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  • "hmcfeather" started this thread

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Reg: Nov 18th 2008

Children: 2 miracle IVF twin girls and 3 miracle surprises!!

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Saturday, August 24th 2013, 9:58pm

Help please!! At my wits end

I've written in my diary and copied over to here in the hope that someone can help. Please!!!

Just need to record how I'm feeling as I'm struggling a lot at the moment. Lily is absolutely perfect and such an easy contented baby but her big sisters have me at my wits end.

They spend all day long bickering, hitting each other, shouting and generally being disobedient. They have always been lively fun little girls but this is dreadful and every nighttime is a battle.

I don't expect them to behave brilliantly all day long esp when they're tired but this is just constant at the moment. It's like the terrible twos have hit now. I know there have been big changes with a new baby in our house but if anything it's her that gets shunted away and left to cry when hungry as I've to sort them out with whatever disaster it is. I had to take them out of nursery as I can't justify paying for it when I'm on statutory mat pay. Inthink the structure of nursery full time helped them with discipline.

K has an absolutely explosive temper but she is shyer than her sister and has become incredibly clingy of me. She has always been a mummy's girl but now if i go to leave her at all she goes into complete hysterics. She got a fright about four weeks back in swimming lesson and ever since all she says is she is too scared to try and she can't do things. She's even saying that she can't colour in as she goes outside the lines!! I don't know where my confident happy little girl has gone.

She has always been more fiery when frustrated and hits out or screeches when she's frustrated but nothing I'm doing is helping.

I am reasonably strict and do use the naughty step, denying them tv when they're misbehaving, counting to three etc but it works for about five mins but then they are straight back at it again. I'm at my wits end with them. Bedtime is a nightly chore of them coming up and down the stairs, fighting, running around the other bedrooms. Seems like they think its an extension of their playtime. The best tactic is to ignore them completely but that's very hard to do when they are hurting each other and one is sobbing like mad due to being hit or nipped etc.

There are only so many things I can take off them to punish them for bad behaviour - tv/ bedtime cuddly toys/ pocket money/ chocolate but none of them make one bit of difference. They went without tv for a whole week recently but after the first and second day when they were behaving as they didn't get to watch it they then said they didn't care if they didn't get to watch it.

C is very very clever and sporty and I need to be careful what I say is going to happen or be taken off them if they don't behave as she calls me on it and then knows I was only threatening but wasn't actually going to do what I said. We were away recently and at bedtime as ever they were playing up so my DH said if they didn't stay in bed we would be going home the next morning. So the next morning C asked to go home as we said we would if they didn't stay in bed and they hasn't. She then said it all day and everytime at bedtime because she'd worked out it was an empty threat!!

Sorry for the rant and if anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it. I do love them and the fact that they are so bright and lively but I'm exhausted with it all. Sometimes i just want to run away with my wonderful baby. It doesn't help that my DH god love him is constantly working and I'm on my own with them at bedtimes nearly every night as DH works mostly night shifts and has to leave the house at 6pm.

Any advice in particular about how to deal with such a frustrated explosively tempered child would be greatly appreciated xx
Heather

PCOS and Blocked Tubes
1st IVF - Dec 08 BFP
Twins Girls Born August 09 : D
Shock Natural BFP - Oct 12
Baby Girl Born June 13 : D
Shock Natural BFP during DR!! - October 14
Baby Boy Born June 15 : D
Another Shock Natural BFP!
Baby Girl Born January 17 : D
Hmcfeather's Diary of My Brood

Moogle

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Location: Renfrewshire

Children: A little boy and a baby girl watched over by their brother in the stars xxx

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Saturday, August 24th 2013, 10:22pm

Heather hun, I really don't have any advice but just want to sympathise with you as F's behaviour has also been rapidly deteriorating recently. I really feel for you with two demanding pre-schoolers to deal with. I don't know if it works the same everywhere, but are you entitled to funded nursery placements for them? F has 12.5 hours a week funded (split between the primary school nursery and the private one we use), and I think that's all that saves my sanity some days!

