tough at the moment. I can't give you any proper advice as I've not had my baby yet or gone back to work but I do know that a lot of my friends have found it really hard going back to work full-time. May sound like a silly question but is it normal for you to feel so tired? Could you go to your Dr to check your iron levels to see if that's what causing the tiredness or is it just general full-time work and being a Mummy? Could you try going to bed earlier so that you are more awake in the mornings to spend time with TJ?

I know it's easy for me to say but you mustn't feel guilty, you are working to provide for your family which is very important. Where would the nappies come from if you didn't?

2 ectopic pregnancies - 2005 & 2009
beautiful daughter born Sept 2010 thanks to IVF
IVF#3 April/May 2012 - BFN
IVF#4 in Oct/Nov 2012




Posts: 7,427

Reg: Feb 26th 2007

Location: Edinburgh

Children: one very special daughter

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Friday, July 23rd 2010, 4:39pm


You know, I think we worry whatever our situation. At the moment I worry that M is too attached to me because she never spends time alone with anyone else. Remember in the beginning how you fretted when your DH wasn;t doing anything for TJ and you had to do everything yourself? Now look at how much he does! Wow, how things have changed. And how, in another few months' time they will probably ahve changed again and the worries you ahve now won't be there (even though others may have replaced them).
The economic situation in the country sucks at the moment and it is tough that you can't spend as much time with him as you would like... but I am sure that TJ still knows who is mummy is and loves you dearly. You probably never caught up on your rest post-birth before going back to work full time so I am sure you have cumulative fatigue. I am also sure that things will get better on this front and soon you will be able to cope again with looking after your little boy adn spending time with him at the weekends. IN the meantime, try looking at all the good points about your situation - you can be proud of yourself for providing for your little family, you now have more space to live in than you did when TJ was first born and I bet your DH has a lovely lovely relationship with him. Don;t be so hard on yourself xx

me 38, DP 44, ttc since 2005
BFP May 07 - HB seen @ 8 wks but CRL only 7 weeks, m/c @ 9 wks
BFP Jan 08 -m/c @ 11 wks (D&C)
BFP Jun 08 - early loss
BFP Dec 08 - HB & CRL ok @ 8 wks, but sac too small, m/c @ 9 wks
BFP Apr 09 - Martha born 9th Jan 2010
BFP Feb 12 - Eliza born 13th Oct 2012


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    United Kingdom

Posts: 3,405

Reg: Jul 29th 2008

Location: Berkshire

Children: 1 beautiful little son conceived through ICSI and one equally beautiful little boy concieved naturally!

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Friday, July 23rd 2010, 6:04pm

Aw Pammy, you are NOT a bad mum you are an excellent mummy just look how hard you are working to support him, you are sacrificing your time with him to give him a stable family life and that shows just how much you love him and just how great a mum you are. I know it must be horrible right now but something has to come up for DH sooner or later and then you can go back to looking after TJ full time, and you've got some time off coming so you can re-aquaint yourself with TJ's routine and won't feel quite so much like an outsider. I agree with Jensqui you've not had time to recover properly from the birth and then you were sick with worry about your situation and now you're working hard, of course you're going to feel too tired when you have your days off to do much. The reason you find it harder to cope now is because you're unfamilier with his daily routine whereas before you were creating his routine, once you start to spend more time with him again it will all come back to you and it will get much easier.

Maybe you could do like my DH does, he has a specific task each day as he only sees him for an hour a day as well. On his work days he has breakfast as his task, I make his breakfast and leave DH to feed him while I have a bath and get dressed. Then on the days that DH is home he feeds him all his meals and gives him his bath, again I make the meals and DH just feeds him as DH is usually pretty tired and doesn't really know how to make his meals so I do it and DH has the fun part. Because I'm doing all the legwork it's not so tiring for DH but he gets a really fun activity to do with J (especially the bath at weekends) so J always remembers him as the one who does the fun stuff.

ICSI BFP DS1 born Nov 09
Natural BFP DS2 born Sept 11

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