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  • "j84288" started this thread

Posts: 512

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

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Monday, February 3rd 2014, 8:34am

Feeling sad :(

Feeling really mixed emotions at the moment. DD2 is 18 months old and after a struggle to bf DD1 I was all gung ho about bfing DD2. To my shock it went swimmingly well and she was exclusively bf and still is (but obv she has been on solids too from around 6.5 mths). I have had such an amazing experience with it and we co sleep and it has been so lovely. Now that she is 18 months I am very aware that we are near the end :S I know many of you might say 18 months doesn’t have to be near the end but in my head I always said around 18/20 months and lately she has become ‘a little girl’. Not only this in the last month she has become more demanding and is shouting out ‘boobie’ about 10 times a day so I feed her….she feeds 4/5/6 times a night and I’m actually getting quite exhausted (im working as well as doing college). Finally (I know this may sound unimportant) but I am really struggling to lose weight no matter how careful im being and I do think it’s down to bfing so my weight is getting me down  I keep saying to myself one more month but I know that the inevitable is coming and I don’t think she’s going to naturally wean (certainly not before the age of 3). I have set a plan in place to slowly night wean first but the thought of doing this makes me want to cry. I don’t know whether im quite ready but im aware that I don’t think I’ll ever be ready but im at the point where we all need sleep and I would like to be able to be apart from LO for just one evening. (she goes to bed at 6:30 and DH just lies her down in her bed now which was a big step…but she wakes anywhere from 1 hour – 3 hrs later and then the continuous midnight feasting begins :S. Any advice on how I can feel more at ease (and less cruel) about this. This is all she’s ever known and I’ve always encouraged her to feed often in the early days as I was so eager for it to work – I wasn’t expecting it all to work THIS well  x
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

Net

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Monday, February 3rd 2014, 9:46am

Hi there

My DD is also ebf and is almost one but we've just managed to cut out the night feed so now I'm just feeding morning, bedtime and sometimes post lunch but trying to cut that out as I return to work soon. I'm also so sad that it's the beginning of the end as I love bf and DD took to it so well, despite a few issues with weight gain. I'm afraid I just went cold turkey on her and used distraction techniques. I got her a new cup that is different to her water sippy cup and she's starting taking milk from that at lunch time now. Not huge quantities but enough, we are getting there! Could you make a cup into an exciting thing for her, tell her big girls drink from cups etc? At night could your DH deal with the waking up and put her back to bed? It's easier I guess for me as my DD is younger but we have found a bit of controlled crying works wonders but I realise that's a very personal choice and not for everyone .

Give yourself a pat on the back for bf this long and look at it as a new chapter. I know it's hard as I am really sad too. Good luck x
NET


ICSI Feb 2011-:BFP: m/c
FET Aug11 & Nov 11 - cancelled pre ET
FET May 2012- :BFP:
DD born Feb 2013
FET Feb 2015 :BFP:
DD2 born Nov 2015










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Dusky7

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Monday, February 3rd 2014, 11:07am

I am ebf too, dd2 is nearly 16 months and in my head I have 18 months to stop I suppose...but I am the same and I don't want to at all but know that the longer I go on the harder it will be for both of is... It is so hard isn't it, it is such an amazing special time and to choose to stop it is really hard. I ebf dd1 until 14 months and was always worried that I wouldn't be able to do it for as long with dd2 as would be harder with two etc. We have done so well and like Net said we should embrace the next chapter with out LOs getting older...I suppose... :)

I stopped night feeds cold turkey at 7 months as I was confident she was getting enough food... It was hard but I just had to be strong and just give her cuddles and no boob, hard though.

You have done fantastically!! Well done xxx



1st ICSI - Oct 08 - :BFP:!!! DD born July 2009 : D
1st FET - May 11 - BFN :-(
2nd FET - Sept 11 - BFN :bawl:
3rd FET - Jan 12 - :BFP: DD2 born October 2012

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Monday, February 3rd 2014, 8:38pm

Hello,

I am so sorry you are feeling sad I will also feel very-very sad to stop.

It is quite amazing how quickly kids can adapt to changes. If you set your mind on it and with your DH-s help she might be happily sleeping in a separate cot or even in a separate room (if that's what you want) a week from now. After all a happy, well rested Mummy is the most important. But you have to be very firm with yourselves and know how much crying you are prepared to put up with (in the knowledge that she is happy and comfortable).

However if you are looking for a a compromise I am feeding my DD morning and evening but once a week I am working in the evening and DH just puts her down without a feed. No substitute, nothing. So I am feeding her but still got the freedom to go out once in a while. I suppose at this age it is more of a comfort thing than actual food so I don't feel bad as DH gives her plenty of extra cuddles.

