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biggreeneyes

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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 5:02pm

What am I doing wrong?

What am I doing so wrong?

Most of the time B is bf-ing fine and happy contented and sleepy, but sometimes he just feeds and feeds bit gets agitated and keeps coming off onto my nipples which are really sore. Then he gets annoyed when we have to latch him on properly again! He is fallng asleep on the breast but as soon as he comes off he's awake and crying again... I just feel useless and what I'm doing isn't right. I've been in tears for the lastcouple of hours and just feel like a rubbish mum :tears: Im winding him, I'm changing him and then trying to feed him again but it just doesn't seem to work. I get frustrated andthen I feel terribly guilty for having those feelings at all.

I feel like I'm going mad.


goodgreen

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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 5:17pm

Oh BGE, you are a fab mum!!!! You really are.
I'm not sure what the problem is, but for the short while I BF, I had the same problem with one of my girls. I think she was getting tired.
Hopefully someone will be along soon to put your mind at ease.
Again, you are an absolutely wonderful mum, and well done to you for having a content baby most of the time.
:hugs:
M
x

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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 5:28pm

Oh BGE - have a bigggggg :hugs: As Mavis said, I've no doubt you're doing brilliantly. Don't forget you and your little man are both finding your feet and it takes time, you WILL get there. so many of my friends had problems in those early days and now whip their boobs out and baby latches on without thinking about it. Keep at it honey, days like these will pass. I did have to start using bottles (with expressed milk) fairly early on but then I had two babies doing nipple damage!....ooh I was sore! - I hope you've got some lansinoh cream - it really does help...if you don't, I have a half used tube if you want it!

Have you been discharged from your community midwives yet? Do get advice from them or your HV - they really can help and give you hands on advice (literally!)

I hope things improve honey....as I say hang in there, you're doing a grand job and do remember it will get easier!

bigkiss



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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 5:43pm

I am sure that Chris or Bells will be around soon to give you some good advice. My advice would be to get yourself to a breastfeeding clinic / group for and ask there.

We had latching difficulties for a few weeks as M's mouth was small and my nipples are big but eventually we got there and the soreness disappeared. Whatever is going on it is most certainly NOT YOUR FAULT. Breastfeeding is something we have to learn - back in those tribal cavemen days women grew up watching other people bf but these days we have no experience until we have to do it! And our boobs are covered up, not exposed to the elements so it takes a while for those nipples to toughen up....now mine are like old leather (well, not quite, but you get my meaning) and able to withstand all kinds of bf antics from M.

you are doing brilliantly, keep at it and I promise it will get easier xxx


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biggreeneyes

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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 5:44pm

The midwife was really happy with him and his latching on skills!!! But I wonder if he then started pulling back onto the nipple. My nipples are only sore cos a horrible healthcare assistantin hospital forced me to feed for 5 hours nonstop when he obviously wasn't latching on properly and I had no milk cos of loss of blood and other complication.

Each day at least once my breasts become very painful and sore and tender, then it passes Fter an hour or two... What is this?

Dh has taken b for a walk in the sling. I just don't feel able to cope with not being able to make him happy. Why is this all so hard? X


goodgreen

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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 5:46pm

Thank Jen. Am going to drop in bf session tomorrow. X


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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 6:36pm

Hi BGE you are not doing anything wrong, J used to do this he would suck and suck and suck for hours every time I took him off he'd wail and start rooting again but once he was really tired he would suck, then wail, then suck, then wail.

Sucking is very, very comforting for babies and they use it to fall asleep (as babies don't know how to fall asleep on their own initially) so he's not really after milk he's after the comfort of sucking but he keeps getting milk which is keeping him awake because he's having to swallow so he comes off and wails before trying again with the same result. I don't really have any great advice on how to get round this only what worked with J, you could try a dummy or you could try letting him suck your well manicured finger (J wouldn't use a dummy but would suck my finger for hours) You could also try dancing with him in a dark room (rocking is also comforting) or taking him for a walk in the sling as your dh has done.

I know it's hard, at the moment no one can make him happy because everything is so new and different for him and he has to come to terms with that. Once he's got used to things he'll be easier to settle and less fussy and you can then get into a routine so you know what he's going to want in advance of him wanting it. Keep going you're doing a brilliant job.


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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 7:13pm

Afraid I don't really have any advice but just wanted to offer a big :hugs: I'm sure you are doing brilliantly. :D you will get there and I'm sure the bf group will offer invaluable support. We all feel inadequate and tearful sone days. Hormones eh! Things will get better my lovely.