Will be interested to hear what the lovely mums who have come out the other side of this phase say :)

Lxxx


BFP Jan 2008: M/C at 13 weeks
BFP April 2009: Fantastic Finlay born 3/1/2010 xx
BFP May 2011: Beautiful Brodie born asleep 2/1/2012 xx
BFP June 2012: M/C at 5 weeks
BFP Oct 2012: Cuddly Kira born 6/6/2013 xx

My diary: Sunshine, Stars and Rainbows

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Reg: Aug 1st 2009

Location: burton on trent

Children: 4 boys 3 living 1 deceased

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Saturday, August 24th 2013, 10:30pm

heather hun

have posted on your going mad post.
[zx108]

i know how you feel

jade xxxx
After a long hard infertility journey, i am now reluctantly done

  • "hmcfeather" started this thread

Posts: 3,128

Reg: Nov 18th 2008

Children: 2 miracle IVF twin girls and 3 miracle surprises!!

What's Up?
Life's hectic but good !!!

Thanks: 334 / 152

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4

Saturday, August 24th 2013, 10:58pm

Moogle they start pre-school on 9 Sept from 9-12 so I'm really looking forward to that and I know they'll love it and will give us back some proper routine. They went from 6 months to end of June this year in full time private nursery and have loved it. Think they enjoy the stimulation and learning when in that environment. It's hard to replicate that esp with a new baby around.

Thanks Jade for the advice in the twins thread. I did learn about not using empty threats that can't be followed through as realised it was just a waste of time so now they are all very real but they just don't work!! Doesn't seem to make an ounce of difference not getting tv/choc etc. I dont give in to them no matter how much whinging or crying there may be as i know id be in a much worse place if i did!! They are perfectly happy to sit doing jigsaws together until it erupts into violence between them.

We do make time for just them as my parents are very good at taking L for a couple of hours so we can go swimming etc.
Heather

PCOS and Blocked Tubes
1st IVF - Dec 08 BFP
Twins Girls Born August 09 : D
Shock Natural BFP - Oct 12
Baby Girl Born June 13 : D
Shock Natural BFP during DR!! - October 14
Baby Boy Born June 15 : D
Another Shock Natural BFP!
Baby Girl Born January 17 : D
Hmcfeather's Diary of My Brood

    United Kingdom

Posts: 15,284

Reg: Sep 24th 2006

Location: Up to my armpits in ironing

Children: Three gorgeous daughters!

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Saturday, August 24th 2013, 11:01pm

You poor thing it sounds like hard work!

I've got no advice as you've already done everything I do when my girls are misbehaving. I have also noticed a change in my DD1 who was 4 on Sunday, she's been going through the terrible twos again recently too, you aren't alone! My girls are also fighting, they usually love each other to pieces but have started to bicker a lot. With my girls I think lack of sleep makes a difference, I have no idea where they get their energy from, I'm knackered by 3 pm!

I can also sympathise with your DH not being there, my DH works away some of the time, some weeks it's only 1 night others the girls will see him Sunday bedtime and then not again until Saturday. I phone him lots, he moans about the phone bill but it helps keep me sane. Not sure how I'll handle 3 little ones though!

My DD1 has melt downs over the slightest thing, she had glue ear for ages so doesn't behave as mature as her age because of the prolonged hearing loss. When she kicks off about something I put her in her bedroom which has a baby gate and make her stay there until she calms down, it's taken about 3 weeks to make a difference and she seems a bit more in control now, touch wood! I also refuse cuddles and to carry her when she's going nuts over something, it's hard to do it but I tell her she has to calm down first before cuddles.

