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Jasper

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Thursday, September 9th 2010, 12:02pm

Feel like giving up :(

I feel like I am BF all day and its starting to get me down. I have managed to get out of bed and get dressed but DS screamed while I did as he just wanted more. I have been feeding him for hours on and off. This isn't unusual, every morning and evening I can hardly put him down as he seems to be constantly hungry. I am thinking of giving him formula to see if that satisfies him for longer. By the time I go to bed I feel drained an as if he has literally sucked the life out of me!!! Is this normal an will he ever feed regularly like a bottle fed baby????


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Thursday, September 9th 2010, 12:45pm

Hi Jasper

Yes he will feed less often and this isn't going to last forever. I had the same problem with my DD, she fed/wanted to be on my boob all day and evening. I can't remember when it started to get better but I'm pretty sure it was the first 6-8 weeks that were the hardest and I was shocked at the amount of time she spend on me but it is perfectly normal. You've probably got a growth spurt or two to get through but I promise it does get better and if I'm right it will start to get easier for you soon.

Good luck hun and I hope things improve for you soon.

xxx


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Thursday, September 9th 2010, 12:58pm

Exactly what PP says - I reckon it took 6-8 weeks for it to really settle down. The fact that he is feeding a lot is a good thing because it is establishing your supply. If you give formula now you will affect that and although it is possible to do combined feeding I think most people will agree that its the start of the end of breastfeeding.

What he is doing is completely normal. His stomach is tiny - no bigger than a marble - and he wants to feed regularly because it empties regularly. Formula fed babies can go longer between feeds because the milk is more 'bulky' and takes longer to break down in their stomachs. Your milk is completely designed for what your baby needs. When you're feeding him try and keep him awake by stripping him down or ticking his ears/toes. If he can take a good feed on board he is less likely to want to snack or graze constantly.

Are you getting out of the house much? I often found that a bracing walk helped both me and baby. And have you tried a sling/baby carrier? You may find that simply being close to you is enough to help him go that little bit longer. It also leaves you hands free to get on with other things.

It does get better and easier, honestly. You're doing great x

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Thursday, September 9th 2010, 1:05pm

Oh yes a baby sling is an excellent idea, I got one and found it fantastic I could even eat my tea while it was hot all be it with one hand! It also meant I could BF in public walking around with no problems or risk of anyone seeing anything.

xxx


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Thursday, September 9th 2010, 6:01pm

J was the same he was attached pretty much all day every day and I would advise to just go with the flow, I know that right now you feel so tired and fed up and can't imagine ever having a lie in again but it it will happen as your boy gets bigger - don't try to do stuff, it can all wait! I don't think I did any housework for about 2 months and I had lots of stuff in the freezer that I could put in the oven one handed (pie and chips mostly) while holding J with the other.

I found with J that he wasn't always feeding, a lot of the time he was wanting comfort rather than food, sucking your boob is very, very comforting to him, as he gets older and more able to cope with the world around him (and more interested in it) he will require less comfort, I also found he would happily suck my finger instead so if my nipples got sore I would let him suck my finger (sometimes for hours) which gave him the same sense of comfort.

It will get better honey, no one will look down on you if you do want to swap to formula but he may still fuss if it's comfort he's after.


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Thursday, September 9th 2010, 9:58pm

:angry: :hairout :rant:
I just wrote a huuuuuuuuuuuuge reply and when I clicked to submit I was told I wasn't logged in --I WAS!!!!!!
I hope I can remember it all!!
:hugs: Hi Jasper!
I know that right now you can't see any light at the end of a seemingly never-ending tunnel!!
Your little man is doing exactly what all babies would like to do - he's being held close to the most important person in his world so he feels safe, and comforted, and as if that wasn't enough, he's also right beside the food cupboard!!
"Going with the flow" is a great way to successful breastfeeding, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to encourage him to take a proper feed, then have a bit of rest before he's hungry again. Stripping him to feed is a great idea, and making him hold your finger so you can give a pull to keep him feeding properly (lying down to feed can help too, plus it gives you a bit of rest.) When he starts doing short,"nibbly" sucks, he's not eating, so take him off and give him a cuddle, let him suck your figer if necessary. A sling is also useful, giving him comfort between feeds. And if he's happy sucking your finger, he's not hungry! You're not alone Jasper - all new mums find the first few weeks much harder than they expected. The unbelievable tiredness, the weight of responsibility,and wanting to do everything right can sometimes feel all too much. But it will get better - honestly :yes:
At 5-6 weeks, he's also probably having his first growth spurt. Constant feeding, particularly in the evenings, will boost your milk supply, then it should settle down again. Giving formula at this stage would interfere with the delicate supply/demand nature of breastfeeding, so try to resist the temptation. You're still getting to know your baby,and feeding is still getting established. I know it's hard now, but if you can stick with it, the rewards are fabulous, and make it all worthwhile.
The fact that you've asked for help here is evidence of your desire to continue b/f
Could you possibly see or speak to a b/f counsellor, or attend a b/f support group? You might find them helpful.
You are clearly a wonderful mummy. I hope we have given you the support you need.
Take care, x

This post has been edited 5 times, last edit by "Fi'smum" (Sep 9th 2010, 10:01pm)


Jasper

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Friday, September 10th 2010, 8:01am

Thanks for the replies and words of support and encouragement from you all. I sometimes woner how I would survive without FZ!!!