I suppose it's best to take Net's advice away for all of us and just look at it as an exciting new chapter. I will try too.

xx Rianon

  • "j84288" started this thread

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Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

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Thursday, February 6th 2014, 5:13pm

thanks ladies - so nice to know I'm not the only one feeling like this. Actually AF showed up yesterday which is probably why im feeling extra emotional. Well we have started the gentle process of night weaning and actually its going quite well. We have introduced a cup of warm milk and although she loves this in the day she hasn't really taken to it at night. All the same she seems to be getting better. We started off the first night putting her back to sleep until 10 pm (she goes to bed at 6:30 but wakes around 8pm briefly for a feed usually and back down again) so with a bit of resistance she went back down to sleep until 10:15 without a feed and then came in our bed and fed. We did this for 2 nights and then last night shifted the time to 12 and we kept putting her back to bed if she woke up before 12 without feeding and she lasted until 1:40 which was a record for her! She woke once between 6:30 and 1:40 and only took 10 mins to settle again. So tonight is another 12 oclock and then we move her to 2 oclock the following night and will keep moving the time back every 2 days until we finally get to 6 am which is when the girls wake up. So these little baby steps seem to be working. I feel ok so far because im still feeding in the day but eventually once we've sorted night time I will sadly begin looking at day time weaning :) xx
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

Dusky7

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Thursday, February 6th 2014, 6:47pm

Sounds like your on to a winner hon, well done! Don't think about the day bit just yet :) xxx



1st ICSI - Oct 08 - :BFP:!!! DD born July 2009 : D
1st FET - May 11 - BFN :-(
2nd FET - Sept 11 - BFN :bawl:
3rd FET - Jan 12 - :BFP: DD2 born October 2012

DUSKY'S FET DIARY



  • "j84288" started this thread

Posts: 512

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

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7

Monday, February 17th 2014, 5:04pm

Its going well and the night weaning is officially done..
I wasnt however expecting to feel as.emotional as I.am! I am a wreck at.the.moment and I know its more than likely hormones. I have been in work all day and will be until wednesday so thinking that we re maybe finished with breastfeeding..I distracted her yday so she didnt feed but i just feel so sad and almost like I did when I gave up breastfeeding my first at about 5 weeks which is crazy because after 18 months you d think id feel different. I really wanted to a) feel like I was totally ready to.finish or b) She wanted to finish but actually its neither and my reasons for weaning are trivial. (E.g weight loss, other peoples opinions on bf beyond 18.mths). Not.sure.whether the kindest thing would be to stick at quitting completely or just to feed her once in the morning until she weans. I worry that I am just prolonging this feeling of sadness.. just missing.cuddling her because at the moment if I even sit down she tries to feed. :( any advice?
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
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Monday, February 17th 2014, 7:13pm

Hi

My advice would be to disregard what other people think and do what you want. If that is feeding until your little one is 3 or 4, do so. (I know lots of people who have done so.) Maybe you decide that you don't feed in public if it bothers you, but what is the harm at home? I have very strong views on this though... (felt I) had to give up feeding my son when he was fourteen months to try for another child with IVF. I was so very upset about it at the time, and in many ways I still am (he's nearly four...). I think if you give up before you are ready, you run the risk of this bothering you longer term. For me, the loss was very real. Also, I can imagine how useful bf would be when little ones hit two or three (as was the case with my son) and you can use it just to soothe.

Oh, one thing I did with my son was that I made sure that I still held him as he went off to sleep - just as I'd fed him to sleep - and I encouraged him to put his hand just inside my top, towards my armpit. I started doing this almost naturally a few weeks before I started to wean and it helped us both to maintain that contact, although still a poor substitute for bf for us both.....

Good luck with whatever you decide.

xx
One beautiful boy born in 2010 but multiple attempts for a sibling very sadly had to stop.

  • "j84288" started this thread

Posts: 512

Reg: Aug 24th 2008

Children: 2 daughters

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9

Monday, February 17th 2014, 8:11pm

apologies for all of the full stops in my last post! I was typing it on my phone on my commute home (DH was driving)

Thank you Jenny - Today in work I just felt so sad - on a few occasions I knew that if someone spoke to me I'd burst into tears. I got home today and decided that I would make this process a bit easier and just feed her and will work on just feeding her once a day before bed. That way hopefully she will be more likely to give me up in time. I feel like I'd rather it was that way round. Its been quite some journey for us so I feel like I don't want to deny her something I've always encouraged. I think I do need to just have one feed a day rather than it was before which was pretty much all day long. I think this would make the weaning process a lot easier for both of us. We have made huge steps lately - 2 months ago she was 100% co sleeping, breastfeeding all day/night and waking every 1.5 - 2 hrs a night. She is now going down to sleep without feeding to sleep, in her bed all night (although she does wake briefly). I think the sudden change has shocked me...Thank you for your advice :)
DH poor motility-Excellent SA following change in diet
BFP:26.09.08

Dusky7

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Posts: 8,349

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Monday, February 17th 2014, 9:32pm

I would definitely disregard other peoples opinions hon, you've got to do what is right for the two of you. If neither of you are ready then I personally don't see the point. Sounds like you have done brilliantly so far. I am just feeding DD morning and night and think I will do this until she decides otherwise, though she isn't having loads atm but I really hope that's just the teething... My friend bf until she got pregnant (I didn't think that could happen) her dd was 3.5 and she is still bf her 2 year old. It's such a personal thing and nobody else's business IMO xxx



1st ICSI - Oct 08 - :BFP:!!! DD born July 2009 : D
1st FET - May 11 - BFN :-(
2nd FET - Sept 11 - BFN :bawl:
3rd FET - Jan 12 - :BFP: DD2 born October 2012

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