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Grace

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Monday, March 12th 2012, 8:44pm

I'm so tired :(

Oh god I'm so tired that I'm now having difficulty functioning! twice in the last week I sent my dh to work with cheese and biscuits in his lunchbox except I forgot the biscuits so he got to work and discovered all he had was a box full of cheese :(

When we came home from hospital L went 3-4 hours between feeds overnight (2 hourly during the day), from about 3 months onwards he started to reduce the time between feeds so that now he only goes 1.5 to 2 hours between feeds and I don't think he's even hungry! - he now feeds randomly during the day and is impossible to predict, he also takes short feeds and I suspect he's just snacking rather than feeding properly but I can't get him to feed for longer.

He goes to bed at 6 and usually wakes about 8 maybe up to 8:30 and demands a feed (he's crying as we speak) at this point he will take a full feed and he will do so when he wakes again at 10-11pm, from that point onwards he will only take a top up feed, I know he's using me to fall asleep but I don't know why!. He can put himself to sleep and I have never breastfed him to sleep, at bedtime I put him in his cot and he's usually wriggling and playing with his feet and I just turn off the light and leave him to it and he goes off by himself, so why is he now refusing to do so later on in the night and demanding that I feed him back to sleep.

I don't know why I ask the hv's for advice as once again everything they suggested I've already tried (apart from giving formula as I've already told them I don't think he's hungry). I have even tried cc (even though he's a bit young) and this just means that he cries for 2 hours before reluctantly falling asleep only to wake an hour later and start again.

I'm just so tired and I don't know what to do, J used to wake 2 hourly to feed because of his reflux and once he started solids he then rapidly increased the time between night feeds but L is still reducing it. I'm going to die if I don't get proper sleep soon :(


ICSI BFP DS1 born Nov 09
Natural BFP DS2 born Sept 11

This post has been edited 1 times, last edit by "Grace" (Mar 12th 2012, 8:45pm)


Kitty

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Monday, March 12th 2012, 10:04pm

Oh Grace, I'm so sorry. You sound absolutely at the end of your tether, but the trouble with your situation is you just have to keep on going. :-( Is there anyway you could do some expressing and bus someone trustworthy in to get up to L through the night whilst you go elsewhere to get a good night's sleep?

I don't want to sound like I think the only solution is to throw money at the problem, but I know you know what you're doing - honestly you do, don't let exhaustion tell you otherwise! - and you'll have tried everything I could think of so do you think a night nanny might do the trick? I've heard, third hand, of people who claim they've been a real life saver and can get results remarkably quickly.

I wish I could suggest something sensible and free that I can guarantee will work. ?o(

Flic

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Tuesday, March 13th 2012, 12:53pm

Oh Grace. I'm so sorry you're so knackered.

I think a night nanny is a good idea. Even if its just for a few nights for you to catch up. It sounds like once your recharge your batteries you'll be away.

The only other thing I can say is that in a couple of weeks you will be starting weaning I'm guessing? The change in routine and having to work to eat may change something. I know that food doesn't make them sleep through but I think the change in routine does help more than anything.

If you think he's just snacking then what about waiting till he's really hungry for a feed? And distracting him with something else?

He's using you to fall asleep because he can! Why wouldn't he!? How about expressing like Kitty said and then maybe getting your DH to give him a feed and see how the change in person feeding him changes his sleep pattern?

Sending lots of love. xxx






Our miracle was born on 25.02.2010!!



Scarlett

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Tuesday, March 13th 2012, 2:34pm

Hey Grace,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're feeling so shattered and also how amazingly you're coping. I don't think I could do what you're doing AND make hubby's lunch too! Talking of hubby, is it possible for him to take the strain for a little while so that you can catch up? Also - do you have anyone who can babysit in the day for an hour here and there so you can catnap and at least claw a little sleep back? I understand how crushing and debilitating it is and although it's little comfort to you at the moment to say it will pass, it will and you'll remember the biscuits again. [zx108]


nn
1st IVF July 2008 BFN
2nd IVF Nov 2008 BFN
3rd DE IVF July 2009 BFP!
4th DE IVFJan 2012 BFN

5th FET April 2012 BFN



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Tuesday, March 13th 2012, 2:37pm

Have you tried baby rice to fill him up? Do you have a dummy?
3 X ICSI
Jessica Mae Duffety born sleeping on 9 January 2011 (21+2) - TS and HLHS
Holly and Elliot Duffety born on 16 October 2011 (25+6)
Natural Surprise - Matthew Evan Duffety born sleeping on 11 October 2013 (15+5)

Grace

Princess of the Universe

  • "Grace" started this thread
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Posts: 3,405

Reg: Jul 29th 2008

Location: Berkshire

Children: 1 beautiful little son conceived through ICSI and one equally beautiful little boy concieved naturally!

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Tuesday, March 13th 2012, 6:53pm

Thanks for the replies guys. I have already started weaning and L is increasing the amount he's eating all by himself (another hv suggestion was to make him take more food (like i'm going to forcefeed him)).

