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  • "Natural_Horse" started this thread

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Friday, May 24th 2013, 9:55am

Anxiety over weeing in potty

Hi all,

Looking for a bit of advice. I tried potty training my DD when she turned 2 as she had been showing signs for months. But even though she showed great understanding and bladder control, she became hysterical on the potty when she eventually would wee.

So I gave up, she was obviously not mentally ready.

Now I plan to try again at the end of August (that's when I can get time off work). She will be 31 months then. She is showing all the signs again, asks to sit on the potty each night before her bath but doesn't do anything.

She wants to wear her 'big girl pants' instead of a nappy and when I say "okay, but it you need to wee, you will need to do it on the potty", she becomes very upset and insists on wearing a nappy. She is clearly still anxious about weeing on the potty.

Does anyone have any advice on how to help her with this anxiety? Obviously if she is still anxious in August, I won't try to potty train her, but surely there is something that I can do between now and then to help her overcome her fears.

Please help! I know she can manage without nappies, if only she could get over her fear!

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Friday, May 24th 2013, 10:05am

My advice would be wait until she is dry at night and see if she will sit on potty as soon as she gets up she is more likely to pee then. When she does it once she will have a better understanding with plenty of rewards with stickers and a sweet. This is what worked for me anyway and only took 2 days. Good luck x


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  • "Natural_Horse" started this thread

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Friday, May 24th 2013, 10:12am

Thanks Kirstin. When I tried the first time, she would wee (only had two accidents in three days) on the potty and get rewards and stickers, chocolate, praise, etc and that didn't stop the panicking.

Not sure how to get past the fear.

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Friday, May 24th 2013, 11:36am

Have you tried her on the toilet?

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Friday, May 24th 2013, 3:31pm

Hi Polly,

I think I will use a toilet seat instead of a potty for the training. I have already started putting her on it before bath time. She never does anything though and I think that's more because she is too scared to wee.

She is not scared of the potty or toilet, more of the physical release of weeing without a nappy.

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Sunday, May 26th 2013, 6:17pm

I bought one of the toilet seats with steps up to it, both my two love it because they feel grown-up going to the toilet by themselves (with me there to help). Not sure if that will help, but thought it was worth mentioning. I also bought them both a book about potty training and kept it close to the potties, they loved looking at pictures of bigger boys and girls using the potty or toilet.

Good luck. We are tring to get Oscar potty trained at the moment too, slowly getting there!

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Sunday, May 26th 2013, 9:08pm

My LO wouldn't use the potty. Straight onto the loo! Got her a step so she could go herself and she holds on to the sides and goes.

She decided herself at Christmas that she didn't want to wear a nappy anymore because she was a big girl. I was hoping for longer because I expected loads of accidents but we had none! I think because she decided that's was it. I don't have to ask her if she needs the loo, she just goes!

I took a leaf out of Mrs Jaspers thread (no idea where is it!) and just didn't even mention it!!






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Sunday, May 26th 2013, 9:08pm

My LO wouldn't use the potty. Straight onto the loo! Got her a step so she could go herself and she holds on to the sides and goes.

She decided herself at Christmas that she didn't want to wear a nappy anymore because she was a big girl. I was hoping for longer because I expected loads of accidents but we had none! I think because she decided that's was it. I don't have to ask her if she needs the loo, she just goes!

I took a leaf out of Mrs Jaspers thread (no idea where is it!) and just didn't even mention it!!






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Wednesday, May 29th 2013, 8:18pm

Hi NH,

Maybe she needs to get over her anxiety first. You could try letting her run around in a skirt with or without pants especially if the weather will be nice and if she notices an "accident" is no big deal she will feel better about it and then can learn to do it in the potty.

I also just started potty training my daughter second time so I symphatise. Her favourite page from the potty book is the "ooopsy" page I think that helped her a great deal :-) She is also quite happy to produce "invisible wee" and get "invisible stickers" in return. It was her idea not mine but this way every time she sits on the potty is a success.

Was your daughter very sad when an accident happened? Or was she very scared when she actually did a wee in the potty?

Big hugs and good luck

xx Rianon

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Wednesday, May 29th 2013, 10:22pm

Hi rianon, she is distressed when she has to wee, but also didn't like having accidents but they didn't distress her. First attempt had virtually no accidents but she withheld her wee for as long as possible but then would panic as she wee'd on the potty.

