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  • "hmcfeather" started this thread

Posts: 3,080

Reg: Nov 18th 2008

Children: 2 miracle IVF twin girls and 3 miracle surprises!!

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Life's hectic but good !!!

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Saturday, August 24th 2013, 10:00pm

Going mad!!!

I've posted in my diary but am copying to here as I'm really struggling with my four year old twins and if anyone can help I'd so appreciate it!!

Dear diary,

Just need to record how I'm feeling as I'm struggling a lot at the moment. Lily is absolutely perfect and such an easy contented baby but her big sisters have me at my wits end.

They spend all day long bickering, hitting each other, shouting and generally being disobedient. They have always been lively fun little girls but this is dreadful and every nighttime is a battle.

I don't expect them to behave brilliantly all day long esp when they're tired but this is just constant at the moment. It's like the terrible twos have hit now. I know there have been big changes with a new baby in our house but if anything it's her that gets shunted away and left to cry when hungry as I've to sort them out with whatever disaster it is. I had to take them out of nursery as I can't justify paying for it when I'm on statutory mat pay. Inthink the structure of nursery full time helped them with discipline.

K has an absolutely explosive temper but she is shyer than her sister and has become incredibly clingy of me. She has always been a mummy's girl but now if i go to leave her at all she goes into complete hysterics. She got a fright about four weeks back in swimming lesson and ever since all she says is she is too scared to try and she can't do things. She's even saying that she can't colour in as she goes outside the lines!! I don't know where my confident happy little girl has gone.

She has always been more fiery when frustrated and hits out or screeches when she's frustrated but nothing I'm doing is helping.

I am reasonably strict and do use the naughty step, denying them tv when they're misbehaving, counting to three etc but it works for about five mins but then they are straight back at it again. I'm at my wits end with them. Bedtime is a nightly chore of them coming up and down the stairs, fighting, running around the other bedrooms. Seems like they think its an extension of their playtime. The best tactic is to ignore them completely but that's very hard to do when they are hurting each other and one is sobbing like mad due to being hit or nipped etc.

There are only so many things I can take off them to punish them for bad behaviour - tv/ bedtime cuddly toys/ pocket money/ chocolate but none of them make one bit of difference. They went without tv for a whole week recently but after the first and second day when they were behaving as they didn't get to watch it they then said they didn't care if they didn't get to watch it.

C is very very clever and sporty and I need to be careful what I say is going to happen or be taken off them if they don't behave as she calls me on it and then knows I was only threatening but wasn't actually going to do what I said. We were away recently and at bedtime as ever they were playing up so my DH said if they didn't stay in bed we would be going home the next morning. So the next morning C asked to go home as we said we would if they didn't stay in bed and they hasn't. She then said it all day and everytime at bedtime because she'd worked out it was an empty threat!!

Sorry for the rant and if anyone has any advice I'd greatly appreciate it. I do love them and the fact that they are so bright and lively but I'm exhausted with it all. Sometimes i just want to run away with my wonderful baby. It doesn't help that my DH god love him is constantly working and I'm on my own with them at bedtimes nearly every night as DH works mostly night shifts and has to leave the house at 6pm.

Any advice in particular about how to deal with such a frustrated explosively tempered child would be greatly appreciated xx
Heather

PCOS and Blocked Tubes
1st IVF - Dec 08 BFP
Twins Girls Born August 09 : D
Shock Natural BFP - Oct 12
Baby Girl Born June 13 : D
Shock Natural BFP during DR!! - October 14
Baby Boy Born June 15 : D
Another Shock Natural BFP!
Baby Girl Born January 17 : D
Hmcfeather's Diary of My Brood

Posts: 1,614

Reg: Aug 1st 2009

Location: burton on trent

Children: 4 boys 3 living 1 deceased

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Life is getting there - mainly good days

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Saturday, August 24th 2013, 10:24pm

hi heather.

sorry its tough atm. little bit of advice - stop the empty threats. they dont work and it undermines the.real threats as then children are confused as to which is real and which is not.

my 2 are not twins (5&3), but i try to remain consistent and persistant. atm they are horrors lol. 5 yr old is really missing the routine of school and bored. lots of arguements and bickering fighting and downright naughtiness (from both). they refuse to help me tidy up their toys. and in the end it comes down to "if i do it on my own, i will bring the wheely bin in and tidy up that way" twice now they havent believed me and twice now theyve been really upset to see me bring the bin in and start throwing them away. they clean up a lot quicker than me when the bin is brought in. little do they know i only throw the broken toys away, but it gets my point across. yes its harsh but i never threaten anything unless i intend to follow through.

i have also tried reward charts and they work for the older.1 but its a.little too much for.the younger one. he cant understand the.concept of.collecting stars.for.7 sleeps (good behaviour) and then u get a reward. hes into instant gratification.

its a tough call. have the girls had any 1-2-1 with you since bubba was born? when 3 yr old was born i used to try and spend at least half an hour with older 1 a day, either colouring or playing cars together anything really reading books etc, just to get time.with him without the baby. i started this afyer 5 yr olds behaviour started to decline after baby was born. i figured maybe he was behaving like that cos at least he got attention then. so i tried to turn it into positive time and for a while it worked. exhausting when.BF as well. but it can be done.

sorry if i sound like im having a go. im not, but net doesnt do nuances or tone in voice or body language.

i really hope it calms down soon. motherhood toughest job in the world and you dont get a manual, but most rewarding for the most part.

i cut our holiday short by 1 day on our skeggy holiday. misbehaving all the time so i told them if they didnt start listening and behaving, we would go home home. they carried on so i packed all our stuff cleaned the caravan and we left at 10pm, got home.for 1 am!
always follow through :-D

good luck, i hope this phase doesnt last for.too long

jade xxxx
After a long hard infertility journey, i am now reluctantly done

  • "hmcfeather" started this thread

Posts: 3,080

Reg: Nov 18th 2008

Children: 2 miracle IVF twin girls and 3 miracle surprises!!

What's Up?
Life's hectic but good !!!

Thanks: 319 / 151

  • Send private message

3

Saturday, August 24th 2013, 11:01pm

Thanks Jade I posted a reply in the other thread : D
Heather

PCOS and Blocked Tubes
1st IVF - Dec 08 BFP
Twins Girls Born August 09 : D
Shock Natural BFP - Oct 12
Baby Girl Born June 13 : D
Shock Natural BFP during DR!! - October 14
Baby Boy Born June 15 : D
Another Shock Natural BFP!
Baby Girl Born January 17 : D
Hmcfeather's Diary of My Brood

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