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GemH

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  • "GemH" started this thread

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:00am

What would you do? Offered an interview for a job which means we can just about survive financially but Id only work 21 hrs.

Hi All

Bit of a no brainer I think but Ive been offered an interview for a job working 21 hrs a week, I earn good wages but its still 9 grand less than I earn on full time wages, not taking into account the pro rata aspect, its also a huge step down career path wise but I dont really care about that so much, however will this affect me when I try to get another job once G starts school, which is the plan? I get no financial help from the ex. But G starts nursery in Jan (government funded) so Id just need a childminder for the few hours he wouldnt be there, though this would mean getting a childminder closer to home so upsetting him that way but it would be saving me a small fortune in child care costs. But most importantly Id get to spend loads more time with George, I miss him terribly when Im at work ALL bloody day. Working taxs credits would top it up greatly but it would still be tight financially.

However, the ex is saying that Im being selfish and dont have Gs best interests at heart due to the financial struggle it will cause us, now Im doubting. Do I waste half a days annual leave going for it or not? Time isnt waiting and G starts school in Jan 2013 which isnt as far away as you think, I have savings so I could wing it and spend some time with him before he goes to school then reassess it later. What would you do? Am I selfish?

Urgh! Whys it all so hard?! x




This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "GemH" (Jul 13th 2011, 11:02am)


GemH

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Posts: 2,814

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

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2

Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:03am

Although this all depends on me getting it ob! Little bit excited at the thought of spending more than 1 day a week with my bubba! x





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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:05am

I would defo go for it cause you never know you might not get it and situation solved or might get it and turn it down. You don't have to accept it but gives you more time to decide.

And I am sorry if this sounds harsh how dare your ex think he has any say in the matter when he gives nothing financially???????

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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:06am

If I could afford I would defo do it to spend more time with LO

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GemH

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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:09am

Hi Gemma

Yep that bit from the ex p@@sed me off big time too but he played me good an proper cos it got me thinking.

George will appreciate more time rather than money I think and it would be bloody tight financially but as long as the bills are paid I think well be ok. Knew it was a no brainer really just wanted someone else to agree. Thanks xx





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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:15am

I defo agree and when he starts paying he can have an input.

Defo go for it and take it from there.

Kids would definitely prefer time at his age rather than money and toys.x

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GemH

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:18am

So would Mummys too eh?! Lucky Ive been able to save so much from this job really, as I said it pays well and I have no social life so Ive been squirreling it away. Well survive, just got to get the job now , easy haha! x





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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:20am

Hi, I was a single parent from when DD was a baby until a couple of years ago. I cut down my work hours as much as I could to get by financially and spend more time with her and it was the right choice, they do grow up so fast and the pre school years are precious.
Good luck xx
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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:24am

I say go for the interview too. What have you got to loose? If you don't you will forever be wondering what would have happened if you did. And, forgive me but your ex is your ex, he has no say in YOUR life any more so he really ought to mind his own business (I am trying very hard to be polite here!). Isn't this the same idiot who was telling you you shouldn't work full time not that long ago? Pay him no mind, he is obviously just trying to get at you. As for the financial side, you cannot buy back your little boys early years when you are more financially stable in the future. You so obviously want to spend more time with him so if you can do it then you should. I work 20 hours and I love having the mix of time with my kids and time away. If they offer it you (which of course they will if they are sensible) then maybe the citizens advice burea can advise on what other benefits you might be entitled to.

GemH

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

Children: George 21/11/2008 - my surprise natural bfp. Oliver 09/05/2013 - my little happy chappy

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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 11:44am

Thank you lovely ladies :)

Yes MrsJ same numpty, its just any excuse to have a pop, deep down I know that and Im immune to most of it now but I hate being told G is suffering when Im doing my best. Went on direct gov and did a rough calculation Im thrifty and cheap to run, well survive. Im in the same mind I cant buy back time, hes already more littlebou than baby and I really do miss him. Everyone fingers and toes crossed please!?

Ruby & Biscuit - thank you its nice to know from people who are further along, no one I know is a single parent and juggling it all so its hard to get an opinion iykwim?

xx





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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 12:15pm

I agree with the girls ... go for it ... you can't get the time back when G is older. I work 18.5 hours and it's plenty -- your paying job is only a small job compared to your proper job --- being a Mum :-) . If you can get by financially go for it.