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Thursday, May 30th 2013, 12:18am

Sounds very similar to my daughter. She was also holding back as long as she could but at least she was not distressed when she weed. Poor little mites after all it is expected of them to wee in the nappy and then we suddenly change our minds and want them to wee in the potty. My daughter loved looking at her book but from your post it seems you are already doing that. Why not just read the book now until August? My husband is also a lot more chilled then myself that helped loads we started on the bank holiday weekend. I had to train myself as well. When she didn't wee on the potty for a long time I became more and more anxious as worried it will happen later on the bus or wherever we went. I am sure it made her a lot more anxious as well. Once I started to chill she started to have her first we earlier in the morning! Today I just went out thinking well we have time as her first wee won't come before 11 when suddenly in the shop she told me she needs the potty. Lucky it was really empty at 9 :-) I don't think anyone noticed anything unusual. Are you secretly anxious like me? She might sense it.

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Thursday, May 30th 2013, 12:20am

I also found that explaining every little detail helped loads like I told her matter of factly that I am putting a towel on her pushchair in case of an "ooopsy".

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Thursday, May 30th 2013, 4:04pm

Hi Rianon - first time I had a week off work and was probably anxious about making some improvement during that week. We lasted 2.5 days of training, she became so distressed and I was in tears at the end as well!

I think I will try a few attempts of bare bum time before committing myself this time. I think I could try on the weekends (Sat-Mon) and if it goes well, then when home after the childminder, she can be nappy free before her bath.

Who knows maybe with just that short time, she will gain confidence and want to ditch the nappies herself? And if I do it only in short bursts each day or every other day, then there's no pressure to get it done straight away.

Anyway, that's my latest theory what do you think? I know they say to just ditch the nappies cold turkey and I tried that and it was just too traumatic for her.

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Thursday, May 30th 2013, 7:08pm

Hi, My DS is a few months older and we are only just starting to introduce a potty. We have had one around the house for ages and he showed no interest in it. He has recently seen other children using the potty at nursery and started wanting to sit on it, one day he suprised us by doing a little wee! That was a few weeks ago now and he uses the potty daily but only when prompted, most wees and all poos are in his nappy or pull ups. He completely understands the concept but I am just going at his pace which is very slowly but there really is no rush, and I fear that trying to rush things could mean going backwards. If I was you I wouldn't even set a date to try again, just take each day as it comes, one day she may just decide to do a wee! Does she go to nursery, will she see others using the potty and learn from them? At DS's nursrey they get a sticker if they wee on the potty and kids love stickers! I think you both have to be 100% ready if you decide to ditch the nappies and go cold turkey! Are you using pull ups, this could be a compromise to the pants? I have recently discovered how expensive they are tho!!!!


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Thursday, May 30th 2013, 8:39pm

Hi NH I like your approach although I have to say I am just a mum not a professional or nanny :-) But as your little girl's mum you know her best. It also didn't work for us first time so my approach was (like yours) that I would rather have a happy little girl then no nappies so I think it made me more relaxed. I heard of a friend's friend who tried several times which I think is a very wise approach why to suffer for months if you can just try it in short bouts. There are also other firneds who waited untilthe child initiated using the potty (usually sometime around 3-4 years old) and it worked great. I am happy though that I tried again now (at two and a half) as it seems to make my daughter very happy that she is a big girl. I also prepared better this time I think.

Like Jasper said I found the sticker appproach great. My daughter wanted the same stickers as in her book (stars but I bought teddy bears) so I ended up making home-made stickers from a label :-)

There's no harm in letting her run around with a bare bottom she will either wee or not during this time :-)

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Sunday, July 28th 2013, 9:27pm

Well for the last few months i have been doing the softly softly approach. Some nappy free time every other day for a few hours and even some dates with friends so that DD can see other toddlers use the potty. The anxiety is not getting any better! Today I found myself pinning her down on the potty for five minutes while she screamed before she finally did a wee. If I had let her get up she would of continued to hold it in. She had held it in for four hours already and was complaining of a sore tummy because of it. I just don't know what to do. Do I stop and leave it awhile (again) or do I bite the bullet and just go nappy free and hope that she just gets over her fear?

Please can someone help? Has anyone gone through this fear and if so, what helped?

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Monday, July 29th 2013, 6:11pm

Hi

Sorry to read what you and your LO are going through. I don't really have any useful advice but maybe it's worth speaking to your GP or HV about it?