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biggreeneyes

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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 7:59pm

Thanks Bry-nice hug.

Thanks Grace too. Your post was very reassuring and makes sense. He does just want to be on my breast bless him, but as you say when he comes off he's awake again! He won't be put down at all, so it's exhausting. I love him to pieces and just want to make him happy and content, but I guess itmust be pretty daunting in the outside world. It's so hard though!

Xx


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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 9:20pm

He loves being at your breast, why wouldn't he?? ^^

You are the most comforting thing in his entire world. You smell great, your breast comforts him and he's never more content than while he's suckling. The problem, as Grace says, is that the pesky milk keeps coming out regardless of whether he's hungry and that's keeping him awake.

So, the problem is that your baby is tired out, he's sucking himself to sleep and then he gets woken... and the cycle starts again. It makes you sore and him grouchy! The good news? (there 'is' good news!) is that these comfort suckers really do make for cracking milk supplies.

Will it last forever? Nope! I'm not sure how old he is (get a ticker!!) but he's pretty much brand new and constant sucking is perfectly totally normal. It doesn't mean it's easy, it just means you're not doing anything wrong. There's nothing in the world wrong with giving a sucky baby a dummy to suck on and there's nothing wrong with handing him to Dad, getting in the car and taking yourself off out for an hour. I used to find that Asda/Tesco was a good bet. It's open all night and you can walk around gazing at shelves and getting your breath back!

It really will get better and WELL DONE for persevering!!





biggreeneyes

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Wednesday, July 28th 2010, 10:34pm

Thanks Bells. You are all helping me feel less useless and crap. He is 2 weeks old today and we had a rough ride getting the bf going with my milk being so delayed because i was so ill. But I was determined to bf and am determined but it certainly isn't easy!!

We are wondering if he has a bit of colic. The last 3 evenings have been worst. He just seems uncomfortable and inconsolable :(

We tried a dummy this eve, he wasn't too impressed!!


goodgreen

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Thursday, July 29th 2010, 10:25am

Hi BGE

Firstly congratulations and hope you are feeling a bit better after your not so nice start. Secondly well done for perserving with the breast feeding I am not sure how I will get on. I don't have any experience myself but lots of my friends have said what Bells said whereby the baby is using you as a pacifier and they found by giving them a dummy it seemed to do the trick and they would only use you for the food!!! I hope you get on ok xxxxxxx
Jo
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biggreeneyes

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Thursday, July 29th 2010, 10:46am

Thanks jojo. He's still not going for the dummy and dh's finger is ok for a short time!

Had a really difficult night. B just seems so distruaught and is screaming. Even feeding isn't good as he seems uncomfortable. Last night he then did the loudest poo which looked like a huge relief. Poor thing, but it had been gong on for ages before that.

It's utterly heartwrenching. 3 days ago he was a happy baby and now he seems not to be :tears:


goodgreen

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Thursday, July 29th 2010, 3:47pm

For the first week babies can be a bit dopy from the birth (it's a bit traumatic for them too) then they wake up and really get to work with yelling and complaining that everything is new so it's not unusual for babies to suddenly change in the first week. If it's colic then he will be pulling his knees into his chest to indicate his tummy hurts, try gripe water or infacol and see if removing lactose from your diet helps (J had a mild lactose intolerance when he was really little but he seems to have outgrown it now). If he's arching his back and straightening his legs then he may have reflux (J had this as well) the only real solution for this is to keep him upright for 20 mins after each feed or tilt his bed up a bit to keep the acid in his tummy.

I remember the first time I managed to get J to sleep anywhere other than on dh or my's chest, it was 5am and he was 3 weeks old, I was sitting on the poof next to his moses basket (which was in the lounge) I was slumped semi sleeping over a pillow on my lap and J was in the moses basket sucking my finger. I woke when the sucking stopped and thought Oh god he's stopped sucking what's wrong, then I looked and realised he was asleep. I removed my finger and if I hadn't been so tired I think I would have done a little happy dance as he stayed asleep - he slept for an hour before waking up to eat. From that point forward he always went to sleep with my finger in his mouth and I managed to slowly move the time he went into his moses basket from 5am to 10pm, suddenly when he was about 4 months old he decided he no longer wanted to suck my finger any more and started to sleep on his own. I found that he only really liked sucking my finger is the nail was against his tongue rather than the roof of his mouth, this sometimes required me to be somewhat of a contorionist but i'm a big believer of using whatever works :)

I know you probably feel like you'll never sleep again but it does get better, they get less fractious and start to interact with you by smiling and wriggling - it's well worth the early weeks of torment.