Fingers crossed
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GemH

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

Children: George 21/11/2008 - my surprise natural bfp. Oliver 09/05/2013 - my little happy chappy

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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 12:32pm

Thank you Bluey! I really do only see it as a means to an end (ie living) ooh its so exciting!! x





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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 3:07pm



I get no financial help from the ex.

However, the ex is saying that Im being selfish and dont have Gs best interests at heart


I have two words for your ex.... but being the polite person that I am (!) I'll expand them out.

You obviously DO have G's best interests at heart and if your ex did then you'd be getting a couple of hundred quid from in into your bank account every month, effectively making this decision a very easy one.

Everyone seems to have an image of life progressing along a certain track. You go to school, college, uni, get a job, buy a house, get married, have lovely holidays and then, when you're at the top of yoru financial game, have children and find supporting them effortless. Actually, for most people, having a young family is the time where you sacrifice spare cash, holidays, home improvements, car upgrades and a social life, tighten your belt and count the pennies. The very time that you don't want to be out at work is the time you most need the money....and something's got to give.

I say go for the job, watch the pennies for a couple of years and pick up again down the line. He'll soon be at school and you can increase your hours then. I'm just at the same stage and am just increasing my working hours in line with my girls getting older and not needing me quite so much. As G gets older he will 'need' you around less and as he does, you can increase your work and your income. For now, follow your gut and your heart. Stuff your ex.

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Wednesday, July 13th 2011, 7:40pm

Wow what a fantastic opportunity you have GemH :-) It seems to me you would really want to go for it so go for it! It will be lovely to spend more time with your little boy and I am sure you will manage financially as well. There are also a lot of fun ways to save some money like cooking all meals at home (with him as chef assistant of course) or cycling to work and nursery etc. (Huh I hope I didn't sound patronising these are all things I am doing/plan to do myself).

As for your ex... others have said it all.

Rianon

GemH

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

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Thursday, July 14th 2011, 8:38am

Thank you for your replies.

Rianon no not patronising at all, fortunately I do cook all meals at home (as well as treats and cakes too, he is the head baker on that front and even has a special pinny and a tendency for pink icing ) so Im fairly frugal on that front, I also like the fact that i can make £5 of meat etc into about 8 dinners! I shop around for fruit and veg and only buy a week at a time so as not to waste. My car is paid for, my insurance is until January so I can save for that in the meantime. Decided not to renew my mobile contract just yet as its an expense I probably dont need.

Thanks Bells you always talk sense, that is my way of thinking too, I need time now not later his little for such a short amount of time I dont want to miss anymore if I can help it. Hopefully by September this will be shorted out xfingers x





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Thursday, July 14th 2011, 1:25pm

Hi Gem



Im aware you dont know so please dont think im interfering i dont have any children but work in the Early Years area and advise and support parents with vaious things. I notice that you say your ex doesnt support little one so i just wanted to give you details of a website that others have found really useful around maintaince ect.. but please dont take offense and are aware that it is not my bussiness and dont know ins and outs ! :O

Child Maintenance Options - Information and Support on Child Maintenance
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GemH

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  • "GemH" started this thread

Posts: 2,814

Reg: Nov 27th 2006

Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

Children: George 21/11/2008 - my surprise natural bfp. Oliver 09/05/2013 - my little happy chappy

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Thursday, July 14th 2011, 8:48pm

Hi Nisey

Thank you for the info, Unfortunately due to some tax fiddles with the account (hes self employed) when I spoke to the child support people they said as he earnt under the tax threshold (according to his accounts) then I would be paying for a service to get nothing rom it. Im in a bit of a catch 22 tbh. I want G to see his daddy but its not really fair all this!

Thank you though Nisey Ive seen soilcitors and wasted my money on the like for nothing, its rubbish when he acts like super dad!! x





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Thursday, July 14th 2011, 8:52pm

oh im sorry to hear that mate. you are from my home town by the way a fellow Romford person! hope all works out ok xx
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Starting our ICI journey with donor sperm September11 :thumbsup: Changed mind :O it wasnt for us

Starting our adoption Journey November 11 excited again for the first time in ages !