If it was me I would be tempted to just pop her back in nappies and see if she decides to potty train herself, maybe it's just that she's not quite ready to go for it and it's just not worth you both getting so stressed out. My daughter has only been in pants for two weeks now and she's only a few weeks older than Lily. I'm afraid I was a very lazy trainer, I waited until Freya decided to do it for herself and a couple of afternoons playing naked in the garden seemed to help. After we'd had a few days of dry pull ups I bit the bullet and went for it and she's done really well. I must also confess I've used chocolate buttons as a reward (bad Mummy), I didn't properly think that one through! Although, have discovered that Hotel Chocolate Tiddly Pots milk buttons are TINY!

Sorry, that's not really any help is it but just thought I'd share my experience.

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Monday, July 29th 2013, 6:15pm

PS I'm sure you've thought of this but if not 'Princess Polly's Potty' is a fab little book!






Me - 40 AMH 1.79, DH - 45
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Monday, July 29th 2013, 6:31pm

Thanks for the response Gracie. I'm not ditching the nappies yet but have at least two hours a day in pants. Trying to not put any pressure on her and hope that she gets used to it and ask to wear pants herself. Not happening though after two months of this method.

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Monday, July 29th 2013, 6:31pm

Thanks for the response Gracie. I'm not ditching the nappies yet but have at least two hours a day in pants. Trying to not put any pressure on her and hope that she gets used to it and ask to wear pants herself. Not happening though after two months of this method.

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Monday, July 29th 2013, 9:41pm

I must also confess I've used chocolate buttons as a reward (bad Mummy), I didn't properly think that one through! Although, have discovered that Hotel Chocolate Tiddly Pots milk buttons are TINY!


That is exactly what our community paediatrician advised us to do with DD1, she had hearing problems and was delayed in a number of areas including potty training. We were told to use the treats technique after she had her hearing fixed but as it turned out I didn't bother with the chocolate because she was then ready and able to fully understand what was needed of her and communicate to me what she wanted to do. The idea of it is a positive association with using the potty or toilet and to not give that treat at any other time, only when its associated with the potty or toilet. For those that are scared of weeing or pooing in potties or toilets she said keep on the pull ups while he/she sits on the loo or potty, reward any thing done in the pull ups while on the loo. Over a few days gradually pull down the pull ups slightly each time he/she sits on the loo so eventually she can do it weeing straight in the loo and isn't scared any more. That technique worked for my friend whose son had got in such a state he would only wee and poo in pull ups in his bed, he used to cry in pain over holding it. My friend tried this technique and it worked in a matter of days for her, her son was about 3 and 3-4 months at the time.

There is part of me that thinks some children just aren't ready as early as others, my DD2 was regularly using the potty from 16 months, she was streets ahead of her big sister, it came so naturally to her. Having had a really early potty trainer and a very late one its made me see how different kids all are, they aren't all ready in the same scale as we want even if they are showing the signs of being ready it may be a bit much for them to get their head around.

Good luck I really hope you find something that works for you both.

xxx

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Monday, July 29th 2013, 11:37pm

Hi NH,

Sorry you are having a difficult time. I would not worry about it too much as it is such a lovely age why to spoil with something unpleasant for you both. She will get there eventually I promise and won't even remember ever being in nappies. Do you remember being in nappies? I don't :-) Just asked my mum how my potty training was and she said it was a long, difficult and painful process. However a lot of older kids just get it within one day. Luckily she does not need to be out of nappies for pre-school so there really is no stressing about it for you.

Big hugs,
Rianon xx

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Tuesday, July 30th 2013, 10:10am

Thank you both for the replies. We actually had a bit of an okay day yesterday. I wasn't doing anything, so spent most of the day in the house. She had no accidents but 3 wees in the potty and a poo! Each time I had to keep her sitting on the potty until she did the deed - she did cry but it wasn't hysterical or fearful. And I stopped asking her every 30 minutes if she needed to sit on the potty, just waited until she started to dance around and then when she sat on the potty, she instantly did something - so no sitting for ages reading a book and hoping for something to happen. As the day went on, it got easier too. Of course when she woke up this morning she was soaked, so she had held it in at the end of the day for a nappy to be put back on.

I have nothing planned on the weekend, so might see what I can get accomplished on my three-day weekend. I must admit that I am more hopeful now and I think if I pushed through the tears that it might just work.

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Wednesday, July 31st 2013, 9:24pm

:-)