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Thursday, July 29th 2010, 3:55pm

Hi BGE,
Just saw this thread today - my laptop's been poorly with a virus. Has your LO been feedig well up til yesterday?
If you're sure about your latch and positioning, a couple of things that can make a baby fuss and keep coming off and on again :-
1) Something delaying the letdown - could be he's just impatient and when the milk doesn't arrive immediately, he gets annoyed and comes off etc. This in turn makes you anxious - further slowing the letdown. Difficult, I know, but you'd then need to calm him (and yourself) down before trying again. The more relaxed you are, thr quicker the letdown will happen.
2) Thrush causes sore tender nipples and makes babies fuss a lot at the breast . Maybe ask your m/w or h/v to check. If you had a difficult time with bleeding and/or infection around delivery time, you're more prone to thrush.

Hope this helps. You're doing great sticking with it, and I'm sure it will all be much better soon.

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Thursday, July 29th 2010, 6:50pm

BGE, you are doing sooooo well - when I think what a difficult time you had bringing B into the world you are an absolute star to be so determined and sticking to the bf.

It really is hard, as everyone has said already. It's one thing to know that all B really wants to do is stay attached to you but hard in practice to deal with, especially when you aren't getting much sleep and are worrying about what might be wrong and whether you are making him happy.

As far as making him happy is concerned, just remember he is just sort of "surviving" right now. He's trying to adjust to life in the big, cold (I know it's the summer, but you know what I mean!), bright world which must be so completely overwhelming for him .... he's not that interested in being happy, just comfortable, safe, warm, not hungry, dry etc. I'm not sure I've explaining that very well but what I'm trying to say is don't beat yourself up about how happy / unhappy he seems because it's not probably anything to do with you but just him adjusting and dealing with all the new stuff he has to face in addition to any sorts of discomfort, "danger", coldness, hunger, dampness and whatnot that you are sorting out for him.

Having said that, of course if it looks like he might have colic or reflux then that won't be helping but again you can do stuff about that (to a greater or lesser extent) which will hopefully make him a little more comfy, poor little man.

I can't really help with B's sucking / coming off / getting back on again thing as we didn't really have that problem. We did struggle with latching on to begin with and I was getting really sore but the best best thing I did was decide to go back to bed with L for every feed. As it was the summer I could strip him off to his nappy, and me to my bra so we got lots of skin-to-skin, then we'd lie on our sides facing each other on the bed. I discovered that, in that position, L could get himself on without me needing to help (and probably making a mess of it in the process). We did it for quite a few weeks and by the time I decided to stop the latch was rock solid and I've been able to bf wherever I am ever since, without really thinking about it. The other great thing about going back to bed with him was that I got lots of rest myself. We would both drop off together quite often!

Sorry this is a bit of a rambling post. Jensqui's advice to get to a bf support group is spot on - they will be able to check your latch and give you lots of moral support - and confidence in your ability to do this. You are doing so well - just hang on in there because it honestly will get better.

Big :hugs:
Kitty
xx

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Thursday, July 29th 2010, 8:00pm

Hi BGE

I've no experience of breastfeeding but just wanted to send you lots of love & support. My sister struggled with breastfeeding but eventually her & my niece just clicked & it started working. You're doing so well after all you've been through. We're all here for you anytime.
:hugs:

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Friday, July 30th 2010, 6:40am

Hi BGE,
So sorry you are having difficulties. I have no further advice. I just wish I could come and give you a big hug and then pace the floor with your baby for a couple of hours while you have a nice bath and a sleep.

biggreeneyes

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Friday, July 30th 2010, 9:31am

Thank you all for your such kind and wise words. It means so much at times like these.

Well yday me and dh went along to a breastfeeding drop in session and we had the counsellor all to ourselves! We began to explain our situation and how desperate we were. I'd been in tears as we'd walked up there :( She asked his age and said, very normal and mentioned 'fussy evenings' and cluster feeding. She also checked our feeding and was happy with his latching and positioning etc and was just so reassuring and helpful. She said it probably wasnt colic so not to rush into giving any medicine unless more sure. She gave us a fantastic website to read about fussy evenings and it was spot on. www.kellymom.com (not fz endorsed site) I think it was. Just wish someone had given us the article before!