GemH

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

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Thursday, July 14th 2011, 9:10pm

Oh hello neighbour!! Where do you work then (sorry Im nosey)? Im in Collier Row but you only know where that is if its local. I know its pants really but never mind eh!!? x





GemH

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

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Wednesday, August 3rd 2011, 8:03am

Well had the interview yesterday unfortunately didnt get it aparently I was second choice and should take consulation from the fact I was second after 75 applicants. Im gutted, I hate my job, hate the fact I dont get to spend any time with George. Spent last night in tears. All that worrying to not be good enough :( x





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Wednesday, August 3rd 2011, 8:09am

Oh dear, so sorry Gem. But you did so well to get where you did and there's no such thing as bad interview experience. And if the other person doesn't work out then they may get back in touch with you. In the meantime, are you still looking?

GemH

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Wednesday, August 3rd 2011, 8:16am

Im always looking and spend most of my evenings once George has gone to bed applying for jobs, Would have liked a break but sat there last night applying and looking still. Just took so long to get this interview. Urgh!! x





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Wednesday, August 3rd 2011, 9:36am

Sorry this one didn't work out, but now you have made the decision that you would be happy to take a pay cut so at least you wont have that to worry about next time. Sure a better job will come along soon.
xxxxxx :cuddle
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Wednesday, August 3rd 2011, 5:03pm

Good luck for another interwiev! Maybe you will find something even better :-) You are doing brilliantly!!

GemH

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Thursday, August 4th 2011, 9:04am

Thank you! Cracking on with it again. Suppose it would be better if I liked my job but I hate it, my bosses are awkward and like to shout a lot (not that I take it!) x





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Saturday, August 13th 2011, 7:22pm

Hi Gemma

So sorry to hear that you didnt get the job i used to live in Rise Park so i know where you are hehehe. Fingers crossed that you find something else soon!
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Thursday, September 22nd 2011, 12:45pm

JUst a quick update another interview on Monday in barking (so local) 3 days a week, better pay than the last one! Fingers crossed!! x

Aww just just round the corner really!





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Thursday, September 22nd 2011, 12:53pm

Good luck for the job hun.x

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Thursday, September 22nd 2011, 1:19pm

Yay! Good luck xxxxxxxxxxxx
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Age 40 so odds against me! :8o:

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Thursday, September 22nd 2011, 6:47pm

xfingers

GemH

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Friday, September 23rd 2011, 10:26am

Fanks ladies!!! Sooooo excited! x





GemH

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Wednesday, November 9th 2011, 12:53pm

I DID IT!!!! Had an interview yesterday morning, I thought it went really badly but I only went and got it, woo hoo!! All day Monday and then 3 mornings with Friday off, good money too!! Im so chuffing happy I could burst :) x





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Wednesday, November 9th 2011, 1:11pm

Well done!! That's brilliant news!!






Our miracle was born on 25.02.2010!!



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Wednesday, November 9th 2011, 1:14pm

Thats fanastic news- roll on spending more time with LO!!!!!!

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Wednesday, November 9th 2011, 1:58pm

Well done you!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
[zx126]
PCOS + poor mobility = ISCI April 11

Age 40 so odds against me! :8o:

xxxxx

:BFP: 24th April!!

Baby Lily arrived 16th Dec 2011


GemH

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Wednesday, November 9th 2011, 2:12pm

Thank you! Its come in the middle of a particulary poopy week too! x





mrsjasper

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Wednesday, November 9th 2011, 3:00pm

Thats great news Gem, well done. I do similar hours, all day Monday then another full day and a morning. Its nice to have the mix, plenty of time with my girlies but a chance to have a wee without an audience when I am at work too!

GemH

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

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Wednesday, November 9th 2011, 3:46pm

And have a hot cup of tea and a whole sandwich without the "sharing Mummy" which ob only applies to my food and not his :)

Also this week Ive had to work 7-6, fortunately G is on his holibobs with his Daddy but it just highlights why I need to leave. Im meant to work 8-5 :( x





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Wednesday, November 9th 2011, 10:16pm

Well done you...I hope this new job is everything you want it to be & makes you happy x

GemH

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Location: Romford - Me 30. MC @ 14 wks Aug 03. 7 courses of Clomid all bfn, waiting for af to start iui when shock natural bfp. M/C 29/06/2010.Separated from ex-DH in 07/10. In a new(ish) relationship with an old friend and ttc no 2 :)

Children: George 21/11/2008 - my surprise natural bfp. Oliver 09/05/2013 - my little happy chappy

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40

Monday, November 28th 2011, 12:12pm

Thanks Lynne, I hope so soon! Start date of the 12th December, also I get 35 days a year leave, compared to 28 atm! Cant be bad!! Excited and nervouse all at the same time!! :) x





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