I did think of the night nanny option but if he's using me to fall asleep he's unlikely to do so with a bottle so it would just mean he'd eat his bottle (assuming he'd take it as J never would) and then wail. We did try on my birthday last year with some expressed milk and a night nanny so that I could have a birthday full nights sleep but he just ate his bottle and then wailed until I came and fed him - he didn't really want any more he just wanted me.

Ahh scarlet, if only! I do have a nanny that comes in one day a week but when she's here I do all the things I can't do when I've got my hands full, this week I was chopping down a tree and moving a chicken house (tree was in the way hence it had to be chopped). Then there's the washing, cleaning putting away etc. By the end of the day I'm actually more tired than usual (but with a strange feeling of satisfaction, I think it was the tree chopping).

If only he'd take a dummy, before I had children I was one of those people who tutted at parents who let their babies have dummies and then I had J, by the time he was a week old I was begging him to take one but he wouldn't, unfortunately L is just the same.

lmao This is to the idea of dh taking the strain! He's helpful in his own way but sadly this isn't one of them.

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Tuesday, March 13th 2012, 7:14pm

I am so sorry to hear that you are so exhausted and people have offered really good advice. I would recommend keeping trying with the dummy. I too, was someone who tutted them!! My LO wouldn't hear of her dummy at all, but I just kept giving her tasters every now and again and one day at around 5+ months she finally took it. It has been a lifesaver. I also have a little girl who falls asleep on me after a feed, but today I had a wisdom tooth out and simply couldn't feed her because I am on really strong painkillers. I thought it was going to be a nightmare, but I took myself off to bed and left DH to it and all was fine! Maybe it would be worth trying the night nanny anyway and see how things go. To be honest it will only work if you take yourself off to bed and let the nanny deal with it completely. I think we worry too much and find it difficult to take ourselves away, I know I do anyway! Or express and give your DH a bottle to give him - he will take it if he is hungry enough.

I hope things improve for you soon sweetie - it is exhausting. xxx

biggreeneyes

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Tuesday, March 13th 2012, 9:00pm

:hugs: Grace. I know only too well how awful lack of sleep can make you feel and how hard it is to keep functioning on a basic level, let alone with another child and trying to remember the vital bit of a packed lunch!!! Mind you, just tell your hubby the lunch is meant to be without biscuits as it is a 'diet' lunch, one with only protein :D

If you don't think it is hunger that is waking L, do you think it could be habit? Does he wake similar times each night? If this is a possibility, the baby whisperer has a method called 'Wake to sleep' (you can read about it on their forum) and it has been the only thing so far that made a differnce to my LO's sleep issues!!! He is older (20 months) and i have only just tried it a couple of weeks ago and it helped him stop waking at the same times every night...sadly, he then started teething badly follwed by a bug, follwed by another bug, so the last 3 weeks have been a nightmare again!n LOL! I don;t knwo if it is suitable for a 5 month old, but have a feeling it is - you basically go in and semi-wake them (about an hour before they would usually wake up - check this for L's age, as their sleep cycle might be shorter?) until they move slightly or sigh....gently rub their arm or whatever you feel is enough, but not too much, then leave them... Anyway have a read about it if you fancy giving it ago and if it might fit what's going on.

More huge hugs for you...i am practically ready for the looney bin after 20 months of crap and disturbed sleep, so really understand how you must be feeling :hugs: Hope you start getting more sleep soon, one way or another.

blowkiss


goodgreen

April 09-IVF-BFN :sadface:
Oct 09-ICSI - BFP :happy: - Little boy born on 14/07/10
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Oct 12 - ICSI - BFP - followed by mm/c (blighted ovum) :sadface:
April 13 - ICSI - BFN :sadface:
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Jan 14 - ICSI - BFN :sadface:
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Greeny's trying for another little froggie diary!

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Wednesday, March 14th 2012, 4:42pm

Hey hon,

Just take care of yourself please because I will worry. I am a worrier. Here is my letter to your DH

Dear Grace's DH,

Please make your own lunch. Your wife is very tired. While you're making yours you may as well make Grace's and pop it in the fridge. Make up a flask of whatever she likes better and leave that handy and on your way to work once or twice a week take J to the nursery/childminder that you have recently organised, so your wife can sleep when baby does (for just the next month or two until things settle down.) When you get home push the hoover round inside and then also outside hard into trees that need felling or chicken pens that need moving. When you've done that make dinner, kiss your wife and babies, bath everyone and put Grace to bed. You may get more sex. Or beer. Or both.

Yours sincerely,

Scarlett.


nn
1st IVF July 2008 BFN
2nd IVF Nov 2008 BFN
3rd DE IVF July 2009 BFP!
4th DE IVFJan 2012 BFN

5th FET April 2012 BFN



Gracie

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Thursday, March 15th 2012, 8:44pm

Oh Grace, just popping in with a big :hugs: I don't think I can offer any better or more sensible advice that has already been given. I hope things start to get easier soon.