As a result of feeling that it's 'normal' for some babies this age to do this and feeling reassured the feeding is going well,wecame away much calmer and more positive. And we had a really good day :) He di want to feed loads in the evening, so that's what we did! Then overnight he fed nearly everyhour too which is more often than usual but we went with it and we had a very happy and contented baby. I hope today is as good.

Wow this parenting lark is so fuelled with emotion!! Thank you for all your help.

Next challenge is to get him to lie in his Moses basket for a short time!!

blowkiss


goodgreen

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Friday, July 30th 2010, 12:25pm

Hi Sweetie

Really pleased to hear you are having a better time and are feeling reassured.

Text me anytime if you need to.

Lots of love

Scarlett

xxxxxxxx

blowkiss


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Friday, July 30th 2010, 1:02pm

Biggreeneyes - hi, not spoken to you before so hope you dont mind me chipping in but just read the thread. You know what, it is amazing if you can bf for a while but I think the most important thing in the world is that you are both happy and rested. I breastfed for 6 months but topped up with expressed milk from a bottle as well. I had a c-section and I just didnt produce enough for my hungry baby (Im not saying that is you) The bottom line is you need to get some sleep in order for you to function properly too, look after yourself. Have you tried expressing? - just a suggestion that maybe at 11pm or whenever is babes late night feed that you could if you wanted to give him a bottle of expressed milk, then at least you may get a little rest yourself. Just a thought, each to their own. You know by about 3 months, my dd was having bf, formula and express milk! As long as they are fed thats the main thing. I hope it all sorts out for you and it will get easier x Well done for your resilience! :thumbup:
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Friday, July 30th 2010, 6:47pm

BGE, my DS was an evening cluster feeder for months so I know exactly how that works. The best thing I did, a couple of weeks in, was realise that all the baby routine books we had were just winding me up because DS had quite obviously not read a word of them. We put them all away and I just started going with the flow - just like you did yesterday.

I was soooo much happier after that! I was very lucky that DS put on lots of weight quite quickly so I was reassured that he was doing OK and just fed on demand without worrying about how long he was going between feeds.

Admittedly, sometimes I wouldn't feel so great when I was chatting to the other mums I know and finding that all their babies fed every 4 hours and slept through the night ... but I just had to remind myself that all babies are individuals and mine liked feeding very frequently!

So, you've done exactly the right thing, and if you can keep hold of that calm, reassured feeling, and try to stop worrying and just go with the flow, you'll feel better in yourself which is more than half the battle.

Well done, and keep us posted how B is doing (and how you are doing too, of course!).

blowkiss
Kitty
xx

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Friday, July 30th 2010, 8:33pm

Good to hear that you are feeling reassured! M was a cluster feeder. Well, still is except that now it isn't in the evening but the morning. Feeding on demand can be heavy going but, as you are discovering, going with the flow and not trying to fight it leads to a happy baby. In a few weeks you will probably find it has all settled into a pattern with cluster feeding still in the eve but sleeping a bit longer after that. Just be prepared for the odd growth spurt when, for a few days, it goes back to wanting to feed all the time. X


me 38, DP 44, ttc since 2005
BFP May 07 - HB seen @ 8 wks but CRL only 7 weeks, m/c @ 9 wks
BFP Jan 08 -m/c @ 11 wks (D&C)
BFP Jun 08 - early loss
BFP Dec 08 - HB & CRL ok @ 8 wks, but sac too small, m/c @ 9 wks
BFP Apr 09 - Martha born 9th Jan 2010
BFP Feb 12 - Eliza born 13th Oct 2012

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Saturday, July 31st 2010, 1:21am

Not such a great night.

B has fed all evening non stop and only sleeps for 5 mins in
between. I'm exhausted and also frustrated when he gets all irate grabbing at my nipples when I'm trying to give him food! I don't understand why he isn't sleeping? He must be tired?

I'm trying to go with the flow but it's really hard work to just keep going and going and going for hours on end. I feel so useless and unprepared for how hard this all is and I feel guilty for even feeling these things. I just want to be the best mummy to ben but it's just not that easy :tears:


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Saturday, July 31st 2010, 7:28am

Had about 2 hours sleep, if that.

I just don't feel I can satisfy B. He just won't fall asleep after a feed and I'm just literally going between boob to boob to boob. I feel so useless and like a shit mummy to him as I can't give him what he wants as I just don't know whathe does want.

