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  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 512

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

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Wednesday, April 24th 2013, 9:47pm

leaving my very clingy baby with a childminder

I am going back to work in 4 months time :( I work 3 days a week which I did before I had C. my eldest L went to a nursery (and is now ready for school in September) but this time I feel soooo different about leaving my baby. L was totally ready for it when I went back to work when she was 9 months old....she settled in very easily but was used to being looked after my other family members and my husband but with C she is breastfed (never taken a bottle) and she co sleeps and to be perfectly honest I think DH is scared to look after her (shes 8 months old) I think because we have 2 now when we are out he always looks after L and I look after C. C is rarely with anyone else (mainly because she still breastfeeds a lot) and we are together 24 hrs a day. she is really content and happy (but 2bh she winges if not with me) I am frightened to death to leave her. The plan was to send L and C both to the same childminder and then the childminder would drop L off at school and pick her back up again - I felt happy that they would be together for part of the day but now we just found out which school L is going to we started looking for a childinder and there is only 1 available that does that school drop off! (and I don't like her!) so the only alternative is for L to go to school club and C to go to another childminder. How can I make this easier - I could cry thinking about it....I don't ever leave her and I get so much advice that I should start leaving her more but the first wimper and the person shes with (mainly DH) is straight back to me saying she needs feeding even when she doesn't (she eats 3 small solid meals a day) any advice?
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

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Reg: Aug 1st 2009

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Children: 4 boys 3 living 1 deceased

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Thursday, April 25th 2013, 8:31am

hi jen,

i started leaving my son with a childminder for that very reason. i was fortunate enough to have watched this childminder at work (so to speak) at the local mother and toddler group. and i had known her personally for years as my eldest was friends with her eldest. my son was also a little older. my worry was he is only going to be 3 and 3 months when he goes to nursery, and i didnt want him upset when leaving me. same situation as you in as much he was b/f, coslept (still comes into my bed at 6 am) and wouldnt stay with his dad.

going to the childminder has done wonders for him. on the first visit, she texted me 3 times to say yes he'd been crying, but she managed to distract him with toys etc, but hecried for me on and off throughout the session. (3 hours). the next week i received a text saying he cried for 5 mins, then only asked for me. by about the 5th session, i could say bye to him and he'd be fine. there was a stage when he cried and tantrummed when i returned cos he didnt want to leave stella! we worked out he didnt likw leaving before the other 2 children, so we extended his time by 15 mins so all the mums arrive together.

all i can suggest is you find someone whom you trust and like. if you wouldnt want to spend time with this woman, why would your kids.

originally, my child was to stay with her until he got over his clingy issues, but ive seen how his confidence has grown as a person and now he has been going for nearly a year. she has taught him his colours (he had issues with colours, wasnt interested) numbers, shape sorted, playdough, cutting skills (cutting playdough up) colouring, all sorts really.

and i love my 'me time' just paying bills without having to take a buggy, or unstrap him from carseat and have the ensuing tantrum when trying to get him back in the car. bliss!

i know youre worried, and it may take time, but she will settle. she will be absolutely fine :)

wishing you all the luck in the world

jade

xxxx
After a long hard infertility journey, i am now reluctantly done

sasha146

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Thursday, April 25th 2013, 12:56pm

Hi Jen

I'm not quite in the same position but my ds is very clingy and not good at going to other people, he has a complete melt down if anyone takes him even if i'm standing right next to him, I go back to work in 3 weeks and I have started a settling in period with a child minder, last week was the first week he went for an hour and an half and cried the whole time, not just a cry but sobbing the lot, think even the childminder was shocked, he went yesterday again for an hour and a half, this time my dh dropped him off, the childminder distracted him by making him a small snack, he cried for 10 min when he realised my dh was away then cried for 10 min just before he returned, so we went from 90 min of screaming the place down to 20 min of crying in the space of a week.
Could c go to the same childminder as l does at the mo then when l goes to school c will be settled in? Could you arrange with a childminder to do a long settling in period maybe starting with 20 min so by the time you go to work c is settled in and your not as stressed? Everyone keeps telling me it's normal at this age but it's still stressful isn't it.

x
ME 30 DH 37

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Reg: Apr 5th 2009

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Thursday, April 25th 2013, 9:09pm

I went back to work when my daughter turned 12 months and she was and still is a clingy child but she also managed to build a relationship with her childminder. For the first 6 weeks she did a lot of crying, I only work 2 days a week and in the evenings after she has gone to bed. I find that being with the childminder has also helped her to adapt and socialise. Become more independent in areas where she use to struggle. She is visually impaired and was a late walker, but she is coming on leaps and bounds now and has made friends at the minders and even when I recently has to cut my hours down massively at work, well, the hours just weren't there anymore, I still pay for her to come for the 15 hours a week because I also need my me time. I always do the grocery shop when she is there. I know right now it's scary, but it will get easier. It's just the first bit that's hard. Xx
Kimberley Sutton DIP Hyp cs.
Hypnotherapist, infertility and pregnancy specialist.
The Sutton Sanctuary: Home

My IVF ICSI Miracle is 2 : D

  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 512

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

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5

Friday, April 26th 2013, 2:57pm

thanks ladies for the reassurance. unfortunately there was only 1 childminder who could take them both and my first impression of her speaking to her on the phone was that she was really miserable. Maybe im being to hard but I really feel like I have to go with my instincts on this one. Everyone else I phoned had no vacancies however I do have a temporary solution. My mum (who lives just over an hr from us) has told me she was thinking of quitting her part time shop job and finding another job but would be happy to look after the girls instead of finding another job for now:) im delighted because I could think of no one better to look after the girls plus I get to see my mum more often. fortunately we just moved house and have a spare room so this will now become my mums room Monday - wed :) it wont be forever but I have arranged to see many of the other childminders who didn't have vacancies and will put my name down for a few and if/when they come up I can see if my mum still wants to carry on or not.... phew....feel much better for now! xxxxx
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

Posts: 760

Reg: Apr 5th 2009

Location: Leicestershire ~ East Midlands

Children: Megan. 2 Years

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Saturday, April 27th 2013, 3:52pm

That's great news, and a worry off your mind. I'm sure you will enjoy the break you get when you go back to work and no your little ones are well looked after xx
Kimberley Sutton DIP Hyp cs.
Hypnotherapist, infertility and pregnancy specialist.
The Sutton Sanctuary: Home

My IVF ICSI Miracle is 2 : D




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