Since DS was born I have either gone out or had visitors everyday, apart from yesterday. I wonder if being on my own all day made me focus on quite how much he was feeding. I have also hurt my back so the constant picking up and putting down is a struggle and decided I needed a day at home to rest. My HV visited yesterday and told me that I can take Ibuprofen for the pain, despite the pharmacist telling me on Monday I couldn't. DH is home today and we are off to Bude until Monday (on a Sun £9.50 holiday!) so DH can do all the lifting and carrying. It also 4 days of nothing other than relaxing and if I am feeding all day I don't think it will feel like so much of an issue. I have borrowed a sling from SIL so I am going to work out how to use it this weekend so that I can use it next week if I need to.

I am so keen to continue BF and I thank you all for your support at the moments when I do feel like giving up. I am sure this won't be the last time, it seems to be one hurdle after another!!!!



The feeding may be all over the place but he is defintely establishing a sleep pattern. The last 4 nights he has slept 9pm-2am and then 3-5.30am, followed by naps and snacks until 9am. So atleast I know where I am with that. Lets hope the weekend away doesn't disrupt it too much!!!


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Friday, September 10th 2010, 10:41am

Hi Jasper,



I had similar problems with my little man, he's never fed for very long at a time (max 30mins) but would often go on just for comfort, which I didnt realise, just thought he was hungry, he used to feed hourly for months and it wasnt until the HV pointed out that this was way too much and had to be a comfort thing that I realised. It was awful, I was so tired all of the time and felt that I was constantly feeding. Its good that you're getting out though and it probably is the fact that you stayed in that made you realise how much you are feeding. I unfortunatley stayed in alone most of the time which really ended up getting me down. It will get better I promise and breastfeeding will become a lovely experience again, I'm still breastfeeding Aiden now at 8 months and intend to carry on until he's at least a year old (although I have started to give him the odd Aptimal as I dont have enough milk anymore to express much more than a couple of oz). Great sleeping patterns tho for such a little one, mine was feeding hourly during the night as well! Keep up the good work, it sounds like you're doing brilliantly and you're bound to have the odd wobble, its prefectly natural. Hope you have a good break xx
Cheryl
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Friday, September 10th 2010, 11:31am

All sounding good then Jasper :) Enjoy your weekend away and try not to worry - you're doing a great job there!
Re the back pain - if you've been worrying about the feeding, you may not have been relaxing while feeding and making sure your back is well supported - kinda "sitting on the edge of the chair" stuff. Try to consciously relax completely once he's on and feeding, especially the shoulders - it's so easy to sit with hunched shoulders, leaning forward particularly if you're anxious. I think we've all done it at some point! :D

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Friday, September 10th 2010, 11:41am

Hi Jasper :) Sounds like all good then!
Re the back pain - (1) Ibuprofen and/or paracetamol are perfectly ok to take while b/f
(2) Check out your position when your feeding - is your back well supported or are you sometimes leaning forward, shoulders hunched up and tense? We've all done it at some point! :D It's very easy not to notice how you're sitting unless you make a conscious effort to relax back after Bailey's on and feeding.
You're doing a fab job there, so enjoy your weekend away - you deserve it! :)

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Friday, September 10th 2010, 11:44am

This happens with the first post every time I log in - it doesn't submit, then either I lose it or when I rewrite 2 posts come up! ?o(

Jasper

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Thursday, September 16th 2010, 1:16pm

Well here I am a week later feeling exactly the same!!! We have lost the great sleeping pattern we had, I think the weekend away disrupted him. I'm so tired after feeding atleast every 2 hours last night and what feels like all day today. I'm going to investigate a BF support group, and make sure I go out every day as today is another day in and here I am feeling down again.


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Thursday, September 16th 2010, 1:51pm

Oh Jasper,

Definately get yourself to a breastfeeding support group. They are great. You should also have a breastfeeding co ordinator who you can call for help too.

I live in the middle of no where so I make sure that we go out for a walk everyday. We go just up the road and sometimes down to the bridge near us. But I do need to get out.






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Jessica

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Thursday, September 16th 2010, 2:13pm

Jasper, I'm so sorry - it's tough isn't it.

Did you do an NCT antenatal class, or something similar? Did you manage to meet people who were due about the same time as you? If you did, are you still in touch with the group? Can you arrange to get together once or twice a week?

I did an NCT class and the 7 other girls on the course proved to be a real life saver after my LO was born. We met up (and still do) regularly throughout the week - coffee (and cake) at local cafes, round at each others' houses plus various activities once the babies were a bit older.