I don't know what else I can do. I justfeel utterly rubbish.


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Saturday, July 31st 2010, 7:51am

Morning BGE, I'm not a mum and I've never breast fed so I can't help with that but reading your post mde me want to send you a big :hugs: . The fact that you are looking for help proves that you are not a bad mummy, just a very tired one!

When one of my sisters was BF she had some teats that she put over her nipples to help her son latch on. I'm not sure what they were or if they're still available as it was a long time ago but he did seem to find them easier and to feed for longer and she wasn't as sore.

Hope you have an easier day today and hat you both get a chance to catch up on some sleep too x

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Saturday, July 31st 2010, 8:12am

Hi BGE

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, you shouldn't, as much as you can't see it right now, you ARE doing a really good job! It is really hard in the early days and I remember being where you are now and just wishing my lo would sleep. My lo was also a cluster feeder. However, it sounds like you've got the latch sorted and that can be the most difficult bit for some so well done!!

I would go back to something Chris said about let down and needing to relax as much as possible. Do you feel let-down at all? Could you try feeding lying down maybe so at least whilst he is feeding constantly you can rest?

Also what Jensqui said about Growth spurts...they seem to happen all the time (and I remember wanting to punch anyone that said my lo was going through another growth spurt!!)

The other thing is it may be better to try to feed from just one boob, say for 2/3 hours (advice from a very wise woman...Bells!) rather than swapping between boob to boob. That way you can be sure he's getting the hindmilk that comes in later in the feed.

Good luck and just remember you are doing a fab job and it does get easier

X
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Saturday, July 31st 2010, 11:05pm

Had about 2 hours sleep, if that.

I just don't feel I can satisfy B. He just won't fall asleep after a feed and I'm just literally going between boob to boob to boob. I feel so useless and like a shit mummy to him as I can't give him what he wants as I just don't know whathe does want.

I don't know what else I can do. I justfeel utterly rubbish.
Sounds like a growth spurt. Normal, if exhausting. Keep yourself well-hydrated and well-fed. Anything with oats is supposed to be good for milk production. Personally I wouldn't add a bottle of formula even if you think he's not
satisfied as it can affect your supply quite dramatically. The best way
to increase supply is to feed as often as possible, which is exactly
what they do naturally when they have a growth spurt. I wouldn't bother expressing this early on either as it's a faff and not a good indication of supply, which often leads to unwarranted concern that you're not producing enough milk.

I had an always feeding, super sucky, cluster feeding and never sleeping baby. It does pass - although I used to want to punch people who told me that. :cross:
If he's weeing and pooing lots then you can be sure that there is plenty going in. It sounds as though you're doing just fine but don't be afraid to ask for more real-life support/advice if you are at all concerned.

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Sunday, August 1st 2010, 7:59am

Aaaww BGE, these early days are soooo hard. It WILL get easier really quickly honest. I agree with Philippa that you should try to feed from one boob only for 2-3 hours to make sure he is getting hindmilk. Also good to try is feeding lying down, even if you don't sleep, you are at least resting. I found that this got easier as DD2 got bigger and our latch got better. I also agree with Tessie that formula right now would have a negative effect on your supply so avoid it if you possibly can. Don't forget that he has been carried and held by his mum for 9 months. Your smell, the sound of your voice and the taste of your amniotic fluid (which tatses like breastmilk to him) is all he knows, why wouldn' he want to be close to you? However the other thing he knows is the sound of daddy's voice so if daddy took him for a walk for and hour in the afternoon so you could get your head down it might help.

You have had a major operation and then had to be awake 24 hours a day and learn a whole load of complicated new skills . Added to that, this little man holds your soul in his tiny hand. No wonder its hard. I can' think of anything to say that won't make you want to scream, but its the same for every new mum and it gets easier. Soon, I promise.

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Sunday, August 1st 2010, 9:04am

Aw BGE I don't have anything to add to the great advice you've already got except to say that you are a great mummy! I know how hard it is at the start but like everyone says it does get better and you then can't remember what it was like at the start. The worst thing about it is usually the fact that you just don't feel like you know what you are doing and become convinced that something is wrong or that you are doing something wrong, but remember that your lovely baby doesn't know any better than you and you are both learning this together.

