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  • "Snoopy30" started this thread

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Monday, January 21st 2013, 3:26pm

Nursery for 12 month old! Wobbles & don't know what to do!

Hello all

I need advice! I returned to work in October for 3 days pw when Chloe was 10 months & I was lucky enough that my mum & my MIL helped with childcare. Work have now insisted that I go back 4 days a week & we are putting C in nursery 1 or 2 days a week. We've found a nursery which has been recommended by a number of people, & C has had two settling in sessions. The first was about an hour, & today was about 2 hrs. However, I am having HUGE wobbles.

C cried today & they couldn't settle her & when I went to pick her up, I could tell she was really upset as she was catching with breath (make sense?). On this settling in session, I was still in the nursery but in another room, but I really don't want her to go now! I am assuming that it's normal to feel like this???

I've always said that I want C to go to nursery as it will be amazing for C's development as she is such a social baby & will give her additional stimulation that she won't necessary get at her grandparents. BUT, she was upset, which upset me. If we don't take her to nursery, we are a bit stuck on childcare as my MIL always made it clear that her having C was a short term arrangement! I don't like the thought of Childminders & neither does Mr Snoop!

I just need advice & a bit of a shoulder to cry on! Please tell me that this is normal for C to be upset, & also for me to be having second thoughts about putting her in nursery! I feel such a bad mummy & I cried all the way home from nursery & then sobbed when I got home, much to the amusement of C as she was laughing at me!

C has to go back on Wednesday for her final settling in session, which is for 3 hours & I have to leave the building, but that's fine as I have to go to work! Please can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with it & what to do???

Thank you

From a very tearful Snoop, who feels like a bad mummy :sniff:

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Monday, January 21st 2013, 3:52pm

I know how you are feeling. DS is now 27 months old. I returned to work when he was 11 months old. DH & I don't have anyone nearby to help with childcare, so it had to be nursery or childminder. Found a wonderful nursery & took DS for settling in sessions. On his 2nd one, I had to leave him there for 30 mins & when I went back to collect him, I could hear him sobbing even before I had got through the door. I felt like the world's worst mum. It was so bad that when I took him to a local stay & play that afternoon, he was ok but I had to eat chocolate cake & was nearly sobbing on other mummy friends shoulders. I felt terrible, especially as I knew I had no choice but to send him to nursery.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, he soon settled in (although was reluctant to let go of mummy & would cry) & absolutely lives it. We worked out that if possible daddy would drop him & I would collect him. His key worker would say that any tears were short-lived. We would also sing "off we go to nursery" on the way round, working the names of the staff & other children into the song.

One piece of advice I was given by a friend was to take his first day at nursery off work so that if I did have a mummy meltdown, it wasn't while I was driving or at work. I'm glad I did as he cried & I was a wreck. Got DH to call nursery mid-morning to see how he was as I didn't want to hear DS crying (not that he was).

Basically, all that waffle is just to say that you are not alone & the way you are feeling is perfectly normal. You are not a bad mummy. You are a mummy who wants to do her best for C & the fact that you were upset shows just how much you care.

Hope this helps.
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Snoopy30 (24.01.2013)

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Monday, January 21st 2013, 3:57pm

Snoop, I had this exact problem. I put my little man to crèche two mornings a week when h was 15 months, not because I had to work but because he was terribly clingy with me and didn't see many other children on a regular basis. It was very very hard, he cried and took ages to settle. The first few sessions he didn't settle at ll. it took maybe 2 months before he was happy to go in, he still cried when I left but the staff said he was fine after a few minutes.

He has just moved from the baby room to the toddler room in the last couple of weeks and it's like going back to the beginning again. Heart breaking tears from me and him. It's not easy and there have been times I've thought of not taking him back but in the long run I think it's healthy for them ns good for their development and social skills.

The staff told me children who go in every day find it much easier to adjust and those just doing a couple of days find it harder.

I'm sure Chloe will settle in time but it won't happen overnight. Your feelings are completely normal as it's only natural to hate seeing our little ones upset. On the plus side the staff will be used to this and will be able to comfort her if they see her unsure. I hope it works out for you x

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Monday, January 21st 2013, 4:58pm

It is hard I was a nursery nurse and I could see how hard it was especially for mums. Sometimes we suggested that dads or other close relatives dropped the children off for a while as they are settling and we often found the tears stopped straight away. Babies and children do pick up how parents are feeling and it makes it difficult.
Please do not feel bad this is very common and there are ways to help. Try sleeping with a blanket or soft toy and sending itin with him as having something with your smell can help.

I hope this is of some help and take care and don't be so hard on yourself! :hugs:

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Snoopy30 (24.01.2013)

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Monday, January 21st 2013, 10:16pm

Snoopy, I know exactly how you feel. My two go to nursery two days a week (they are now 27mths). Emilia walks in as though she owns the place, Oscar on the other hand still clings to me and screams, which breaks my heart every time I walk out of the door. However, I know within 10mins he is fine. One thing that helps is that all the way to the nursery I tell them that 'mummy will be back' and repeat this over and over, Oscar repeats it back and this seems to give him some comfort - I have always done this and believe in reassuring them in a consistent way.

I still find it hard, but I know that he is safe, looked after and that his distress is only for a short time.

As your LO grows up, you will get great pleasure from the chat on the way home, when you hear all about their day. They do so many lovely things at nursery and you are right, it is great for development. The tears are a tiny part of their day.

Take a deep breath and walk away when you drop her off at nursery and know that she will soon settle into a routine and start to enjoy it.