Scarlett - You are hilarious! rotf

xxx






Me - 40 AMH 1.79, DH - 45
TTC since 04/06
6 x TX to date, inc 2 DIVF in Barcelona

One early loss, 04/09
Freya Grace arrived on 6/11/10 - Perfect at 6lb and 1/2 oz

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Poppy Ann arrived on 13/10/12 - Born at home weighing 6lb 12oz

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Fi'smum

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Friday, March 16th 2012, 12:38am

Hi Grace,
Oh dear! You are having a hard time! What's L's weight gain like? If he's feeding 2 hourly during the day and having some solids as well, he really shouldn't need milk during the night, at least not as often. Maybe try to make sure he gets high calorie solids, and when he wakens at night try just giving him water. It will probably be hard at first, as he won't like not getting boob, but if you can persevere, he may decide it's not worth waking up for.
And why on earth are you making up dh's lunchbox? Can't he do it himself? I totally agree with Scarlett - he needs to give you a lot more help or pay someone to do all the housework - you have enough to contend with!
How's J doing?
Love xx

Grace

Princess of the Universe

  • "Grace" started this thread
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Posts: 3,405

Reg: Jul 29th 2008

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Children: 1 beautiful little son conceived through ICSI and one equally beautiful little boy concieved naturally!

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Friday, March 16th 2012, 8:21pm

Hi Chris, he's bang on the 50th centile so his weight gain is good and I know he doesn't need the milk it's just getting HIM to accept that fact.

Scarlett/Chris, it sounds like a nice idea in principal until you see how my dh actually makes food. He can use an entire draw of cutlery making one sandwhich which I will then have to put in the dishwasher - so it's less painful to do it myself (that and the fact that if I let him he'd live on peanut butter sandwhiches or beans). He does try to help and often is very useful but then other times he thoughtfully goes out and buys the ingredients for a mothers day meal that he's planning to cook completely forgetting that I've now got gallstones (yay for that surprise!) and can't eat any of the things he's bought. I've not told him yet I don't want to burst his romantic bubble :(

L was so bad last night that I've had about 3 hours sleep and I threatened to put him in the shed with the chickens (in the hope they'd bring him up as one of their own). Dh and I are going to decamp from our bedroom to sleep in the half finished building site of a spare bedroom to see if our absence helps L's sleeping. Knowing my luck on my way to L in the night I'll probably fall over the potatoes on the stairs which I've yet to plant out.

Fi'smum

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Saturday, March 17th 2012, 12:44am

Could your dh perhaps offer L water when he wakes in the night? Then he wouldn't be in close proximity to a boob to tempt him!
Dh could also load the dishwasher himself after he's made his peanut butter sandwiches. :thumbsup:
Or you could relocate to Dundee and I could help you. : D
Sorry about the gallstones. :-( I developed gallstones when Fi was 3 weeks old. Had my gallbladder removed when she was 9 months. I could have had the op sooner but I didn't want to give up b/f and the ward sister wouldn't let me bring Fi in with me. This of course was in the days before laparoscopic surgery, and I was in hospital for 5 days. It's a much simpler op nowadays, you're not in hospital for too long, and recovery is much quicker.
Take care,
Love, xx

Scarlett

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Saturday, March 17th 2012, 9:56am

Hello!

I'm sorry to hear about your gallstones hon :hugs: it's all hitting you at once at the minute isn't it? I feel your hubby pain I really do. Although my DH is very good generally, he's rubbish at cooking, he also will use every pan, surface, knife, fork and spoon in the kitchen to make a boiled egg. :snigger:

We've got our spuds all sprouting and ready in a bowl in the kitchen but haven't planted them out yet either. Let me know when you plan to do yours and I shall join you in a plantathon! If the chickens take to L, kindly let me know and I'll let them have a go with William once or twice a week lol. Or even buy my own chickens! Cheeper (groan) than traditional childcare!

Thinking of you and hoping for peaceful nights soon,

Love S xx


nn
1st IVF July 2008 BFN
2nd IVF Nov 2008 BFN
3rd DE IVF July 2009 BFP!
4th DE IVFJan 2012 BFN

5th FET April 2012 BFN



Grace

Princess of the Universe

  • "Grace" started this thread
  • United Kingdom

Posts: 3,405

Reg: Jul 29th 2008

Location: Berkshire

Children: 1 beautiful little son conceived through ICSI and one equally beautiful little boy concieved naturally!

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Wednesday, April 11th 2012, 8:53pm

Sorry Scarlet I forgot to warn you i've planted my potatoes - then the frost came so they are probably all dead but hey ho!

Well, things have not got noticably better but I have now ruled out a few more strategies - water and formula don't work, waking to sleep didn't work (it didn't work with J either I suspect I'm doing it wrong). Finally i've been cc him to try to rid him of his pit stops and it's kind of worked in that he still wakes up 2 hourly but most of the time he'll just grot for 10-15 mins before re-settling himself (see he can do it) until between 2 and 3am when he does insist on a top up - unfortunatly he now wakes up at 4:30 and decides that it's time to get up and nothing will pursuade him to go back to sleep so now I'm getting even less sleep :(

I think it's possible that I may be going insane! I found myself talking to the rose bush this morning apologising for cutting bits off it - well they were dead - I also found myself trying to put marmite on my breakfast cereal instead of milk, I'm still not entirely sure why.


ICSI BFP DS1 born Nov 09
Natural BFP DS2 born Sept 11




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