J used to cluster feed between 4 and 10pm every night, if he wasnt' sucking he was screaming, then after 10pm he wanted to suck but didn't want milk and he would suck, scream, suck, scream over and over until he would fall asleep with exhaustion. This only lasted until he was a few weeks old then he went back to feeding normally but every now and again he would do it again for a day or two and by the time he was 8 weeks it stopped completely so it does and will get better. I also lived on 2 hours sleep in 24 for about 4 weeks but then as he got better and better I got more and more sleep. He also subsituted sucking at my boob for sucking my finger if he wanted to suck but didn't want to eat (I tried desparately to get him to take a dummy but he was having non of it) I lost count of the number of times I fell asleep with my finger in his mouth only to be woken an hour later by him frantically sucking on it because he was now hungry.

Trust me, once you get over this - and you will - you will find bfding so convenient: in a cafe and baby is a bit fussy? - give him a boob instant silence, need him to nap and he's resisting? lie on the bed with him and bf him to sleep.

Hope last night was a bit better.


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biggreeneyes

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Tuesday, August 10th 2010, 11:43pm

I'm feeling desperate and teRful again.

Ben has just been screaming inconsolably all evening. I've tried feeding him but each time he becomes agitated pulling at my nipples etc He seems to have bad wind which makes him squirm around a lot and screw his face up in pain and scream. He won't sleep so is super tired and nothing me or dh do is helping.

I am so tired I just need to sleep and he needs tobe constantly held and rocked etc...

I am just feeling terrible. What can we do to rrlieve his pain, poor thing.

He fights sleep all day as well. It feels awful that as his mum I can't settle him :tears:

this is happening most evenings :sadface:


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Greeny's trying for another little froggie diary!

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Wednesday, August 11th 2010, 10:48am

Oh BGE you deserve a medal for all you've been through so far.

It may be that he's not screaming in pain he might be screaming because he's tired the 2 sound very, very similar and it took until J was about 4 months old for me to be able to tell the difference (and even then not every time). Once babies are overtired then they just cannot sleep and they just scream and thrash and scream until eventually after hours they will fall asleep totally exhausted. All I can suggest is to go into a completely dark room, hold Ben high on your chest so his head can rest on your shoulder and sway or dance, try experimenting with swaying from side to side and back and forward - I know it's difficult but breath deeply yourself, produce a rythmic shush, shush, shush sound while patting him between the shoulders with your hand and try to make your mind as blank as you can as your tension will also make him yell louder. Babies like repetition so just keep on even if it doesn't seem to work straight away. It's worth knowing that there is something in parenting books called the arsenic hour which is usually around 5/6 pm where many babies seem to cry for no reason, no one know why, J did (although for considerably longer than an hour) and i used to spend quite some time in a dark room trying to get him to settle, thankfully this phase goes quite quickly, it got better by 8 weeks and had stopped completely by 12 weeks.

Honey if you're a bad mother then I'm a terrible one, if you read all my threads in the 0-1 year old section about sleep and napping you'll see that a lot of us have problems with babies that fight sleep day and night. All you can do is try to be patient in the knowledge that it will get better, it's nothing you are doing wrong but a process that his little brain is going through - once he's gone through this then it will stop and you find everything gets so, so much easier.

Oh and one more thing, have you tried a swing? I got all sorts of gadgets to try to settle J but none worked (rocking, vibrating and bouncing chairs!) the one thing I didn't get was a swing chair for some reason, then when he was about 6 months old and I was struggling to get him to take a nap I picked up his car seat (he was being rocked to sleep in it out of desparation) and was swinging it back and forth and there was instant silence - I tried a friends swing and he went out like a light and I so wish I'd known and bought one when he was a little baby.


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Wednesday, August 11th 2010, 5:45pm

Grace you are a sweetheart. Thankyou for all your support.

First day alone with him all day today and so far so good but am a little a xious about the evening!

I think you're right about him being overtired. He must be. Last night he eventually fell asleep on dh about half midnight for about 2 hours! Jjust don't know how to get him to sleep!

It's so hard to think that it will getbetter but I'm trying hard to convince myself of that

Xx


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Wednesday, August 11th 2010, 6:41pm

No worries BGE, I know how hard it is because J was exactly the same. Everyone told me it would get better and I didn't believe them, I couldn't see how it could - but you know what? it did. I can't even remember when it got better it just seemed that suddenly it wasn't so hard and now he's a little joy, sure he still has his moments but they are so much easier to handle and I don't feel so lost and useless.