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Snoopy30 (24.01.2013)


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Monday, January 21st 2013, 10:44pm

We put our Little man into a private nursery almost a year ago,he only goes one day per week(tho with me being on Mat Leave i sometimes book an extra session for him just now)
He loves nursery,but everytime we take him he cries,when i say to him it's Monday today, he says yaaay nursery, i love nursery but still have the crying when we drop him off, the first few weeks i was so upset,i used to phone the nursery about 30 minutes after dropping him off to see how he was he was always fine and quickly settled within a few minutes and he never wants to come home at the end of the day!! The teachers say he stops crying by the time i've probably even reached my car in the carpark!
I do feel bad leaving him,probably hardened a bit to it now after all this time but i know he loves it, he always tells me all about it when he gets home, and who he has been playing with etc. Thing is the staff will be so used to dealing with it too.

My next problem is going to be in a few months when he moves to the school nursery,i'm sure he will be even worse when he starts there with it all being new to him, but deep down i know he will enjoy it.

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Snoopy30 (24.01.2013)



  • "Snoopy30" started this thread

Posts: 1,364

Reg: Jan 13th 2010

Location: Bristol

Children: 1 beautiful daughter, Chloe Faye

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Loving being a mummy to my beautiful baby girl

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Thursday, January 24th 2013, 8:05pm

Thank you all so much for the replies, it certainly helped!

Because C didn't have much lunch whilst there on Monday, I booked her in for her final settling session today instead of yesterday so she could stay for lunch again!

I took all your advice, I talked to C all the way there & explained that she will be playing with lots of children & making lots of new friends, not that she understood what I was saying!

Redwillow, I also took her favourite blanket for her afternoon snooze & her pink snuggle rabbit!

We arrived & I sat her on the floor & she crawled off straight away to explore (the first two visits she sat in the same place for 10 minutes). I settled her in & stayed for about 15 minutes & she was fine, but I made the mistake of saying & kissing her goodbye! I picked her up & she waved at the care workers & other children as she thought she was coming home with me :sniff: C started crying but her key worker picked her up & let her look out the window & I made a run for it!

Anyway, C was really good. She only cried for a few minutes after I left, she didn't eat much lunch but she did have an afternoon sleep, which other mums at work said was a positive thing as she was obviously relaxed enough to sleep!

All in all, today was lots better, so thank you all for your advice, it really really helped & I feel a lot more comfortable with the nursery & also leaving Chloe! I know when she starts going in for her two full days it's going to be hard & it will take some time for both of us to get used to it, but I am hoping it may not be as bad as I am expecting, well, I can always wish can't I!

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Friday, January 25th 2013, 1:35pm

Snoop - glad she is getting much better.

Lily was a nightmare at first when I took her to the childminder. She was a super clingy baby, even the grandparents couldn't hold her or she'd scream blue murder! At the settling-in session, the first 3 hour session was non-stop crying, second was non-stop if she could see the childminder, but okay if she was sat in a pushchair playing with something. Same for the third session.

Then D-Day came and I dropped her off for her first full day. She screamed when I handed her over, I ran away and before I had even made it into work (about a five minute drive), the childminder had sent me a pic over text of Lily not crying and playing with a toy. This routine went on for a few months until finally, she stopped crying at hand-over.

Nowadays, as we drive up to the childminders she will see the house and shout "yippee Fiona!!", run to the door, get a cuddle from the childminder and then runs off into the house without a backwards glance!

So I guess what I'm saying is that it does get better and then it will come to a time when C can't wait to go and play with her nursery friends and you'll be left there kind of missing the days when her world revolved around you and daddy.

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Friday, January 25th 2013, 4:48pm

hi snoop,

my LO goes to a childminder for 3 hours a week. i love the one to one he gets (and its cheaper than nursery). my little boy was very clingy and i was well aware that when he goes to nursery school he wll only be 3 yrs and 2 months (very young in my mind). i have known this lady for 11 years and known her properly whle she's childminding for 5 years. she takes 'her' children to the local mother and toddler group i go to. so i have been able to observe how patient and kind and animated she is towards 'her' children. since he has been going to her, his confidence has come on in leaps and bounds. he could already speak really well,but wouldnt concentrate on colours and numbers. now, he can name colours correctly and can count quite well. he has done baking, painting, collected leaves in the park and made collages. they spend hours playing with the shape sorters and half the time he doesnt want to come home when i go to collect him.

at first, we had to use dstraction techniques for me to leave and the first 3 sessions, he cried and kept asking for me, so she'd distract him with playdough or paint. now i can actually say goodbye and give him a kiss and hes "yeah see you later". she is OFSTED run and he has a record/observation book, which she fills in every week and returns back to me when i collect him. she has taken loads of photos of him and altogether its a fabulous experience for him and me. i would wholeheartedly recommend her, so would he! we say things like "do you love mummy" and he'll say "yes and i love stella!". at xmas, she bought him a xmas present and she says when 'her' chldren leave her, it can upset her as they have become an extension of her own family.

it was only meant to be short term, to get him out of the 'clingy stage' but now she's taken him until he starts nursery school in september.

im not trying to change your mind about nursery settings, just letting you know my experience of the alternative. my childminder only has at the most 2 babies and 1 toddler, so its a more personal experience. i honestly dont know what i'd do without those 3 hrs a week of 'me time'. just to shop or pay bills, without having to get him out of car seat, set buggy up, have demands of i want sweets please, then getting hm back in the car, putting the buggy down, sometimes tantrums cos he dont want to sit in his seat, you know. its 3 hours of bliss. even to be able to go to appts and not have to worry.and the best part of all, he loves it.

i hope your LO strts to settle soon, but if not, there are alternatives

take care, keep your chin up

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