I really hope your lovely well behaved girls return soon. Good luck!

xxx

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Location: burton on trent

Children: 4 boys 3 living 1 deceased

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Saturday, August 24th 2013, 11:32pm

frustrating isnt it??? my 2 will do jigsaws or lego together and then it erupts into violence. nightmare!

actually Polly pocket has reminded me of the 'bedroom' tactic. i use that a last resort. starts with the 'time out ' chair 2nd stage is time out step ( they then pull the wallpaper off) and finally bedroom. my only condition is they can come down once theyre calm and they have to apologise and state why. not good enough to say sorry you have to know why.

its so hard isnt it? throw into the mix a 17 yr old hormonal son (who tantrums and throws his weight around) and were cooking on gas :o) he has been known to launch my plastic beakers up the wall in a fit of temper.

it does get easier in stages. and then a hard period then easier. sounds like ur girls have minds of their own which is good. but the down side the backchatting starts sooner :whistling:

in actual fact its got easier since my husband and i split up. although we still have tough days, like today :-/

keep keeping on love - it will get better. just start counting down to nursery :-D i know i am as 3 yr old starts on 19 Sept 3 hrs a day 5 days a week :thumbup: a bit of respite

all love

Jade xxxxx
After a long hard infertility journey, i am now reluctantly done

Posts: 1,614

Reg: Aug 1st 2009

Location: burton on trent

Children: 4 boys 3 living 1 deceased

What's Up?
Life is getting there - mainly good days

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Sunday, August 25th 2013, 12:16am

Hey heather.

was a bad night trying to get them to go to sleep. they have seperated beds same room but just went to check on them before i turn in and they have both finally gone to.sleep in youngest's bed top to toe and they look so peaceful. its beautiful.

i heard them nessing about earlier and thought leave them to it (normally im upstairs telling then to go to sleep). so ive relaxes tonight, been : laidback and ler them get on with it. and they look so gorgeous. these moments are what its all about. go peep on ire girls sleeping after a tough day - it melts into nothing. its given me hope for tomorrow anyway.

han g in there honey
:flowers:

jade xxxx
After a long hard infertility journey, i am now reluctantly done

  • "hmcfeather" started this thread

Posts: 3,128

Reg: Nov 18th 2008

Children: 2 miracle IVF twin girls and 3 miracle surprises!!

What's Up?
Life's hectic but good !!!

Thanks: 334 / 152

  • Send private message

8

Sunday, August 25th 2013, 10:15am

Thanks Jade : D

Well it's a fresh start this morning and I've laid down the ground rules. No warnings if there is hitting or physical violence just straight to the step for 4 minutes, count to 3 for them to do things and if not done by then then it's the step and for the shouting and screaming and talking over me I'm ignoring them totally and then go back to what I was saying.

They've been told the rules and understand the rules so we've had two trips to naughty step already for hitting and tv is off for the day.

I'm gonna separate them in the car and seriously considering putting them in separate bedrooms when we move house if not sooner. Definitely need to do it in the car or I'm going to end up having an accident over sorting their fighting.

Lots and lots of deep breathes. I do that the tiredness of a new baby altho brilliant does add to my shorter than normal temper. I'm usually so even tempered that it must be tiredness and hormones!!
Heather

PCOS and Blocked Tubes
1st IVF - Dec 08 BFP
Twins Girls Born August 09 : D
Shock Natural BFP - Oct 12
Baby Girl Born June 13 : D
Shock Natural BFP during DR!! - October 14
Baby Boy Born June 15 : D
Another Shock Natural BFP!
Baby Girl Born January 17 : D
Hmcfeather's Diary of My Brood

    United Kingdom

Posts: 15,284

Reg: Sep 24th 2006

Location: Up to my armpits in ironing

Children: Three gorgeous daughters!

Thanks: 100 / 90

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Sunday, August 25th 2013, 11:11am

You sound like a woman on a mission : D

Best of luck and let us know how you get on!

xxx

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Sunday, August 25th 2013, 2:49pm

Sorry no advice just wanted to add your K sounds like me and your C like my lovely twin :-) Hang in there. We never had a car but shared a room and it was fine. However I have to add it was only us two and at this age our Mum was back to work and we had a wonderful nanny plus full time nursery. You just have to survive till pre-school starts.




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