The trouble is that at this age even he doesn't know how to get himself to sleep, you have to learn together and he doesn't realise you're trying to help him. I tried all sorts with J but the dark and dancing/swaying seemed to work the best. I think they like movement, anything that reminds them of being inside so I used to try to replicate the movement he must have had when he was inside and I was walking - it would take 5-10 minutes to work mind but it would eventually then you have to continue till you think he's gone to sleep (at least another 10 mins) and you can then sit down, if you're brave you can try to put him down at this point I never could with J as he would wake straight back up but I've seen other mums manage to put their baby down.

Hope this evening goes OK, don't have any expectations just get through each hour as it comes. Try to pre-empt the screaming, if you know he starts around a certain time then get yourself somewhere dark and quiet and see if you can help him to sleep - if that doesn't work then tomorrow try taking him out in his pram and make the most of the light evenings at the moment a screaming baby sounds so much quieter when you're outside and you will feel less isolated and much better in yourself.

I used to go and take dh for coffee every day (and spent a fortune) to get out of the house so I didn't have to listen to the screaming all day by myself. DH used to put him in his harness on his chest and he'd go to sleep while we had a coffee then I'd go home on my own for the afternoon shift until dh got home. Just getting out felt like I'd achieved something (other than getting up and dressed of course).

It will get better honey and you will then have the time of your life because they become so cute as they get more interactive :)


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Wednesday, August 11th 2010, 7:32pm

Hiya BGE



Congrats on becoming a mum,we've not spoken before so hope you don't mind me posting. I just wanted to say that Grace had a good point about the swing.Our twins were quite difficult in the early weeks and one or both of them spent time in the swing in the evening,just to give us a chance to eat a hot meal/have a shower etc.In fact we were going to buy another one but they did grow out of the really difficult phase! No we hardly use it,and not on the swing setting as they sleep upstairs and I don't want them falling asleep in it!



Also,Grace mentioned the arsenic hour,with DD 1 we called it the witching hour in our house (but it lasted more than an hour!),I used to just keep BF DD1,because I thought she was hungry,and then she'd be sick because she wasn't hungry! My mum and dad would come round to help in the eve if Dh was a work,and my dad would be singing and dangling noisy rattles etc in her face,not helpful at all.Really agree with Grace,find a dark and quiet place.After 12 weeks the witching hour was no more and she was in bed all happy by 7pm.





Newborns are really hard work,and I often think it's about survival rather than enjoyment,but the good times are just round the corner.



take care

xxxxxx

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Wednesday, August 11th 2010, 7:36pm

No one told me that you had to 'help' a baby fall asleep. I just assumed that they'd be tired and go to sleep. Some hope! Now I tell ALL my pregnant friends that you have to help them!

You've had some great advice on here and the one piece I would really echo is feeding in a dark room lying down on the bed. Usually the comfort and warmth of the feeding and the environment helps with the sleep. Then xfingers you can transfer him sleeping soundly to his cot. Oh and the walking thing. Crying ALWAYS sound quiter outside!

The other thing, and I know it must seem really early for this, is maybe to think about starting to introduce a bedtime and associated routine. We used to have hideous evenings - she used to cry like a banshee for hours and no walking/rocking/singing/feeding helped. Then we started putting her to bed at a 'proper' time, before she got to that overtired stage and, to be honest, we never looked back. I know its hard when we have husbands who are out working all day and maybe don't get to see bubs much, if at all, in the evening but I figured it was better that than us both coping with a screaming baby for hours. Bedtime is sometimes still as early as 6.15 depending on the day we've had and the amount of sleep (her and me!). Maybe worth thinking about? x

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Monday, August 23rd 2010, 9:34am

BGE

Reading your post takes me right back to my BF struggle, TJ fed perfect til he was 3 weeks old then it all turned into what sounds very similar to whats happening to you. TJ's problem was his sleep too. He wanted to use me to suck but didnt want the milk, He could stay awakw 8 hours at a time and obviously be shattered and screaming for hours as he just wouldnt sleep. I switched to bottles when he was 10 weeks old as I just couldnt cope any longer I still live with the guilt today I tried so so hard but gave in in the end.


Firstly you are doing so well I cant say that enough, Im not going to tell you not to feel guilty(not that you should as your a star) because I couldnt help feeling bad but want to say I do understand and I promise it will get better soon. TJ was around 3 months when he started sleeping through and a proper night sleep makes everything feel much better.
Just want to give you the biggest hug

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