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  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 512

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

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1

Friday, May 24th 2013, 9:16am

feeling so down about the thought of not breastfeeding my daughter

Hi Ladies :) I have been breastfeeding DD2 for almost 10 months. I really struggled to feed DD1 and after incredibly sore / bleeding nipples and a baby that just wailed at me 24/7 I threw in the towel at 4 weeks old (much much sooner than i'd hoped). Ever since then I was determined to breastfeed my next and read everything and anything for the next 3 years until my next (and final) baby arrived. I don't know why it was so important to me but I was going to breastfeed this baby no matter what. Luckily it came a lot easier this time around - perhaps through new found knowledge or perhaps just an easier baby to feed. I exclusively breastfeed and was fortunate enough to have a plentiful supply to donate for the first 6 months. Me and DD2 love our breastfeeding relationship and I can't imagine not sharing that with her but recently Ive been feeling so sad. We have reached 10 months and I am all so aware that I am back at work in 3 months and although I plan to keep feeding up until the age of 2, I know that it will probably naturally tail off and I just feel like im losing my identity and purpose. I love her tugging at my top, throwing her head back, pinching my skin and grabbing my hair. This last 10 months has flown and I know that probably within the next 10 months it will all be over :( I never prepared myself that I would feel like this. I felt intense guilt after giving up with DD1 but I thought once i'd made it this far I'd be happy to move on to the next stage. Ive been lately considering having one more baby but DH and I have always planned 2 and financially this is comfortable however I am sure this sudden change of heart is breastfeeding related and I am hoping this urge for another might pass...why do I feel so sad? is there anything I can do to feel happy about moving on when it does happen?
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

Bells

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Friday, May 24th 2013, 7:58pm

I think it's pretty normal to mourn the end of breastfeeding 'but', I think the thought of it is far worse than the actual process of stopping.

I was really into breastfeeding and I always thought that both of mine would be going to school with a flask of breastmilk but both of them self weaned and it felt okay.

I think it's a really good observation to say that you're worried about losing your identity and purpose. It's like when you're pregnant and you're part of a special club then you have your baby and you're straight into another special club. I think breastfeeding is the same, you're a breastfeeding Mum and you're part of a special little club in a very special bubble... what will happen when that's over? Well, you'll move on and find pride and satisfaction in the next thing. Instead of tugging at your top she may need to snuggle into you with her bedtime milk or she may have become a little comedienne and have you in stitches. Something great will happen and you'll find it easier to let go than you imagine.

You really WILL find it easier than you're expecting. I still get a pang when I pass a breastfeeding room, part of me still want to stick my head around the door and say "I used to do that!!!" .... but I don't : D

It's lovely that you're going to feed for as long as your little one wants to and nobody will ever be able to take that away from you. In ten years you may have decided to take up latin dancing or karate or maybe you'll have flying lessons and everyone will know you as Jen the Pilot. Who knows what your identity and purpose will be then? :) Don't worry, let it all happen and see where you end up.

  • "jen84288" started this thread

Posts: 512

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

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3

Friday, May 24th 2013, 9:29pm

thank you bells.

I think you've hit the nail on the head with the 'special little club' analogy. I have wanted to be part of that 'club' for the last 3 years and until now I was an outsider looking in. im just not ready to leave yet! :) Breastfeeding did not come naturally to me so this was my 'Everest' and i feel so pleased that i've given a second chance. I feel such a close connection and I don't want to lose that with her. I just hope that I can move on to something new but breastfeeding aside I feel that once C has weaned then I have moved on from my baby years and into the next stage which really makes me sad. I guess im like this with each and every stage of my life....it took me many years to mourn my uni days! :) xx
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08




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