Sometimes I would feel very dispirited as my LO was a frequent feeder, day and night, and all the other babies seemed to feed less and sleep more (!) so I would start thinking that I wouldn't go out to see them as seeing them with their 4-hourly-feeding, all-night-sleeping babies would make me feel even worse. However, every time I thought this but went out anyway I ALWAYS came home feeling so much better. It always seemed the case that at least one of the others was also feeling down, or had run into difficulties with her baby and my belief that everyone else was doing much better than me was proved wrong. It wasn't that I was pleased someone else was having a hard time of it, just pleased that it wasn't only me. A lot of the feeling down, I think, is when you think you're doing 'worse' than anyone else but if you can get out and see people with babies the same age as yours I know you will find everyone is feeling pretty much the same way (to a greater or lesser degree, of course) and just knowing you aren't alone is incredibly comforting.

You are right that getting out of the house really helps. Somehow even if you have to do a long feed whilst you are out (have you fed in public yet?) it doesn't seem so bad as when you do it at home because you have people to talk to so you're less aware of how the time is going. Plus you have probably already found that your LO maybe won't demand as much milk simply because you are out and there are lots of distracting things going on around them.

Just try and hang on in there, if you can. 6 weeks is another growth spurt, but lots of mums say things get a lot better after 6 weeks. Are you getting smiles yet? Should be soon if not already!
Kitty
xx

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Jasper

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Thursday, September 16th 2010, 5:44pm

I'm planning on going to a BF group on Monday at the local childrens centre. I had to go out in the car today to try and get a break as other than my boobs its the only thing that soothes him!!! We went to the childrens centre to investigate booking the sensory room. Luckily it wasn't booked so we could go in there an then. DS enjoyed it for a few minutes and then wanted feeding again!!!! But atleast I felt more relaxed after looking at the lights and bubbles.

I did an NCT course and meet the girls every Wednesday. Next week I start a 6 week post natal course so that should help too. I have just sent an email to friend who doesn't work during the day and she is going to help keep me sane tomorrow.

Some of the NCT girls are starting to switch to formula an telling me how great it is. So I will keep coming back here for the support I need to keep going!!!


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Thursday, September 16th 2010, 5:51pm

It's tough to be determined when all around you are giving up but I have faith in you!

Can you book a baby sitter and then go to this 'sensory room' on your own? :snigger:

When mine were babies I would get asked what I wanted for Birthdays/Christmas and I always replied "a lie down in a dark room". People thought I was joking......!





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Sunday, September 19th 2010, 9:23pm

dear jasper

my son is 10 wks old now and still being exclusively breast fed. my LO hit growth spurts at 2 wks 4-5 wks about 7 wks one at 9 wks and on the last one i had a real crisis of faith. i telephoned my h v and she restored my faith, told me it was ok for me to give him 1 top up formula milk, should i need to, but the way bf works is demand and supply not supply and demand. she also mentioned that he will have another growth spurt before he's 12 wks and i was doing really well. she said after this next spurt coming up soon, breast feeding will get easier, as my body will have established how much milk i need to provide and he shouldnt have any more spurts after 12 wks. she also said really there is no point changing to formula as baby will still feed as much as he does on the boob with a bottle.

last 2 days have been good. 3 hourly spaces between feeds throughout the day and then he feeds between 9 pm and 9.30 pm, falling asleep at 10 pm and then waking between 2 and 3 am. so a good 4 -5 hrs sleep for me. the next feed is approx 6 am and back into 3 hourly. when he hits his next growth spurt, if its anything like the last he will be feeding 20 mins out of every hour and a half day and night for 3 to 4 days.

the way i look at it, is yes its hard, but anything worthwhile usually is. if i have information before an event (like growth spurts) then i can steel myself for it or try to prepare, whichever way you want to put it. forewarned is forearmed. the last thought is im quite a determined person and i went into this thinking if i start it, no matter what i dont want to give up. why start something if you going to quit, halfway through. exceptions are mastitis or nipples dropping off thru sorenes lol. mine are like leathery tentpegs now. even with sore sore nipples there is something so wonderful when you look down at your baby and hes looking up at you smiling round your nipple. absolutely breathtaking.

i think you are doing everything right and you should be very proud of yourself. be aware that your LO could may well have another 2 or 3 or 4 growth spurts before 12 weeks and on those 3 days and nights of absolute exhaustion try to remember there is light at the end of the tunnel and it wont last forever. i try to cancel life and just lie on the sofa with my boobs out all day and most of the evenings. my hubby is fantastic though and cooking and cleaning, looking after other 2 and keeping me well supplied with drinks and sandwiches every 3 hrs. another little tip which im sure you know already - when LO feeds, you feed and drink. even just 1 sandwiche and cup of water or whatever, will help with milk supply. dont know about you but im constantly hungry at the moment?

keep up the good work honey it wont last forever and you may find you miss it when he's eating big food and walking. you are doing so so well!!!!!

i am proud of you and you should be very proud of yourself

take care

xxxx
After a long hard infertility journey, i am now reluctantly done

Jasper

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Thursday, September 23rd 2010, 5:10pm

Just popped to read all your comments to keep me going!!!! It's still tough....he fed every 1.5 - 2 hours through the night and almost hourly today!


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